How to Play Wants and Don't Wants is a game that helps us get a clearer view of our desires through first highlighting what we do NOT want in our lives. It did sound like a slogan. But just because a phrase is catchy doesn't mean it can't also be true. Our walk had taken us nearly back to the convention. Take a few weekends to look around, I continued. You have to see yourself in the house. Don't fall in love with just one. Get to know what you like and what you don't. Get to know the prices. Talk with Doug about what you each want. Start to see yourself in these houses, and also in the neighborhoods. It's not a concept that has passed others by, either. Yes, there's uncertainty about what the nuts and bolts of boundaries are and, indeed, about how to put some of this into place, but many of us are coming to realize that we have habits that annoy or restrict us. If I can positively use my somewhat tricky experiences to help you feel more powerful, assertive, and confident, then that is what I'll do in this article. Eleven Times My Boundaries Have Left a Lot to Be Desired Gah, boundaries. If only I knew then what I know now. It would have saved me a ton of heartache, heartbreak, uncertainty, and that awful sense that you have the word fool tattooed onto your forehead. For me, boundaries were an odd concept because as a child I would look to my parents and teachers to learn from them.

Not once are we told that we can question those people; We don't get an inkling, either, that our parents are winging life and learning as they go; This can be a helpful method for many, as some people, especially those who still battle with a deeply negative voice from time to time, find it much easier to define things in terms of not want as opposed to want. For example: I do not want a romantic partner who takes me for granted or tries to change me. I do not want to feel like a burden or waste of space. I do not want my children to grow up into a violent world. I do not want to be poor. Once we know what we don't want, we can then grasp at the contrast, and reframe things in a more positive way that highlights our desires. I want a romantic partner who loves me for who I am. Wherever I am, I want to feel valued and make meaningful contributions. I want my children to be safe. Give yourself the permission and the time to see that future down to the most minute detail. Heck, take a stroll through the local grocery store. Okay, okay, Maddox said. I get the point. We made our way through the double doors of the venue and back into the conference. That will give you an idea of real estate prices and what you need to shoot for, I said, wrapping up the discussion. Then comes the fun part. The fun part?

Maddox asked. Yep, then you need to find your people . As a child, I did all of the things I thought I was supposed to do: I listened, I did as I was told, and for the most part, I was a good girl. There were exceptions, of course! Like the time I ran away to my auntie's house, which was just behind our house, or when I wrote on the newly painted pristine white door and blamed it on my sister, who couldn't yet walk, let alone write. My mom has this look that you don't want to be on the receiving end of, and it pretty much says, Are you sure that's what you want to do or say? Consider this your chance to stop whatever it is, right this minute. Dad's equivalent was a wagging finger, and it was equally as powerful. I recall hating the words I'm disappointed in you; Once adulthood arrived, it all came a bit undone. Having spent the preceding years planning all of the adventures I'd have once I got to the grand old age of eighteen, when I could do whatever I wanted, it turned out I wasn't quite prepared for that freedom. Creating, and holding, boundaries when you've never done so is unsettling. I want to set a plan for my financial recovery. From this point, you can then brainstorm ideas around how you might go about each want, creating affirmations for yourself that'll bring you more in line with who you really are. Do not phrase them as I will however, phrase them as I am. These decisions aren't for the future. They are for now. I will be am more honest and upfront about who I am when I meet someone I like. I am okay with letting them go if we just don't gel well. I am also happy being by myself until I meet someone who gels with me;

I do not compromise my standards or make myself dependent on those who do not care for me. You can see here how this process has already led to the creation of a new standard, or guiding principle, that'll help you make snap decisions that fall in line with what you want out of life. Trade Secrets: How to Figure Out Your Number in Real Estate I often have to remind people that my expertise is the future, and not in this or that particular industry. That includes real estate. I've bought and sold a few properties over the years, and even did well on the transactions. But that doesn't make me a real estate maven. Fortunately, there are plenty of mavens out there who can help you determine the specifics of your real estate future. One whose advice I always value is Ilyce Glink, a syndicated columnist and author of more than a dozen articles on real estate and finance, including the bestselling 100 Questions Every First-Time Home Buyer Should Ask. Glink can expound on every aspect of the real estate process, but when it comes to futurecasting, her best advice is around determining how much house you can afford. That might seem obvious, but according to one industry report, roughly 40 percent of buyers go over budget on home purchases by an average of twenty thousand dollars. So how do you avoid this future? It's like taking the baton in a relay race you never signed up or trained for. And so I drifted and became unhappier and unfulfilled. I tied myself in knots because in looking to others to guide me on what I should do, to tell me what I should do, I ended up trying to keep everyone else happy. It didn't go particularly well, as you can imagine and perhaps attest to. With that in mind, I'm about to share the very tip of my wonky-boundary iceberg with you. You could have asked me to do most things, and my kneejerk reaction would have been to say, Yes, of course. With an emphasis on the of course so that the asker would be reassured that this was 100 percent no problem, exactly what I wanted to do, and that I would help. The trouble was that a good chunk of the time my automatic Yes, of course was really an Oh no, why have you asked me, how do I say no to this?

Cue intricate dances as I would try to come up with plausible excuses to backtrack. I'd wince as I canceled plans at the very last minute. Through this, you are able to define your own happiness and then pursue it even through small, everyday choices. Let's continue with the list. I am eager to lend my strength to those who need it, provided I have the strength to spare. I look for ways to help those who aid me, as well as opportunities to volunteer or expand my abilities. I keep an eye out for kind, loving families, and I try to introduce my children to theirs so that my kids can explore the world beyond their bedrooms in a safe and healthy way. I acknowledge my role as their parent, and do as much as I can to stay mentally and physically well, so that they always have someone strong that they can look up to. I explore my skill-set, and I consistently perform research, scouting for job opportunities, mentorship, and advice. No matter how bleak things might seem, I keep searching, asking, and learning, because that's how I'll find a way out. Just like that, we have several additional standards: standards of practical generosity, self-improvement, tenacity, and more. To solidify things even further, you can explore the specifics around each standard. It starts by coming up with a realistic budget, or your number, as agents like to say. Glink's website, ThinkGlink, boils it down to four key questions that you need to ask yourself at the very beginning of the house-hunting process: How much money do I have saved for a down payment . How much money do I take home each month? How much debt do I have? Have I researched costs in the neighborhood I want to live in? Can I afford them? Coming up with clear, truthful answers to these questions will help you set a realistic budget in a neighborhood you can afford.