Jot down any and all words, images, and ideas that come to mind. For some people, your thoughts may immediately go to an experience of trauma. That's not unusual. Make a choice about how to take care of yourself. If you can, use this as an opportunity to explore it. Or, you may want to temporarily protect yourself and try to chase it out of your mind by writing on another topic. As an example, my go-to journaling when I need to feel uplifted is to write about something I feel grateful for. If I write in a fast stream of consciousness, I can usually chase bad thoughts away and move into a sense of love and appreciation. I incessantly asked him whether or not he had been on the internet, if he found my women friends attractive, what it was that made them attractive, and if I was prettier than his female coworkers. These questions were intended to make me feel as if I was the only one he'd ever want to be with sexually, somehow believing he had no need for anyone else. I would use my sexuality as a tease, but I really controlled our sex life and often used the kids and illness as an excuse to avoid sex. Then right about the time I would get comfortable that he was not into pornography anymore, he would be back at it. The next thing I knew, I had an affair--only one, but I felt so self-righteous. I just didn't understand why he did these things. I became really angry and my way of getting back at him was to spend money. I would go on shopping binges and wait for him to say something to me. He never did. I knew he wouldn't. How do we bust out of this house arrest? Embrace nature, which has no such restrictions.

A big reason that Kai Lenny seems so joyous when he's surfing, stand-up paddleboarding, kitesurfing, or windsurfing is that, while his sponsors compensate him, he still retains the same sense of playful exuberance that attracted him to the water as a knee-high grom. The ocean is the biggest playground in the world, and it's for free, Kai told me. No one owns it. You can go out there, and whether you're the poorest or richest person in the world it's going to treat you the exact same. It's the only equal platform on the planet for everybody. Land is just stagnant, still. Water is constant movement and gives us the chance to harness this amazing energy. Even though Kai is pushing the boundaries in so many sports, the internet-breaking aerial that he pulled off at Jaws in 2016 wasn't an end point for him. Share with a partner. The listener's role is to listen and communicate to the speaker that you hear them. No judgment. It's okay to sit together in silence and just share space together. Try to lighten the performance pressure. The goal is just to be with your partner as they share their experience. Afterward, the listener asks questions intended to help deepen their understanding of the other person's experience. Again, try to avoid judgment or commentary and to keep the focus on learning. Role Switch. Trade roles and do this exercise again. And I knew why. I loved my husband and I wanted my marriage.

A lot of our life was good, but we had this secret life. His lies, his deception, his pornography. My acts of revenge, my shame, my lies to myself and the world. Our screaming at each other, or rather my forever rants full of questions and his passive puppy-dog-look response. Ultimately, through our church, we found some help with people who knew about sex addiction. That took away a lot of the shame. I thought that life would be better now. But I stayed totally preoccupied with what he was doing . Far from it. I don't think the trick I did at Peahi was anything special because to me it was just the beginning of where I want to take surfing in the future. Snowboarding was basically born out of surfing. Now it's giving back because I'm looking to surf giant waves as if I was Travis Rice out in Alaska, riding these huge mountains and doing giant tricks. Then you take foilboarding and it's like snowboarding powder. It can give you new opportunities because now you don't have to go surf a crowded break anymore. A crummy wave that you would never have looked at twice becomes something you can surf. Foiling is going to open the world up to more surfers, because it allows us to ride waves that used to be unrideable. I'm trying to build on what Laird [Hamilton], Dave [Kalama], and the Strapped Crew started, and now I see these little kids doing tricks that the pros weren't even trying when I was growing up. Imagine how good they're gonna be in a few years. Part 4: Journal Reflection Reflect on any positive aspects of who you are that may have developed from or be related to the negative experience you chose in Part 3.

This time let your journaling be more thoughtful as opposed to stream of consciousness. However, are there positive attributes that come with the ability to speak more than one language? Learning Objectives: Were the learning objectives achieved? For some people, the second and third objectives may have backfired, resulting in feelings of increased alienation, disconnection, and victimization. If so, please don't stop here. Can you explore this more? Is there a safe person you can find with whom you can discuss this and experience connection? Did he connect with women there? Does he have a secret computer somewhere outside of the home? I was busy with the kids at school, but was now isolating from the other moms thinking that maybe they were the ones he chatted with on the internet. I found myself getting angry with the kids for no good reason. It was as if once he started to get better, I felt even more out of control. As Therese was first learning about her husband's behavior she did what a lot of women do in their shame, in their attempt to deny their humiliation and embarrassment, she moved into Perfectionism. She did what she could to paint a different picture than the reality of what she was living. As long as she stayed busy being the mother to her four children, with a smile on her face, she somehow felt she had control of her world. Just slice half of me off is how she referred to what she was doing to cope. She was seeking control where she could, trying to bring some semblance of safety into her life. There are endless possibilities, and surfing will never stop evolving. One of the keys to lifelong health and fulfillment is to make learning and growth the kind of never-ending, continually evolving process that Kai is talking about.

Our opportunities and potential to advance and develop are restricted when we use up all of our active time indoors but unbound when we're outside. When we cultivate an outdoor lifestyle, it becomes effortless to make movement part of our lives, rather than setting aside this little block of time to go to the gym and closing it off from every other part of our day. If you also start to do other things outdoors when the weather permits, like walking to get your newspaper instead of having it delivered, driving to your local park to run sprints instead of cranking up the speed on a treadmill, taking camping vacations, and so on, you soon wonder why you were spending all that time inside. Then you add this to starting a new outdoor sport or picking up an old one (remember that surfboard that's been gathering dust in your garage for the past five years? And you don't need to wait until you can afford expensive gear like a $600 driver or a $300 tennis racket. Just start playing. Andy's brother is a good example of someone who did exactly that. When he lived with Andy he had access to a full training gym, kickboxing equipment, and all the other gear Andy has at his house. Can you get professional help? Process the reflection with your partner. CRITICAL REVIEW The objective of helping people understand privilege and disadvantage may be more valuable for privileged people who are less likely to see the ways they are advantaged. Disadvantage, for those who experience it, is more well known, not something someone who is disadvantaged needs to be reminded of. This exercise, therefore, can be criticized for centering on whiteness and other forms of power, using marginalized people as props to help advantaged people see how privileged they are. Privileged people need to see, somehow, the privilege they live in. Still, by refocusing on advantage, we end up reproducing privilege within the context of the exercise. For disadvantaged people, the primary value may be in the reinforcement that there are systemic contributions to their challenges, which could help them to lighten up on self-blame for their circumstances. SEX, GENDER, AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION: A PRIMER AND GLOSSARY She was also incredibly enraged, finding ways to both punish her husband and to induce guilt to get him to stop his acting out. Some women claim emphatically that they would accept internet sex any day over other behaviors.