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This parable demonstrates that the light is always more powerful than the darkness. Light has substance and presence; What is not, cannot be more powerful than what is. We must devour the ghosts and demons that have haunted us. I refer not to the spooks that stalk our physical houses, but old, lingering, wispy fears that suck our life force from the beauty and wonder of the present moment. We must gobble up archaic self-images that hold us hostage as weak and worthless. The attics and basements of our minds are populated with ghoulish guilts and sardonic self-doubts, false definitions of ourselves as impotent addicts and selfish fools. They ruin careers, destroy families, and wreak havoc upon the patient and those around him. As we showed you in article 3, both ADHD and Asperger's syndrome are first and foremost social-communication disorders. They are manifested in difficulties with reading social cues, attending to the give-and-take of conversation, interpreting facial expressions, comprehending multiple levels of language, and empathizing with the concerns and needs of another. According to R. Peter Hobson, people with autism do not fully understand what it means for people to share and coordinate their experiences. As psychologist Dr Tony Attwood explains: Although their social interactions with others appear superficially natural, they consider they are mechanical and not intuitive. They remain confused as to how others share intimacy and maintain friendships with so little thought. RELATIONSHIP ISSUES IN ADULTHOOD The intricacies, the subtleties, the interactions, and the emotions of relationships pose complications for these adults--almost on a moment-by-moment basis. The central difficulty for most adults with these disorders is the expectations of others. Many modern people would bristle at this concept. Some version of I just gotta be me has been the battle cry of the last several, individualistic generations--my generation was encapsulated by complaint rock by bands like Nirvana. These days, the motto seems to be a perkier You do you.

Well, I think it's obvious to all sentient twenty-first-century beings that several generations of this self-centered mentality have come back to bite us. Some commentators suggest that late-stage capitalism is in the process of collapsing in on itself--resulting in such phenomena as worsening wealth disparities and making the earth increasingly uninhabitable. I think that people of all political persuasions are finally admitting that we need to get along, and consider others, in order for civilization to survive. We were wrong. Aristotle was right. Misanthropes rejoice: I promise you don't have to like people at all in order to get along with them. If you exercise good nunchi, you will create that social roundness we talked about, which makes it easier for you to drift in and out of conversations, if that's what you want. None of this is true, and we cannot afford to feed such vampires in our divine abode. We must transform them before they sap our dignity and undermine our noble purpose. We must march into their lair, while holding high the torch of truth. When touched by the light of dawn, illusions must disperse. With every fear we overturn, we walk in a bigger world. Tiny pathways widen to become sweeping thoroughfares. With every awakening we clear the way for many more to walk at our side. We are much farther along the path to enlightenment than we realize. The voice of fear would tell us that we are still small and limited, and no progress has been made. But beware the prompting of lack; Other people expect these adults to behave, interact, and respond in ways that are normal or at least socially acceptable. For example, they will be emotionally engaged, able to empathize, capable as parents. Such expectations rule relationships among adults, especially relationships between friends, coworkers, husbands and wives, parents and children.

And when these expectations aren't fulfilled, the relationships are seriously affected, as is the quality of life for the people involved. Contrary to the stereotype of the loner who is content by himself, many adults with ADHD and Asperger's syndrome deeply desire friendships. They are acutely aware that friendships are a necessary and desirable part of normal life. Yet this awareness does not compensate for their difficulties in establishing and maintaining friendships--especially since friendships are based upon unwritten rules for interaction. Part of the problem that adults with these disorders have in establishing friendships is that often their odd mannerisms and awkward, stilted ways of initiating conversation leave people with a negative impression. Even if they're successful in beginning a conversation, adults with these disorders tend to center their talk upon an area of interest, such as sports, and carry on to the point of boring their listener. Or, in other cases, these adults rapidly shift from one topic to another and leave their listeners in the dust, so to speak. Hermits often make the mistake of hoping that if they act prickly, people will leave them in peace. In fact, it is usually the opposite. Let's say you don't like being around people. If that's the case, you probably want to get in and out of the post office quickly. If the postal worker says, Oh, hi again! How's work these days? With the latter, you're just hurting yourself. Roundness makes interactions frictionless, so you can run back to your cave if you want. You can be as invisible or as visible as you desire. It's the people who are bad at nunchi who are always disturbing their environment and creating jagged edges with people. The seeds of greatness, sown long ago within you, are blossoming. You shall not be small again. The big picture reveals that love has guided us thus far, and it shall not stop now.

I am your friend and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not got; No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in today. Take heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take Peace! The gloom of the world is but a shadow. In either case, if the adult who has ADHD or Asperger's cannot navigate the first hurdle to friendship (ie, establishing a common ground through conversation), then he will not be successful at making friends. If a friendship is begun, then problems often emerge that interfere with maintenance. The main difficulty for adults with these disorders arises from the expectations that friends have of one another. Friends expect phone calls. Friends expect to share time together. Friends expect to share feelings. However, these expectations exhaust the ADHD or Asperger's adult, often to the point that they abandon the relationship. One young woman with Asperger's syndrome wrote what essentially amounts to a Dear John letter to her only girlfriend. Dear Jenna, You've been a good friend and we've had some good times but I can't do this anymore. Let nunchi help you smooth the edges of social interactions. Regardless of who you are, or how complicated your relationships, nunchi can help you move through life in a way that feels harmonious for you and everyone you encounter. Nunchi and Dating

They say there are no atheists in foxholes; This is particularly true in the early stages of getting to know someone. Online dating has made it commonplace to go out with someone about whom you know less than a random stranger on your morning commute. In many cases you will need to discern as quickly as possible whether the person you are meeting is dangerous (especially necessary if you are a woman) or worthy of your trust. You cannot rely on the words coming out of a person's mouth or what you read on their online profile. You have to use your nunchi. People on dates spend far too much energy trying to control the impression they are making on the other person, leaving no mental room to use their powers of nunchi. Behind it, yet within our reach, is Joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see - and to see we have only to look. I beseech you to look. Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by the covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love, by wisdom, with power. Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there; Our joys too; They too conceal diviner gifts. Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty - beneath its covering - that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven. The phone calls, the girl talks, the feelings thing--it's too much for me. Your expectations exhaust me. I have to do things your way and I don't know what your way is.