Date Tags advice

Even when you feel miserable, you are seen by God as moving toward resolution. And God thinks the appropriate name for that is love. Who would willingly take this journey if death were the only outcome? Would you even choose to be here if that was possible? Before you arrived, you knew that death wasn't real. Yet--after dating more than my fair share of people--I found that he is the man who makes me the happiest. This is all to say that the apps may lead us astray by emphasizing measurable and comparable qualities. They can trick us into valuing these traits while ignoring the qualities that relationship science tells us matter most. Issue #2: We think we know what we want, but we're wrong. The apps allow us to filter out great potential matches. My clients often come to me with long checklists of all the qualities they want in a partner. But the strange thing is that most of us have not dated that many people. We have relatively little experience, especially where it counts for figuring out compatibility in long-term relationships. Yet we think we are experts in what will make us happy. This is a major point! Some days and nights have felt dark and heavy. Sometimes she lies in bed, crying and grieving for the childhood she wishes that she had, for the loss of being protected, and for not being loved and cherished the way a baby and young girl should have been. But she's kept walking, even after life has presented her with more challenges. Recently, Patricia lost her older sister to a drug overdose. The day before her sister died, they talked about their shared secret for the first time.

Like Patricia, her sister had been severely abused, and Patricia knows it took her sister's life. Her sister's death became the catalyst for Patricia's next act in life. She's taken all her business acumen, all the years of healing she's been through, and today she's working to help other people change and heal their lives too. I'll be damned if I lose another loved one because we're not able to tell our stories or because we're not able to use our voices in a way for good, Patricia told us. For me, there's something so powerful in being able to say, I'm an incest survivor, and I can go from surviving to thriving, and truly make a difference. You knew that dropping the body didn't separate you from your loved ones. You knew that nothing died because nothing was born. As you search for meaningful purpose, look for the joy that each day brings. The only enticement you needed for creating this journey was your anticipation of love. Instead of asking why you exist, see yourself as a part of all that is. If all that is, is energy, and energy is God, then you and God are one. And if you are one, you are love. And if you are love, you are worthy. And if you are worthy, you deserve every beautiful emotion there is to feel. All throughout your life, you find people with whom you are compatible. Underline this next sentence, please: Most of us have no idea what kind of partner will fulfill us long term. Yes, we think we know what we want. Yes, we have that long checklist. But those are likely not the qualities possessed by the person we fall in love with. Our eventual partner may be completely different from what we expected.

Remember, I wasn't looking for a vegan engineer. Being wrong about who would make you happy long term is not a new problem created by technology. But in real life, you're exposed to all kinds of potential partners: tall and short, fat and thin, intellectual, funny, introverted, religious, atheist, whatever. If you're looking for a partner in the physical world--at a article club, a pottery class, your friend's birthday party--you meet people who aren't your so-called type. You could develop a flirtation, and then a relationship, with one of them. I ask, How can I be of service? Let me transform all that I've been through and be a voice for those that don't have the courage to speak their truth yet. As Patricia has shared her story, she's been shocked by the magnitude of people who have survived sexual and physical abuse too. They have fueled her to keep walking her road to recovery and talking about her truth. I often think I can't believe I'm still living, she told us. I can't believe I made it through that. I made it to the other side, and it is possible. This journey has been one of the most powerful, hard, gut wrenching, yet beautiful experiences of my life. When we first heard Patricia's story, it broke our hearts. We felt angry for what she and so many people have gone through in this world. Compatibility brings you your own level of happiness every step of the way. Since perfect balance defines the nature of planet Earth and the cosmos around it, then everything within that cosmos lives in balance, too. There is no absence of balance. Haven't you discarded many opinions you had as a child? But you don't hate the children who have them now, do you?

Weren't those opinions important to you when you had them? Didn't you find new ones when you needed them? This is everyone's path. God knows that every choice is helpful, and God calls that heaven. If you knew that every emotion you gave to others returned to you in one way or another, would you ponder your offerings more carefully? You might be pleasantly surprised by how wrong you were about needing to date someone who, say, is taller than you or grew up religious. But dating apps never give you the chance to be proved wrong, because you can weed out people who aren't your type. I once conducted in-person interviews with folks who met their husband or wife offline. I asked, If you had seen your current spouse online, would you have swiped right or left? Many people told me they wouldn't have seen their future partner at all because their app settings would've shut them out. My age limit was up to one year older than me, and she's five years older than me, one guy told me. My app setting was for Jewish men only, and he identifies as Buddhist, another said. Many digital services require you to go through an onboarding process when you sign up. Netflix, for example, asks what kinds of movies you like. For dating apps, it's what kind of people: What's the youngest person you'd date? But her story also reminds us that we always have the power to choose what we do with our lives, our time, and the trauma we've endured. Patricia filled us with so much hope and inspiration. She's an incredibly strong, resourceful, brave soul who has lived through hell, yet she's thriving. Anyone who has the privilege of spending time with her can feel and see the inner light that shines from within. She shares that with the world, and she's taken her pain and transformed it into something that can help others on their journeys to acceptance, self-love, self-forgiveness, and healing.

Everyone who you met in this article has taken their pain, released it, and created something beautiful from it. No matter what trauma you've endured, how long you've carried it, or how deeply embedded it is inside you, you can free yourself from the pain and suffering. Sometimes it is hard, and it takes work, determination, persistence, and a lot of self-forgiveness, but it's possible. When you release your trauma, you unlock your inner light and radiance, and everywhere you go and everyone you meet feels it. You change the course of everyone's lives just by being you. Would you give the gift of support instead of criticism? Would you give the gift of praise instead of ridicule? Would you give the gift of trust instead of doubt? If it's possible to see the best in others instead of the worst in others, why not make that effort? You are evolving. Bless your progress. If your present status ceases to be relevant to your momentary growth, you enter a new status. Find compassion for every path and believe in everyone's growth. When you do, you eradicate hate on Earth. Because it's almost impossible to hate people when you know they are only searching for love. What's the oldest? What's the tallest or shortest person you'd date? Do you care if this person smokes? Does drugs? From a practical perspective, it makes sense that apps use the onboarding process to limit the number of potential matches.