I wrote that lecture down when I returned to my hotel room and thought about the answer to that question. What does the NO FEAR motto mean to me? I realized that NO FEAR means that I will not let fear determine my every move. It means that I will look the Bully straight in the eye and say, No, you cannot control my life. I am in charge here. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Those who have suffered narcissistic abuse feel controlled by their abusers whether they are still in relationships with them or long removed from them. The associated feelings of physical and mental bondage can be the same, as can the feelings of anger, depression, confusion, and hopelessness. Many narcissistic survivors who have left these types of relationships continue to suffer debilitating repercussions of the psychological trauma, a serious problem that makes daily living a struggle for them. It is not uncommon for narcissistic abuse survivors to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or even more likely, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). To quote stress expert Dr Mary Wingo: Trauma exposure causes us to go into the fight or flight mode. It basically trains our autonomic nervous system to become hair-trigger sensitive to detect threats and changes in the environment. Over time, especially when it starts in childhood, the sympathetic nervous system becomes very hair-trigger happy. This is specifically what causes all of the problems downstream, oftentimes for decades. I'm great at some things and not so good at others. I'm well intentioned but imperfect. Instead of the ego's all or nothing, humility allows us to understand our weaknesses and want to improve. In the tenth canto of the Srimad-Bhagavatam, Lord Brahma, the god of creation, prays to Krishna, the supreme god. He is apologizing to Krishna, because in the course of building the world, Brahma has been pretty impressed with himself.

Then he encounters Krishna, and he confesses that he is like a firefly. At night, when a firefly glows, it thinks, How bright I am. How amazing! I'm lighting up the whole sky! But in the light of day, no matter how brightly the firefly glows, its light is weak, if not invisible, and it realizes its insignificance. When I was at junior school, my sister and I had savings accounts at the local building society. Occasionally, we would go in to deposit a pound in our accounts and come out proudly with our updated passarticles. One year, the building society held a competition to create a piece of art depicting their office, a Victorian villa situated on the roundabout just off the high street of the little town where we lived. My entry was a collage. I made the walls of the building from pale yellow hessian. I cut out pieces of paper to look like people and placed them so that they were leaning out of the upstairs windows waving their passarticles. Looking back, I've no doubt it was these cut-out people who helped me to win the competition. But it was not because my artistic efforts so delighted the judges - one of whom was the building society manager. More likely it was down to my massive overestimation of interest rates. I'd filled in the little cardboard passarticles held by my paper people with figures such as: Deposit: L600, Interest: L300. <a href='https://n9.cl/b09r3'>And</a> I realized that NO FEAR does not mean that there will be no fear, but that I am committing to saying NO to fear. <a href='https://n9.cl/2vw0c'>And</a> then I realized that I had just been firmly, but lovingly, shoved off my safe little ledge into my next free fall. <a href='https://n9.cl/e6leh'>The</a> evening walk would serve as the catalyst for a brand-new growth spurt. <a href='https://n9.cl/xgfn'>I</a> write to you now from somewhere inside that growth spurt. <a href='https://n9.cl/xp5f'>I</a> have taken the lecture to heart--and mind. <br /><br /><a href='https://n9.cl/nxho'>What</a> seems just as important is the time I have spent reflecting on fear as the great common denominator that it is. <a href='https://n9.cl/9phq'>The</a> presenttense practice of the NO FEAR motto has helped me take important new steps in both the personal and professional aspects of my life, but it has also given me new lenses through which to view our human condition. <a href='https://n9.cl/dixt'>The</a> ideas and the stories in this article are my report to you from my perspective with the new lenses. <a href='https://n9.cl/fjqno'>I</a> hope you will try on these lenses too. <a href='https://n9.cl/gmv0'>I</a> encourage you to adopt the NO FEAR motto as your own. <a href='https://n9.cl/xn0uj'>When</a> the stress response keeps going on and we are not able to commit it to declarative memory, if we are not able to make a verbal narrative of it and then another stressor happens and we are not able to recover from the first one, we end up with PTSD. <a href='https://n9.cl/48mxm'>Unresolved</a> stressors are piled one on top of the other, so it really messes up memory or cognitive centers as well as endocrine and immune responses. <a href='https://n9.cl/lkfd'>Once</a> the organism understands that the world is not safe, the entire demeanor changes to meet that particular challenge. <a href='https://n9.cl/3wgj4'>Post-traumatic</a> stress disorder, which used to be referred to by war veterans as battle fatigue or shell shock, occurs after a traumatic single event. <a href='https://n9.cl/rhwr'>Symptoms</a> of PTSD usually emerge within three months of the trauma, but sometimes not until years later. <a href='https://n9.cl/28kg'>PTSD</a> is a psychiatric disorder that can manifest in anyone at any age. <a href='https://n9.cl/f3y6'>It</a> develops after a person experiences traumatic physical harm, a terrifying threat to one's survival, or after witnessing the horrifying physical harm or treatment of someone else. <a href='https://n9.cl/csnh'>Symptoms</a> can range in severity. <a href='https://n9.cl/2t43'>For</a> someone to be diagnosed with PTSD, their symptoms must be present for more than a month. <a href='https://n9.cl/z42g'>Three</a> categories of symptoms present in those with PTSD are: <a href='https://n9.cl/0ts2g'>Brahma</a> realizes that he thought he was lighting the world, but when Krishna brings the sun out, he realizes that he is no more than a firefly. <a href='https://n9.cl/yd35h'>In</a> the darkness of the ego we think we're special and powerful and significant, but when we look at ourselves in context of the great universe, we see that we only play a small part. <a href='https://n9.cl/9m78'>To</a> find true humility, like the firefly, we must look at ourselves when the sun is out and we can see clearly. <a href='https://n9.cl/fda6o'>PRACTICE</a> HUMILITY <a href='https://n9.cl/qjzx4'>At</a> the ashram, the most straightforward path to humility was through simple work, menial tasks that didn't place any participant at the center of attention. <br /><br /><a href='https://n9.cl/hbls'>We</a> washed huge pots with hoses, pulled weeds in the vegetable garden, and washed down the squat toilets--the worst! <a href='https://n9.cl/fi1n5'>The</a> point wasn't just to complete the work that needed to be done. <a href='https://n9.cl/rtn3'>It</a> was to keep us from getting big-headed. <a href='https://n9.cl/2fni'>I've</a> talked about how impatient I was with some of this work. <a href='https://n9.cl/p5hat'>Why</a> was I wasting my expertise picking up trash? <a href='https://n9.cl/54xd9'>Balance:</a> L900'. <a href='https://n9.cl/xjfr'>Admittedly</a> interest rates were running high in those days, but definitely not that high! <a href='https://n9.cl/5fk0'>Still,</a> it showed that even as a little girl I had some understanding of how money works, even if I was sketchy on the detail. <a href='https://n9.cl/6b875'>I'd</a> already been introduced to the concepts of saving, interest, deposits and balances. <a href='https://clyp.it/user/ymqipq13'>I</a> knew that money wasn't just a matter of handing over a certain number of coins in order to get a certain number of sweets. <a href='https://clyp.it/user/yhkrasxz'>One</a> study I particularly like about our early grasp of money involves a group of six-year-olds in a Finnish nursery school. <a href='https://clyp.it/user/aysjysxj'>It's</a> 2008, and they sit on a carpet to create their own theatrical production. <a href='https://clyp.it/user/jzoztlds'>Adult</a> producers are there to help them, but the point is for the children to make as many decisions about the play as possible - everything from the set design to the plot and the wording of the script. <a href='https://clyp.it/user/bkx250jb'>After</a> some discussion, they invent a story they callSix Million Lions'. They select parts for themselves, with one boy insisting that he would play a table made from potatoes, a role that sounds as though it would stretch most actors, but which - in the spirit of self-determinism - is permitted. Find ways to bring it to mind throughout the day. One of my clients, Lynn, keeps the words NO FEAR taped to her bathroom mirror, and the initials, N. The initials remind me of the NO FEAR motto, Lynn told me, without anyone else knowing what they represent. When Lynn starts her computer at work, the letters N. The more you rehearse the NO FEAR motto, the more natural it will become.

Don't think that the motto will replace or take away fear, because it won't. Just install the NO FEAR motto right next to your fear. Remember that the little voice told me that the assignment is to live a life that is not ruled by fear. It didn't say anything about being without fear. Repeat the motto to yourself frequently throughout the day. Hyper-arousal Reliving is the re-experiencing of a painful event as if it is currently happening. A person may relive their experience through: Triggers: sights, sounds, smells that bring a painful memory to the surface Nightmares: terrifying dreams about painful memories Flashbacks: realistic mental snapshots of painful past events Compulsive thinking: repeatedly going over an experience in one's mind Avoidance is the evasion of something that reminds the person of painful memories; A person may react the following ways: Feel anxious at the thought of having to re-experience an event The monks said that I was missing the point. Some tasks build competence, and some build character. The brainless activities annoyed me, but eventually I learned that doing an activity that was mentally unchallenging freed space for reflection and introspection. It was worthwhile after all. Performing mundane tasks at an ashram isn't exactly replicable in the modern world, but anyone can try this simple mental exercise we used to become more aware of our ego on a daily basis.