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Did my family work hard? Absolutely. But many people do. These stories are just a small snippet of the many unearned advantages I have had that paved the way for my financial success. Whatever that is--whether reading, working out, or just sitting and relaxing--make it a priority as much as your other responsibilities, like working, paying the bills, and taking care of family. Doing the things we love brings new and positive energy into our lives. And the more we do it, the more natural it will become. It's okay to feel stuck. This may sound counterintuitive, but it's not. Sometimes the more we resist an emotion or thought, the stronger it becomes. Feeling stuck from time to time is normal. Instead of thinking it is wrong or bad to feel stuck, allow yourself to be present in this emotion so your mental energy can go toward figuring out what changes need to be made to move forward, rather than focusing your energy on self-criticism about feeling stuck in the first place. Do something outside of your comfort zone. Living life only within our comfort zone inhibits us from growing in countless ways. Tim Ferriss told me, Technology is an excellent tool and a terrible master. When we submit to this artificial master's orders, we abandon not only our decision-making but also the spontaneity that puts the fun in physical activity. In December 2016, waterman wunderkind Kai Lenny shocked the surfing world when he pulled off an unprecedented air grab at Hawaii's Peahi break, which is so formidable that it has earned the nickname Jaws. There was no piece of fitness technology that could've conceived the maneuver, let alone given Kai the instructions to pull it off on a wave face taller than your house. Instead, he relied on the intuition he had honed during thousands of hours in the water. I didn't go into that wave thinking, `I'm going to down the line, do a giant air, grab the rail and tweak it out,' Kai told me.

It was all instinctual and in the moment. When I towed in I recognized it wasn't the biggest wave of the day and was like, Okay I'm going to fade, and then I'm going to come back. As I went into my bottom turn, I was setting up and thought, There's a good little chip shot here. Then I hit the bump and got all this projection into the air. As another example, it was easier for me to do well in college because it was paid for, along with my living expenses, by my parents, freeing me to focus on my studies. My parents kept that engraved silver spoon in a safe deposit box, giving it to me on the day of my bat mitzvah. For them, it was an assertion of their commitment to providing advantages to support my success. For me, it's a reminder of injustice, that I didn't earn my financial advantages, and the responsibility that comes with that. Incidentally, spoons are also an important metaphor in the disability community, yet with a very different meaning. Everything one needs to do throughout the day requires emotional resources, represented by a certain number of spoons. The spoons are replaced only when one rests and replenishes. If you run out of spoons, you are depleted and have nothing more to give to your day. This metaphor conveys that for some, particularly people with disabilities, energy must be rationed, and it calls attention to what it takes for them to manage and accomplish tasks. Able-bodied people are less likely to consider energy expended on ordinary tasks like showering or getting dressed. Figure out what you'd like to try but have been hesitant to act on because of fear or self-doubt. Make a conscious effort to become aware of what gives you a deep sense of joy and excitement. Meet Melody Melody couldn't stop posting selfies throughout her day. In fact, much of her time was spent around planning for, traveling for, primping for, prepping for, and posting her selfies and then assessing how well- Melody was also compulsively trying to outdo whatever her last post was.

So garnering more likes and more comments than whatever her most recent post had generated became her ultimate goal. Melody said to me in a session one day, early in our work together, Posting selfies is my life! I want to be an Instagram influencer. My parents just don't understand; I learned from kitesurfing that by overexaggerating the maneuver it gives yourself time in the air, whereas if you just stop you usually fall. I was slowly tweaking my board out more and more as it went higher, and then as it was coming down, I started to reverse that and was bringing it in. Right when I landed I let go of the rail, and then just naturally went into how I would land any trick when I'm kitesurfing. I did a little chop hump back down the wave and then kicked out. Such creativity and innovation is possible only when we allow ourselves to fully focus on a singular experience, engaging all our senses. And yet all too many of us are preventing this by enabling our fitness technology to dictate how we move, when, and for how long. Then we further remove the conditions needed for improvisation by putting ourselves in restricted indoor settings that do little to challenge or inspire. Maybe we won't ever land an air grab at Jaws, carve fresh powder down an Alaskan peak, or huck a one-hundred-foot waterfall, but we're cutting off the path to whatever our greatest athletic achievements could be by settling for tech-imposed limitations. Perhaps only a fool would attempt to urge the masses to abandon technology and return to their roots. Those who don't embrace change usually get crushed faster than a newbie surfer being swallowed by a one-hundred-foot wave. Spoon theory explains the difference between those who don't seem to have energy limits and those who do. It is not without irony that I note the contrast between the spoon metaphor in the two cultures. In my parents' culture the spoon is about unexamined privilege, signifying a celebration of wealth, a belief that it is deserved, and speaks to flagrant spending. People with disabilities don't have the luxury of not seeing their disadvantage; Something is wrong here. This is why our financial resources, health outcomes, personal care behaviors, and more need to be understood in a social context.

Chalking health up to individual responsibility clearly misses the mark. PRIVILEGE AND RESPONSIBILITY The struggle to survive in an unjust society requires one to find wellness mechanisms to maintain a commitment to self, healing, nurturance, and community. It is the duty of all of us, but especially those with power and privilege, to dismantle the systems that harm us. Especially my dad. I heard what Melody was saying. And I appreciated her dream to be an Instagram influencer. But the real issue Melody needed to address first in treatment was the fact that she needed to get a job and needed to confront her feelings around this important life transition--moving into adulthood. Regardless of whatever career she decided to pursue. Spending all her time posting selfies all day long prevented her from doing just that and from working through all the complicated feelings and emotions that are bound to come up at Melody's stage of life. Melody graduated from college a year before she'd begun working with me but still hadn't looked for a job. And moving back in with her parents, in the house she grew up in, was a hard adjustment. Melody described her mother as supportive; Melody's father, on the other hand, had not been as supportive of Melody's efforts to figure out her next step in adulthood, and this was a familiar role he played throughout her whole life. The real issue is not the technology itself but our misconception of what it can or will do for us, refusal to accept its limitations, and fixation on fitness tracking, which deadens our senses. It's time to stop, take a breath, and hit a big reset button. We need to sit up, take notice, and recognize that these tools can be either a help or a hindrance. The key to using them more safely, discriminately, and productively is to understand what we're working toward and how we can use technology to help us get there. Unfortunately, most fall into the trap of thinking that a higher score on their wearable or achieving a personal-best race time is the end goal. Then we put our full trust in our wrist-worn autopilot to get us there, not realizing that the time will come when we'll need to take the controls and fly the plane ourselves--or not acknowledging that all too often the gauges we're reading to check our progress not only are faulty but also can take us way off our intended course.

It took years of unsatisfying racing and countless injuries for me to figure this out. The same happened to Andy. He once had the opportunity to train under legendary American weight lifter Tommy Kono. As it was early in Andy's career, he was eager to extract every possible pearl of wisdom from the former Olympian. Having the tools to develop the intention and praxis of liberation requires doing the work on ourselves and actively dismantling systems we benefit from. Hunter Ashleigh Shackelford, a non-binary Black fat cultural producer, multidisciplinary artist, and community activist, shared with me some tangible ways in which non-Black people, especially white people, can show up and work to undo some of the damage that underlies our collective trauma and prevent it from going forward: We must be committed to giving property and financial resources to Black communities. Healing starts with acknowledging our legacy of contributing to and benefiting from the oppression of Black people globally. Here are some examples of worthwhile reparation efforts: donating to crowdfunding campaigns for individual Black people; It will take longer than our lifetimes to decolonize ourselves from systems of oppression that have existed for hundreds of years. But we can make a commitment to disrupt the historical trauma that gets carried from one generation to the next. This trauma consists of not just pain, but also the unconscious bias we pass on and the violence we inflict without knowing why we're doing it. The work of decolonization requires learning (and relearning) how to humanize everyone, especially those across races and those descended from the African diaspora. Here are some steps to take to begin this project: Have difficult conversations with those who look and identify like you about how to unpack the internalizations of bias and violence toward those different from you. Melody has a younger brother, whom she says is the star of the family and can do no wrong. This was especially true in her father's eyes. My brother's an amazing athlete. He's bright and takes all honors classes. And he's popular. The girls love him.