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However, she realizes that she needs to set limits with her friend about the gym so that she doesn't reject her. Haley decides that she'll stick to her gym schedule and not count on Michelle to show up. She tells Michelle that to keep herself healthy she needs to go to the gym three times a week at certain times. I'd be furious, bloody furious. And I'm scared of being angry like that, scared of what I'd do, who I'd become. So if I blame myself. It stops me being angry. The blood is pulsing in my neck and suddenly I feel alert, as if I've stepped into bright sunshine. I can't let myself down. I'm so scared. I'm so scared of having to admit that I'm a thoroughly despicable person, that I deserved what happened to me. Because I can't bear to hear the evidence. I don't want to risk the death penalty. This stimulates the acu-points along the spine, which leads to all the major organs. The pinch and lift is soft and gentle and will relax and soothe your child. Ear Infections: The Fear Not to Hear I've yet to meet a parent who doesn't dread the feverish, ear-tugging terrors that ear infections can bring to an otherwise happy baby. Otitis media (middle ear infection) is the most common form of ear infection. There were 30 million doctor visits for otitis media in 1997, which is up three-fold since 1975. Your conventional physician monitors your child's ears for any sign of fluid, redness, or inflammation, which could signal an increase in harmful bacteria.

Antibiotics are usually the standard treatment in these situations. The American Academy of Pediatrics distinguishes between two kinds of otitis media: Acute otitis media. If Michelle is late, Haley will go on without her. If Michelle wants to change the day and time, Haley probably won't go along unless it's really convenient for her. Michelle feels angry about Haley's limit setting, but she agrees, not having any other real choice. Haley later sets limits with Michelle about several other issues in their relationship. If you have a friend with BPD, carefully consider the issues that you could improve by setting limits like Haley did. You can't expect the moon from your friend, but you certainly have the right to stand up for yourself, to not accept abuse, and to not allow someone else to consistently trample your time and schedule. Friendships are two-way streets. You may not receive as much from a friend who has BPD as you do from your other friends, but you have to get something positive from the relationship for it to be healthy. Friendships are choices -- if you feel trapped by a friendship, talk with a friend, a spiritual advisor, or even seek therapy for yourself to figure out what's going on. What you can't do I don't want to have to go there. It's in the eyes. Just cold and despising and full of contempt. Like there's nothing in the world that she hates as much as she hates me. It's awful. Suddenly I don't know if I can tolerate this feeling, and a fuzzy cloud starts to descend from the top of my skull and everything in me wants to drift away with it. But I also know that I can fight it, and that if I stay present it will be worth it.

I lean imperceptibly towards the therapist, to cling to her empathic presence, rather than retreating within myself. It's taken a long time to develop approach' rather thanavoid', and I'm pleased with myself for doing it. The fog dissipates and the words flurry out of me again like a snowstorm. Symptoms include fever, ear pain, and pus behind the eardrum. Most doctors use antibiotics to treat this type. Otitis media with effusion. This condition involves fluid in the middle ear, which can cause temporary hearing loss that will return as the fluid drains. Antibiotics are not necessary to treat this. Your physician can monitor the ears to make sure the fluid is draining. Unfortunately, the cycle of antibiotic use for recurrent ear infections can be maddening. As soon as the antibiotic treatment is finished, another ear infection pops up and it's off to the doctor's office for more meds. If the fluid does not drain, tubes are surgically implanted in your child's eardrum to prevent possible hearing loss. Most ear infections occur in children between three months and three years old. People with BPD often seek support from others whenever they can. They have chronic, deep emotional distress and desperately look for relief. In many cases, asking friends for special favors and advice isn't unusual. Sometimes they even plead with their friends to intervene on their behalf in conflicts. As the friend of someone with BPD, you can easily find yourself feeling engulfed by the friendship and feeling intense guilt about not always being there for your friend. We cover what you can do to help maintain a relationship with someone with BPD in the previous section, and now we offer some advice about what to avoid in that same friendship. Don't be your friend's therapist.

In general, you want to help your friends. You probably even give advice to your friends on occasion. But we're going to give you some advice -- don't let yourself take on the role of your friend's therapist! I am someone who is hated. That's what I think, when I think of my mother. She created me. She made me. And it's like she's declared that I'm hateable. That's who I am. I'm squirming now under the pain of it, and something else is forcing its way through my chest as well. Something like grief, but it's got mushy edges and it feels like it will suffocate me. Indignation is dripping from every word. It's not fair! The infections that I hear most often occur when a mother changes from breast milk to formula, starts feeding her baby solid foods, or when the baby starts teething. The fear is that improper hearing under the age of three may delay or impair normal language skills. It's a tricky time in most parents' lives. Oriental Medicine has a great deal to offer you to end the cycle of ear infections and help your baby's first years be healthy and happy ones. We'll say it again: Stop smoking! The August 1999 issue of Pediatrics reported on an Australian research study of ear infections from birth to age 5. This study compared children born to smoking and nonsmoking mothers.

Ending the Cycle of Ear Infections: Stopping the Drama Antibiotics can and do kill disease-causing bacteria. The physicians that I've worked with are doing their best to help your child. Even when you think you know what your friend should do, don't offer that advice because people with BPD need much more than suggestions for what to do. When you start acting like a therapist, you soon find yourself overwhelmed and drained. Don't mediate between someone with BPD and others. People with BPD get in numerous conflicts with other people -- co-workers, spouses, partners, and friends. And when they do, they try to gather support for their cause. They may ask you to intervene on their behalf or serve as a mediator. Don't agree to such requests. You're probably not a trained mediator, anyway, and, as a friend, you can't bring objectivity and neutrality to the table. The following story about Brandon and Peter illustrates how people with BPD can convince their friends to intervene in their personal problems. Brandon jumps into trying to help his friend Peter and later regrets it. And it's not true. You're not hateable. But then I'm caught again, because what she's saying is so alluring, and I so want to believe it, that panic rushes through me. My fingers tingle with it and there's no room suddenly in my lungs for air. It's not safe! Just as I believe in gravity without being able to explain it, so I believe in the dangerousness of not being `bad'. We sit awkwardly for a few moments.