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When I work with skiers, I tell them to focus on the feeling of speed and fluidity, not a specific metric. If I'm stopping to look at what my heart rate monitor is telling me, it's not doing me any good. Now, if I'm recording my heart rate over the course of a day and can quickly push a certain thing on my watch while I'm on a chairlift between runs to see if I'm in zone A, B, C, or D, and I can use the data to steer back toward where I want to be? Interesting. But in the moment, I think technology is going to pull you out of flow. It's going to break the uninterrupted concentration you need. Get outside to clear your mind and boost your mood. Twenty-first-century normal, neurobiologically speaking, is tired, wired, and chronically stressed. Married folks with kids are on a steep decline. In 1960, 84% of people from 25 to 29 years old would be married. Only 42% are married. This doesn't really mean that we're suddenly without love. While it's obvious that these 29 year-olds are slow to marry, 60% are either married, living with a partner or cohabiting together. So, it seems that, due to the vast number of marriages that end in divorce, more and more people are becoming skeptical of marriage. More and more people are becoming less trusting to commit for the long haul. Living: is less likely to own a home than 15 years ago. Homeownership for every age demographic is in decline. While, 15 years ago, 44% of 29 year-olds owned a home, only 35% of them now own a home. Usually a combination of genetic susceptibility and psychological injury produces depression. Such psychological injury--especially physical or sexual abuse or being raised in extremely impaired family systems--is often seen in men who act out sexually.

Many times the dominating source of impairment in his family was an addiction that created loss and modeled addictive behavior as a solution to pain or a source of power. It is also possible the addict may experience dysthymia (low-grade, chronic depression) due to the shame he feels as he confronts his behavior and the sense of emptiness or hollowness that often accompanies the initial absence of his acting out. When diagnosed appropriately, depression of all types can be treated quite effectively with medication and/or psychotherapy. As with addiction, a strong diagnostic work-up in a treatment process is advisable to identify or rule out mental health issues that could interfere with and/or sabotage the recovery process. The most common issues are depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress symptoms, most often due to childhood abuse. This may seem overwhelming, but neither you nor your partner need to carve the path of treatment, as a qualified sex addiction therapist will do this. With a desire and willingness to change, recovery is possible. If you see a repetitive pattern to your partner's behavior, and if he continues his behaviors in spite of adverse consequences to himself, to you, and to his family, it is most likely this behavior needs to be addressed with a specific addiction focus and not just seen as a painful lapse in relationship fidelity or an innate perversion. What does it look like in the body? Hyperactivity in the prefrontal cortex, a steady drip-drip-drip of stress hormones like cortisol and norepinephrine, and brain waves in the high beta range, which is essentially agitated. You should have lower beta waves if you and I were just having a conversation, but in the twenty-first century, most of us are actually in the high beta range most of the time. That's now normal. That's insane. Those reactions were meant to show up when we had a fight-or-flight response when we encountered a saber-toothed tiger and had to run. They were not meant to be daily life. How do we know? Well, about one in six Americans are currently on antidepressants and antianxiety meds and 8 percent or more have PTSD. We've got fifty years of eco-psychology that tells us being in nature is fundamentally healing. There's a good percentage of these 29 year-olds that are finding homes on the outskirts of cities and suburbs, too, because of skyrocketing home prices within cities. This also creates heavier traffic times, lost earning potential and lost sleep.

According to a 2009 study on sleep duration, the percentage of people sleeping less than six hours per day has increased while sleeping more than 8 hours per day has declined. Does the average 29 year-old look like someone who's on course to positively influence their world? Do you expect these 29 year-olds to blaze a trail that's going to positively impact people's lives? It doesn't seem like it, according to the research above. Now, I know that, as I ask these questions, doubters and haters will be quick to jump on me. Are there plenty of reasons and excuses for why the United States economic system and social environment could negatively affect people's livelihoods? Again, we're missing the point. There are clear differences between people who live apathetic lives and people who live non-apathetic lives. There are emotional reasons for this acting out that ultimately lead to repetition and compulsivity, and the inability to willfully control himself. Of course, these explanations don't excuse his behavior; It is also important to know that there is a path for treatment and healing. Reflective Thoughts and Questions Generational Repeat Why does this feel so familiar? What familial traits do my partner and I have in common? For many partners, it is not coincidental that you are in a relationship with an addict. It may feel very familiar; In some sectors of our culture, socialization of women sets them up to defer to men by giving them the benefit of the doubt, taking on false guilt, believing they need a man to have value, and prioritizing his needs over their own. We know a twenty-minute walk in the woods outperforms every SSRI on the market. We are wired to be in nature, and when we cut ourselves off from that, we're cutting ourselves off evolutionarily from our source.

Without access to nature and the opportunity to throw myself down mountains at high speed, I can't do anything else. I can't write. I'm a lousy husband. I'm a lousy friend. All the things that are important to me don't happen. Trade your treadmill for the trail. Every morning I walk my dogs through the backcountry for about forty-five minutes to an hour. There's a little bit of a walking path that goes for about twenty minutes and then I get into the real raw country. You'll find over and over again that people who solve large-scale issues in the world are not normal people, and have rarely acted like normal people. The remarkable people are remarkable, because they don't do what everyone else is doing. I guess that's why heroes are heroes. Andrew Carnegie worked feverishly, for his entire life, to spend his last 18 years playing the role of the hero. You can't ignore the fact that tens of thousands of employees can thank him for the jobs they had. Bill Gates followed a similar story. For decades, he worked and worked to build up Microsoft to the powerhouse that it is. Because of this dedication, we're seeing in real-time his foundation, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, making total grant payments of $50 billion over the lifetime of the foundation. It took Justin Wren several years, since 2013, to say that he's built over 100 wells in the Congo and Uganda. But, remember how, in article 1, we saw how much Justin Wren needed to change his life? Women are taught to acquiesce, be polite, and refrain from showing anger. They often feel inadequate about their sexuality or have a distorted and shame-based body image.

This conditions a woman to be easily manipulated and gaslighted leading her to victimization and consequently reinforces the trauma of sexual betrayal. Yet your family history could be more influential than the cultural socialization While you may not have thought of your childhood as being significant to what is happening now, and while there is no such thing as perfect parenting or perfect families, looking at family history and dynamics will be significant in your healing. It's critical to examine the beliefs you developed about yourself and others, the ways you learned to experience connection and/or protect yourself, and the behaviors that helped you to garner esteem. The behaviors and belief systems of both partners and sex addicts are strongly influenced by individual childhood experiences. It is common that one or both parents suffered with addiction, most commonly alcohol and/or other drugs or sexual addiction. While this affliction/malady may not have been called addiction, their father was known as a womanizer or their mother had a lot of affairs or drank a lot, and so on. If not addiction, there were often other forms of family impairment or dysfunction that would create wounds that led to addiction and unhealthy ways of coping in relationships. There may have been a history of extreme parental rigidity, strict all-or-nothing parental codes. I know that, whatever my brain was doing beforehand, every day by the time I get to the end of that, my prefrontal cortex is shut down and it's quiet upstairs. We know through Arne Dietrich's work at Georgia Tech that there's such a thing as exercise-induced transient hypofrontality--which means that exercise can slow down your brain's prefrontal cortex, which governs cognitive functions, will, and sense of self. But I can't get there on a treadmill, and I have not found a way to get there any other way indoors. I've never once run myself into exercise-induced transient hypofrontality on my treadmill, even if I've exhausted myself until I can't move. Yet I can access that state almost every time I'm outdoors. To save our planet, start seeing nature. There's fifty years of data coming out of psychology that says most people don't see the natural world, which is why our planet is having a giant environmental crisis. This is especially true in our modern lives, in which more and more of our world is packaged or on devices for us. Why are we in the middle of a giant biodiversity crisis? Most people don't see trees. He also couldn't have provided these Pygmy people with the resources they needed without his years of training and dominance as a fighter in the UFC. How else could you explain his ability to build and fund over 100 wells in less than a decade?