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But really, we can recognize so-called good people in our lives, right? These are the folks that volunteer for unpaid projects and charities. They post online about doing benefit relief trips. They are probably firefighters or policemen or veterans or something else seemingly noble. They share experiences that end up in crazy positive stories. You know that they genuinely care about kids in wheelchairs, because you see them playing with kids in wheelchairs. They teach mentally disabled kids as a profession. If you don't know someone like this personally, you can watch people like Mr Beast on Youtube giving away $20,000 to a waitress for a glass of water. As she says, The worms were moving. As is typical with trauma victims, her intuition was trying to claim its voice, but fear and shame often overshadowed it. Sara frequently appeared more out of control in her rage than her husband did in his acting out. Challenged with raising children who were struggling, and with learning the full truth about his behavior, she was also faced with a serious health problem. In my work with women, I have found that as they confront the issues of their fractured relationships, they are still faced with multiple challenges of life, such as caretaking of sick parents, losing their parents, parenting children, or health concerns of their own or their partners. People don't get to choose the time to have major life issues present themselves. Twenty years ago, as a young adult, I came to the United States from South America. In my culture, it is perceived as normal and generally accepted that men will have mistresses and affairs. The men think those affairs make them look richer and more masculine. Women are never to complain, especially in public. Kai Lenny offers an example. I was kitesurfing five miles from my house on Maui and the wind started dying and turning offshore.

I was in a position where, okay, I could self-rescue and swim in right where I started, but I decided that I'd just kitesurf down to my house and get a ride back up to my car. So I started going down the coast. About three miles down, the wind began turning more and more offshore. I got blown all the way to the outer reefs, which are at least a mile from land. Then the wind died. The sun had set and it was starting to get dark. Then I noticed there was this shark following me. I had to roll up my twenty-four-meter line and was trying to get my stuff together quickly. Now THAT'S a good person, right? They obviously have some natural instinct that makes them care more than we do. Am I serving in some local organization to feed poor people in an assembly line? Do I consistently participate in acts of charity for random people? Nope, I do not. So this begs me to ask myself an offensive question. Am I really a good person? Yeah, come on! Of course I'm a good person! Doesn't this bar seem a little too high? In some way, as the wife, you are the honored one, the chosen one. You are the Madonna, the one he loves because he married you.

That is supposed to be enough for any woman. But I wanted something different. Knowing that I was coming to America, and that in America women had voices and power and men had less pressure to be macho, I had my big wedding and got married. I thought my marriage would be perfect; Three days after my wedding, my husband told me that he had gotten another woman pregnant and she was having the baby. Surprise, surprise--my marriage was a play of pretending, lots of lies and infidelities, lots of deceiving. Here I was in a new country. I didn't know anyone except his family. Then the wind turned straight offshore again and started blowing me out to sea. The shark was still right there. My board was too small to prone paddle in on my stomach. I realized I had to swim. So I tacked my board to my kite, which was still inflated but inverted. It was dragging in the water as I tried to swim a mile to shore against the wind. The whole time I was opening my eyes to see if there was anything below me because in most shark attacks it hits you from the bottom. If it went for me I was going to punch it in the nose because this will usually make it wig out and clear off. But the timing is crucial. You have to wait until it's basically on you. Should we really expect everyone to start going on charity food drives and have a can-do attitude all the time? We can't magically turn into Buddy the Elf here.

We've got other things to worry about. We have bills to pay, student loan debt that's always there, annoying family members we'd rather not be related to, and jobs to not get fired from! Aren't we doing a pretty good job as it is? How does a guy like Justin Wren, the MMA and Wrestling World Champion, create an organization that drills water wells in a forgotten community out in the Democratic Republic of Congo? There are other guys like David Green, the CEO of Hobby Lobby, who caps his salary and spends the rest of it to build orphanages all over the world. On top of that, my own cousin flew out to Uganda to work as a speech pathologist for people who can't afford the service! Who even does that? In this article, I want to paint an extremely clear picture about a harsh truth. I didn't speak the language. We were living in his parents' house because our apartment was not ready yet. The worst part was I had no one to talk to. While growing up I learned I had to be perfect. That was the expectation from friends and family members. My father and mother were community leaders, very involved in politics, church, and education. I saw my father as a perfect dad, and he had high dreams of me helping humanity. My mother was the perfect educator and received multiple awards. There was a whole community watching and raising me. We were never to disagree; Luckily the shark didn't come for me and I made it back to shore, but it was completely dark and I was wiped. I guess the moral of the story is just keeping cool under pressure.

If at any point you panic, there's a good chance that you're stuck out there. There's no one else that's going to help you. You can't get wrapped up in emotions or what you think other people would tell you to do. You just have to assess the situation, decide to survive, and make it happen. I go into this survival mode that allows me to quickly look at what's happening, anticipate what's next, and make a decision. Because I'm in the water almost every day I can skip a step in that process, and it's like I'm the viewer watching someone else do what's needed. My body just automatically takes over. I think people who are used to being in the mountains or the ocean would have such a higher survival rate if there was an apocalyptic event because these environments make you more aware of your surroundings. Most people are apathetic about their own lives, and the world's problems. A lot of people just don't care and live mediocre lives. Others will seemingly care, but it's only to talk a big game. They'll discuss these big issues and their own ideas on how to solve them on group chats, dinners, social media and social gatherings. Others will even take action, which is great! The problem is the action they take is infrequent and really doesn't do a whole lot to positively improve the situation. There's a cognitive dissonance we need to deal with here. A majority of us believe we are great people who care about each other. Look, nobody likes the fact that women are being taken into the sex trade or that infants are being abandoned in trash dumps. We see the negative headlines and we collectively sigh. I was the most perfect child, accelerating through school, graduating high school as class valedictorian (of course), and rapidly moving through Catholic law school. Then to the surprise of my parents, I got married immediately after graduation.