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What gives me the right to declare that everyone is collectively, pathetically apathetic? I'm a 25 year-old white guy who had it pretty easy growing up. Sure, I decided three years ago to finally get serious with my life, but that's not really a motivational story. Did I surmount great obstacles of poverty and a life of tragedy to finally bring you this amazing article? Not at all. Neither did Bill Gates. As Malcolm Gladwell discusses in his article, Outliers, Bill Gates had a lot of things go right in his life. He grew up in wealth. It may involve voyeurism, exhibitionism, or bisexual behavior. Often other addictions, depression, and rage issues all serve to complicate matters. The pain for those in a relationship with someone acting out sexually is undeniable. You have been betrayed, deceived, and lied to. Your vows have been violated again and again. You have been ignored or manipulated emotionally and physically. You may have been asked to engage in sexual practices that you found repulsive and abusive. You may realize he has been or is currently in a long-term relationship that involves financial commitments and possibly even children. You may have been placed at risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. These offenses lead to a wide range of thoughts and feelings, from despair, anger, hurt, and desperation to wondering and pleading for answers. On her trip, she imitated the locals and got down in a deep, butt-to-heels squat every day when playing with kids, sitting around a campfire, and more. At first this was difficult because of her limited ankle mobility.

This got her thinking about what had compromised her natural capability. A culprit soon emerged: cycling shoes that kept her foot in a rigid position for the hundreds of training miles she put in each month. Jessi's story inspired me to reexamine my own cycling. Why exactly was I clipping in? Well, there's the fact that pretty much every serious cyclist does it, and the accepted wisdom that doing so allows you to generate more power. But at what cost? So I decided to go back to basics and stop using cycling shoes and clips. It felt weird at first, but I soon recognized that my mechanics were a lot better, as was my positioning on my bike. He started early in his fascination with engineering and naturally kept it up. He was given access to some of the best computers as early as 1968, when he was just eight years old. Most colleges didn't own computers in the 1960s. A ton of stuff went well for this guy to give him a running start. Some might even say that it's hard to look at Bill Gates as an encouraging, motivating story. You wouldn't call Bill Gates an apathetic guy, though. He's a man who founded one of the largest charitable organizations ever. He's a man who spent decades of deeply focused, passionate time developing a world-class knowledge of computer circuitry. He didn't harbor it for himself, but shared it so everyone could massively improve their lives. He's a man who cares immensely about keeping his dominance in the business world. To be in a deceptive relationship, whether you are conscious of it or not, frequently results in the following traumatic responses: It will also help you to understand more how what is occurring leads not just to attempts to cope but results in traumatic responses.

As painful as the stories are, there is hope. The women you've just met are all joyfully living their lives differently as a consequence of changes they have made. Throughout this article, you will continue to hear from them, as well as many other unnamed partners who give voice to their journey. Like the Women of the Lodge, you, too, have the strength to move forward in your life. Understanding what has happened and recognizing how you are impacted can lead to a life-changing transformation. It takes courage; But the possibilities of living your life differently are worth the struggle. My hope is that you will allow yourself to begin this journey. Yes, I sacrificed a bit of power to begin with, but I soon refined my technique to compensate. As a result, I became more efficient, which enabled me to get that clipped-in speed back. Are you relying on a piece of equipment in a similar way? Maybe it's a paddle with a huge blade that enables you to generate a lot of power with little thought for stroke technique. Or some fat-soled shoes that allow you to heel strike to your heart's content. Perhaps it's a weight belt you use when you squat in the belief that it will keep your lower back safe when you're packing on all those plates, without realizing that it can encourage you to overestimate your ability and disengage your core, which naturally stabilizes your spine. Take a look at your gear and identify something that's providing a benefit, but at a cost. Then try doing without it for a while and see what you learn about how you can improve your mechanics. Chances are it will take a little discovery and a few setbacks to find your new groove. But you'll be better off in the long run (or ride). He is not an apathetic man. Neither is Blake Mycoskie, the founder of TOMS Shoes.

This company is a hallmark example of an organization that does business for a cause. You buy a shoe and you give a shoe to someone in need. It's such a simple way to justify your shopping spree while satisfying someone's feet in Africa with shoes. Blake Mycoskie was raised by an orthopedic surgeon, though, and went to Southern Methodist University on a tennis scholarship. SMU is not a cheap college and his parents paid for him to go to college! During his time there, he also founded a $1 million laundry company and always had a knack for being entrepreneurial. Is his story a started from the bottom, now we're here kind of narrative? Doesn't seem like it; After hearing time after time that you have quite an imagination or that you are the one responsible for his unhappiness or that it's your job to shut up and be grateful for what you have or that you simply have trust issues, you learn to keep quiet. You keep fears and doubts to yourself while your self-esteem erodes away. Whenever I confronted my husband with my suspicions that he was interested in other women, he would always say that I was the one he loved. He said that while he found other women interesting to look at, I didn't need to worry. But I did worry. What if he decided to meet someone in one of those chat rooms that I knew about? From there my thinking was all a downhill spin inside my head: I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, or sexy enough. So many times my husband would say, You are lucky to have me in your life. No other man is willing to take on a woman with four young children. You should just be more grateful and not so controlling all of the time. Braced for Impact Another crutch that athletes are overdependent on is braces and supports.

This is perhaps most prevalent in basketball, where players who've frequently rolled their ankles not only tape them before games but also strap into braces so tight that they'd make a corset-wearing Downton Abbey star feel restricted. The theory here is that if you limit the range of motion at the ankle, you're less likely to turn it when stepping on another player's shoe or landing awkwardly after a layup. But the problem is that the foot-ankle complex becomes weak after a sprain, and it will never regain its integrity or mobility if the player is binding the ankle tightly. Also, the ankle doesn't function in isolation but in a system with the knee and hip. When you land from a jump, your body needs to absorb massive forces, and it naturally does so by flexing simultaneously at the ankle, knee, and hip. But when you block one part of this sequence by bracing the ankle (or, indeed, the knee), you change the movement pattern. If there's a positional error at the bottom of the chain, the body has to make a correction higher up to maintain stability. Unfortunately for the brace-bound player, such a compensation is often made at the knee. He got after it and continues to get after it! Martin Luther King Jr. So was Nelson Mandella, who helped alleviate a racial conflict in South Africa of his own. There are also Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and countless others you might think of who fought for noble causes. They obviously illustrate immense compassion for those in need. So much so, they all died doing it. The Reality of Solving a Big Problem A lot of people fantasize about solving large problems like this. Are you willing to become the next crusader for a social cause? Will you create the next business that transforms the economy? Then I'd tell myself I have trust issues with men and if I could just be more trusting, everything would really be okay. I try not to act so needy, so desperate, because I think that drives him away, but it is hard for me when I am so scared I will lose him.