She feels that she has to be as close to perfect as possible because she doesn't want to get sick again. Can others who don't have a chronic illness still have some flexibility? Consider that heart disease is insidious. One-third of people with heart disease who die suddenly had no previous symptoms. We have to consider someone's risk factors and determine what level of flexibility exists. Plan for three months of no meat or eggs, which allows time for the gut to heal. After that, is there room for an occasional meat or egg dish? Maybe, we don't know. Here are a few examples of what this mental thought process should look like: I want to lose weight. Well, to start with, let me sign up for a gym membership and I guess I'll commit to going to the gym. I think that's doable. In fact, I'll schedule a time today to go to the gym. When should I work out later this week? I want to actually have financial savings. I don't want to be in constant fear that I'll be out of money. So, if I make $2400 per month, that's $72? No, that's too much. Your children's relationship with the addict may be emotionally distressed as a consequence of his physical absences, his not showing up to events, his lies and broken promises, or his emotional absence or overindulgence at home. Rageful behavior and mismanagement of money create consequences for children;

If the two of you demonstrate poor relational skills such as anger, silence, sarcasm, or inattentiveness, then that is also problematic. Your behavior has a direct impact on your children as well. Distorted anger, depression, using your kids to communicate for you, not allowing them their autonomy, or using them as your confidant or friend are just a few of the ways your behavior could also fuel long-term problems. The direct pain children experience is just as often about the unhealthy expression of emotions and poor relational skills as it may be about sexual messages and behavior. History has proven that time and time again, in the throes of living with addictive behavior, whether or not it is recognized as such, children experience emotional abandonment that sets them up to seek ways to escape or numb their pain, often leading to various forms of addiction. Children growing up with addiction often vow, It will never happen to me. Yet when they meet with life's difficulties, they don't have the emotional maturity or coping skills to live their life differently. Historically, when young people are hurt, confused, and angry, they resort to acting out with alcohol, other drugs, and/or sex. Everyone's body will respond differently. At the same time, we would also say that everyone is doing their best. Eating less is always better than eating more. Do the best you can. Set goals and focus. You can do this. Consider the alternative: feeling bad, miserable even, and having a chronic illness. Isn't a healthy, meat-free diet worth a try? This is difficult for many people; We always remind them that elimination is hard, but taking medications is hard too. Let's just save $50 this month. I can eat five meals at home instead of going out this month, right?

I want to make more friends. Not just more friends, but better friends. Well, I gotta start somewhere! Isn't there that Meetup. I'll check that out and attend a hangout. Maybe I could ask my coworkers if anything fun is happening? I don't like my coworkers. Dave is a pretty good guy. They begin to repeat the models they were raised with, all the while rationalizing, minimizing, and denying that they too are a part of the addictive cycle. They act out sexually or, as the Women of the Lodge said, become the perfect partner. My intent here is not to scare you, but to help you garner a healthy fear of the insidiousness of the generational repetition of addiction--repetition that is only broken by way of a recovery process. There is a saying, When addiction exists within a family, look a second time. I would like to rephrase that slightly as When recovery exists in a family, look again. You have the potential to stop the legacy of addiction and sexual betrayal and significantly improve the odds that healthy choices and lifestyle come naturally in your children's development. More so than words, your style of parenting will have the greatest impact in the long run. Take responsibility where you can. The resiliency of children will be supported when you: You cannot change the past behavior, but you can influence your children by providing an example in your recovery practices. What would you do if it meant you could stop taking medicine? What would you give up to live a longer, healthier life?

ELIMINATION #2: Eliminate Dairy--All of It. Dairy refers to foods that come from cows. So removing dairy means removing cow's milk, cheese, and butter. Once milk is obtained from cows on farms, it is pasteurized. Pasteurization is the process of heating something to high temperatures, then cooling it quickly; Pasteurization works. It enables us to transfer milk from farms to grocery stores, so it will keep for 10 days after opening. Before pasteurization, dairy would be full of harmful bacteria by the time it got to the table, and children were getting sick from drinking it. Let me go see what he's up to. What the heck is he doing! Do you see how these are just first steps? Sign up at a gym. See what Dave is doing. In these next few articles, I'll go into the lessons that were taught to me by my consulting firm on what it takes to live a non-apathetic life. But the first issue to solve actually has nothing to do with specific action steps or tools. What it takes is a heart that's willing to change, which is oftentimes the first obstacle you'll have to overcome. But, Wait. Do You Really? If you do not have a commitment to change your family system, disclosure alone won't break this addiction cycle. Changing the family system begins with your individual commitment to recovery.

Then, at the appropriate time, disclosing secrets to your children can help to break the generational cycle. It is in recovery that you will find the strength to be the parent your children need you to be. You will probably always feel sad that your children have been exposed to dynamics that have caused them pain. It is normal to be concerned and fearful of the consequences for your children. With support from others in recovery and with the guidance of skilled helping professionals, you can do your part by taking responsibility and being accountable to your children. Reflective Thoughts and Questions Your Time to Heal How long will it hurt? Pasteurization is done to avoid that bacteria from forming, given the distance milk must travel and the time that passes before we actually drink it. With pasteurization, however, we not only remove bacteria, but we also kill enzymes that we need to break down milk in our bodies. Many of us are sensitive to milk and have a milk allergy or milk sensitivity because we lack the enzyme lactase. But we believe these dairy products also trigger a leaky gut. Our immune systems are activated, and our bodies develop immune complexes that start attacking parts of the body. We know that chronic inflammation increases risk for heart disease and cancer. In some studies, when dairy was replaced with a plant-based protein source, there was a reduction in cardiovascular disease! Suggesting, then, that we drink more milk to decrease our fracture risk is a conceivable contradiction. One of the studies in that review evaluated people who drank more than three glasses of milk per day versus those who drank fewer than one glass per day. The research found higher fracture and death rates in women who drank more milk. You must be cautious, because making your life better means adopting a lot of responsibility, and that takes more effort and care than living stupidly in pain and remaining arrogant, deceitful and resentful. - Dr Jordan Peterson