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They all turned out to be too high, no surprise given what I saw clinically. But his pulse was strong and regular. In a quiet single room surrounded by his family, he took several high doses of Librium and some fluids and began to settle down. I concluded that Tom had begun the DTs with the horror, disorientation, and nervous system arousal that characterize the condition. But treatment had begun early, and he was responding. His family were never more than a few feet away from him throughout the many hours needed to stabilize him. That meant far more to him than I understood at the time. I was witnessing a family making a lifesaving treatment possible. To get Tom to stay, at least for the first few days, I agreed that his family, however many they wanted, could share the room with him--and they did, day and night. They were his bridge to reality, his touchstone to trust, as well as protection for hospital staff should he suddenly become paranoid and strike out. The family were critical, as well, in conveying Tom's life story, not only in their words but also in their actions. At this point, with what appear to be too many tasks to accomplish, and, believing that he doesn't have enough time to do a good enough job on each of them to justify taking action, Henry finds himself hopelessly stuck. Even if Henry wanted to give himself a fresh start, it's likely that he doesn't know how to arrange going about his tasks in an orderly fashion; and because of this, Henry's become accustomed to acting impulsively. Not coincidentally, his results are often less than desirable. Then, after Henry completes a task by cutting corners, he berates himself with negative self-talk, sometimes even calling himself "stupid," which lowers his already plummeting self-worth and self-esteem. However, Henry isn't "stupid"; he's simply fallen into a mental pit because he doesn't know any other way of life. Henry only knows leaving home for work each day and coming straight back to what he jokingly refers to as "The National Junk Preserve." Instead of working on his tasks the moment that he returns home from work, he turns his television on to distract himself from the squalor and loneliness that he finds himself in. In short, Henry feels helpless and hopeless. Here's a riddle: "How many sides does a barrel have?" The answer is two: an outside, and an inside. Now, here's another riddle: "How many sides does a habitual procrastinator have?" The answer is the same, two--but in this case they consist of the outer-selves that we display to the world, and our inner-selves which we hide from view.

There are times when we can surprise ourselves with our ability to conceal our inner-self. One such time for me was when I went to job interviews, where the name of the game was to look eager for work. That was quite an accomplishment indeed, for if only the interviewer could have seen my quivering insides. In search of an administrative position, one of the attributes listed on my resume was "neat and organized." Luckily for me a home inspection wasn't part of the interview process--for if one were required, I would never have gotten the job. While not formally recognized as a mental disorder in the latest version of the DSM-V, complicated grief appears most likely to occur in females, particularly older females, following a traumatic loss, such as the unexpected or violent death of a loved one. A previous history of mental health problems, including depression or PTSD, can also make people more vulnerable, especially if they are socially isolated and lack a strong support network of friends and family. In extreme cases, people dealing with complicated grief may also develop psychotic symptoms, including hallucinations of a loved one's voice or image, as well as distorted thinking and delusional beliefs. Since the symptoms of complicated grief are so similar to major depression, diagnosis and treatment should only be carried out by qualified medical professionals. Also, considering that people with complicated grief are often at risk for suicide, substance abuse, or other negative coping strategies, cases of suspected complicated grief need to be carefully monitored for their own safety. While bereavement counseling can often be useful in dealing with grief, more severe mental health problems will often require treatment with medication as well as supportive counseling to help control grief symptoms. If left untreated, the symptoms of complicated grief will often lead to serious mental health problems as well as medical issues resulting from chronic stress and increased risk of suicide or substance abuse. The stress of prolonged grief can also lead to a wide range of physical ailments, including heart disease, a reduced immune system, increased risk of stroke, and dementia. For people dealing with grief symptoms that don't seem to be going away, it is essential that they see their family doctors to determine what kind of treatment they might need. Along with medications that might help, there are also specialized cognitive behavioral therapy programs that have been developed for people dealing with this kind of grief. Imagine having a full day when you are by yourself at work. There are no meetings. You won't find yourself in a conference room with eight colleagues listening to only two of those people discussing what the right solution is to some issue or other. Your boss is not going to call you and ask for a progress report on the IT project, and no emails are ticking in with URGENT' in the subject line. <a href=''>It</a> is a nice dream, isn't it? <a href=''>Imagine</a> what you could do with that level of freedom. <br /><br /><a href=''>Imagine</a> how much work you would get done that day. <a href=''>Profound</a> work, work that needs your full attention and concentration. <a href=''>Work</a> which you have chosen to do and enjoy doing. <a href=''>Broadly</a> speaking, there are three things that take away our freedom at work: meetings, managers and mails. <a href=''>A</a> lot of us try to fill in the ten- or twenty-minute holes between meetings with work that requires concentration and long uninterrupted periods of time to be done properly. <a href=''>According</a> to Jason Fried, serial entrepreneur and author of Remote: Office Not Required, meetings and managers undermine our productivity. <a href=''>In</a> short, meetings are employees talking about work that they have done or work that they are going to do, and managers are people whose job it is to interrupt people. <a href=''>Both</a> are killing our productivity. <a href=''>As</a> a solution, Fried suggests that, instead of casual Fridays,no-talk Thursdays' should be introduced. Pick a Thursday - say, the first or last of every month - and make it the rule that nobody in the office can talk to each other that day. No interruptions. No phone calls. No meetings. Just silence. Now work on whatever you need to work on. When I work with coaching clients to figure out the problems they're having with women and dating, there's always a common issue leading up to their problems - listening to words more than listening to actions. They're basing their thoughts, emotions, and actions off of everything she's saying instead of paying attention to what she's doing - and it's causing severe conflict and confusion. They're saying, "She said this, this, and this, but she's doing this, this, and this and it doesn't make sense. I don't know what to say or do to fix this." My reply is always, "Stop listening to what she's saying and pay more attention to what she's doing. Her actions tell the truth.

She can lie, exaggerate, or paint any picture she wants you to have in your mind with her words, but she can't do the same with her actions because they're so concrete and harder to manipulate. Her actions will ALWAYS tell you every single thing you need to know about her and your relationship with her." Only suckers listen to words and ignore actions. Stop getting fooled. Develop an "I'll believe it when I see it" attitude and prevent yourself from being easily manipulated. Become very observant and stop believing everything you hear. Even if they're trying to justify actions with words, actions are, still, more truthful. This doesn't make everyone a liar, it simply means most of us don't understand the power of behavior in comparison to words. It's harder to manipulate behavior because it's where thoughts, emotions, and motivations manifest themselves and we use words to cover up the things we don't like, not knowing, the behavior will still shine through. Words have less power than you think and actions tell everyone the pure and unadulterated truth about thoughts, emotions, habits, and how much anyone has their act together. Listen to actions, not words. Tom's sister told me that he had been a handsome and talented adolescent with a quick mind and reflexes, one of those youths who stand out wherever they are. He was the firstborn in his family of four children. His mother died from a car accident when he was ten, leaving him in the care of her brother; Tom's father had left the family and was seldom on the reservation. The uncle was a leader on the reservation, not too heavy a drinker, and stayed close to home. Tom was a good student on a reservation where education had little value, and he became a pretty good boxer. While he would never be a contender for the Golden Gloves, he was fast and aggressive and knew how to outwit an opponent. Smart, athletic, and attractive, he stood out in a community where alcoholism, aimlessness, and unemployment were the norm among young men. Tom had enrolled in the state university, a ride south of the reservation, which provided him with free tuition and board and offered the promise of a life different from that of his friends and family. Tom was the first one to try. No other member of this reservation had ever gone away for school.

That was five years before I met him. When he quit school for the first time to come home, his family persuaded him to return. He still carried the family's hopes and pride for his achievement, and he liked the feeling of being first. But one school leave followed another. It was not the studies that got to him. Ironically, what gave him strength was also his undoing: his profound attachment to his family and community, and theirs to him, was essential to his psychic equilibrium and his capacity to succeed. Without them, he was a lost soul. Many youths can take the feeling of secure attachment with them wherever they go, but Tom's emotional security was dependent on feeling his family's presence daily and visibly--and college was hundreds of miles away. Within a few days of arriving at the hospital, Tom was well into a controlled, medical alcohol detoxification. The DTs abated, he was able to eat, hold down food, and sleep, though fitfully. It was weeks before Tom would be ready to leave the hospital, using the time to rebuild his health and regain some of his confidence and hope for the future. I was in no rush to discharge him, and he and his family had more or less set up camp there anyway. As the DTs passed and his acute withdrawal was complete, further evaluation done on his heart revealed evidence of some enlargement. It didn't need medical treatment, but would heal itself if he stayed away from alcohol and its cardiac toxicity. I came to see the charm and intelligence that had won him so many supporters and opportunities. I began to think he could return to school once again. But he could not and would not. He seemed to know that. However, little did I know at the time, that the condition of my apartment actually did have an affect on how I did on job interviews, because I constantly carried the burden of feeling like an ineffective adult--and the worse my apartment was, the weaker I felt. So, while singing my outer-self's praises to the interviewer, I'm sure my body language gave away my inner-self's conflict.