Habitual procrastination causes its sufferers to feel like they're less than other persons, and it makes them feel sad, aimless, and unfulfilled in their lives. They also feel impatient and frustrated much of the time, as though "there isn't enough time" and "they'll never be enough time" to do all the things that they need to do, yet simultaneously, don't want to deal with. Feeling helpless and hopeless for much of the time, is it any surprise if habitual procrastinators complain that they sometimes feel depressed? One procrastinator remarked that he knew he'd crossed the line one morning when his inaction had progressed to the point where he found himself unable to leave home for work. Here's how he described that event: "I disliked doing the laundry, who doesn't? I mean, can you name one person that actually likes doing laundry? Not just because it's boring, but because it just feels like a complete waste of time. I'd rather be doing other things, anything else, but the laundry. "I got to the point where I would only do the wash when I saw that I was beginning to run out of clean clothes. "Then one day, I had no clean underwear, absolutely none. I wound up bent over my hamper picking through everything, trying to find the cleanest-looking dirty item. Finding one, I gave it a good couple of shakes to air it out. I don't know if anyone at work noticed anything peculiar that day, but I was disgusted with myself." As we have already seen, people who have experienced childhood abuse, whether physical, sexual, or emotional, are going to have an increased risk of developing depression later in life. But this isn't simply due to the effect of trauma but also because of the very nature of the emotional bond that forms between parents and their children during the first few years of life. Psychologists have long known that children raised in impersonal institutions such as orphanages are at a much higher risk of developing mental health problems. According to psychiatrist John Bowlby and other researchers, children are born with a biological need to form strong attachments as a way of surviving. The first attachment children develop is toward their mother (or some other primary caregiver) who supplies all their biological needs during infancy and early childhood. According to attachment theory, there is a critical period between infancy and the age of five when a strong attachment needs to form to allow for healthy emotional development. If that attachment fails to form or is disrupted for any reason, children will develop behavioral and emotional problems that will get even worse with time. As part of her own research with children, psychologist Mary Ainsworth identified four attachment styles that can result from how children interact with parents during those first few years: Secure attachment.

This is the attachment style most likely to lead to healthy emotional development as children become adults. They also represent the majority of the children Ainsworth studied. These are the children who are confident in their relationship with an attachment figure (usually the mother) who is sensitive to their needs. Because of this secure attachment, children are less afraid and more curious about the world around them. Later, I discovered that Intel had experimented with a similar do-not-disturb sign on the door' model: Tuesday-morning quiet time. <a href='http://ww2.darumaotosi.com/Simple-to-understand-301-redirects-will-convey-information-more-easily-1568355003.html'>On</a> two US sites, three hundred engineers and managers agreed to minimize interruptions on Tuesday mornings. <a href='http://ww2.donburako.com/This-story-about-rankings-will-haunt-you-forever-1568356803.html'>No</a> meetings were scheduled, phone calls went to voicemail, emails and IM were shut down. <a href='https://css-tricks.com/forums/users/basic0908/'>The</a> aim was to ensure four hours ofthinking time' - and to measure the effect this had. The pilot lasted seven months, 71 per cent of the participants recommended extending it to other departments and Intel found that the trial had been `successful in improving employee effectiveness, efficiency and quality of life for numerous employees in diverse job roles'. Like Intel, I found having uninterrupted time useful and productive but, like the Happiness Research Institute, your workplace might need a different modification again. For some people, no-talk Thursdays or quiet Tuesday mornings are similar in concept to working from home. No meetings, no interruptions. In Denmark, there is a high level of autonomy and flexibility in the workplace and people are often allowed to carry out a proportion of their work at home. This is part of the reason why 94 per cent of Danes say they are happy with their working conditions, at least according to the Eurobarometer, which has been measuring public opinion on behalf of the European Commission since 1973. However, I think a bigger reason for this happiness is that 58 per cent of Danes (according to YouGov) say they would continue to work even if they no longer had to for financial reasons - say, if they won 10 million kroner in the lottery. Work can - and should - be a source of happiness; and the proper design and functioning of the workplace can push more of us closer to this. And one part of this proper design is to provide people with an element of freedom: free time without interruptions. This may also entail not showing up at the office. Needing validation, approval, and attention communicates, "I'm weak, unhappy, and I need other people's opinions to make me feel better about myself." It sends out negative energy that makes everyone who encounters it feel uneasy and uncomfortable. People aren't bending over backwards to be your friend and they're, more than likely, avoiding you because you're difficult to be around.

Those who get the most attention, approval, and validation are the ones who don't need it, don't really care for it, and don't look for it. They're happy with themselves. They're giving themselves attention. They're giving themselves approval. They're validating their own thoughts, emotions, behavior, and habits. They're letting their own opinion validate who they are. Logically, it doesn't really make sense to not care about the attention, approval, and validation of others but once you think about the negative energy communicated when seeking validation, approval, and attention, you can easily see how its presence far outweighs its absence. You're more likely to get validation, approval, and attention when you're not looking for it because you're only sending out positive energy and everyone responds positively to your positive energy by liking you more and, voluntarily, giving you validation, approval, and attention. When it's obvious you're desperate for everyone to like and approve of you, they feel the desperate, needy, and clingy energy and, as a natural reaction, associate it with YOU. It's not that they don't like YOU, it's that they don't like the negative vibes and energy you're constantly putting out. Only seek attention, approval, and validation from yourself and constantly improve yourself so you remain happy and content. When he was due for discharge from the hospital, I offered to see him as an outpatient in one of my clinics. I had patients throughout the county and rode a circuit regularly from the southern town of Houlton to various French border towns such as Fort Kent and Madawaska. Mostly I saw people in consultation or to prescribe medications, working with psychologists and social workers who provided the ongoing therapy. This type of team care has only become more necessary to meet the needs of people with substance use and mental disorders in this country, especially in rural and underserved communities. Tom came to see me four or five times as an outpatient in the year that followed. He would make an appointment and then, usually, either not show up or call to cancel. When he came, it was always with family. I tried to understand what he wanted and what stood in his way, a practical version of therapy, but in retrospect I think I had an inadequate understanding of his dilemma. I did not fully appreciate how family and community were his psychological oxygen, and that he could not emotionally breathe without them.

I never visited him on the reservation, which I regret. I did not understand that when he did not come to me, I needed to go to him. I did not work with him and his family in a way that recognized that they were one entity, one living organism, which could not bear separation. I had a lot to learn--not that I'm now finished. Over the year or so I was his doctor, Tom would work some, stay sober, and then start drinking again. When he was drinking, he was most at ease with himself and his community. He was part of them. He was safe. I see that now. He did not have to try to scale the emotional wall of guilt and disloyalty he felt in leaving, no matter how noble or idealized the pursuit seemed to be to his family and friends. Nor did he have to feel the insecure attachment, the separation anxiety that emerged when he was apart from his family and community. By staying and living the life of the reservation, with its intensely intertwined families and the bonding that drinking among the men provided, he could satisfy his needs, every day, even at what would be so great a cost. Although the butt of jokes from time immemorial, the life of a long-term procrastinator is filled with self-disgust and suffering over lost opportunities. Although I am not a medical doctor, I have lived the life of a long-term habitual procrastinator and from what I've discovered in bringing this book to fruition--I think it's fair to say, "Show me a habitual procrastinator, and I'll show you a person who probably suffers from depression." Imagine a person who only takes care of his responsibilities when he's forced to. Although he has sufficient funds in his checking account, he doesn't pay his bills until further delay would mean incurring financial penalties, the loss of his electricity, telephone, or cable television, and the possibility that his credit rating could be affected. Try to picture this person in your mind. How would he describe himself to someone else? Do you think he would call himself a "take-charge" individual? Do you think he would be in good spirits, or might he feel low? What would he look like?

Would he look cheerful and in control, or might he cast his head down--as though perpetually gazing at his shoes? I know how habitual procrastination caused me to behave and to feel. I seemed capable of doing anything I put my mind to, so long as it was in the pursuit of avoiding my tasks. In order to avoid reality, I would "do" practically anything--except deal with whatever task really needed my attention. So, the things I wound up "do"-ing were the things that didn't matter in the long-term--like watching television or oversleeping. Meanwhile, the fewer tasks I dealt with, the larger my "to-do" list grew. Insecure avoidant. In some children, lacking a normal attachment can result in a more independent attachment style including reduced stranger anxiety and lack of distress when the mother/caregiver leaves. This attachment style often results from a caregiver who is emotionally distant and who does not attend to the child's needs. Insecure resistant/ambivalent. Due to inconsistent care during the first few years of life, children may become more clingy but also reject the caregiver when they attempt to interact with them. Also, these children have no sense of security from their caregiver and can be difficult to soothe as a result. Fearful avoidant. Children who have experienced significant trauma early in life may develop an inability to trust others and avoid any kind of emotional closeness. Not only do they avoid emotional attachments, but they may also feel they are unworthy. Try out initiatives like Tuesday-morning quiet time which may improve your sense of freedom at work. Start a conversation at work about the ways in which flexibility and autonomy might improve employee satisfaction and productivity. Could you or your boss introduce concepts like quiet Tuesday mornings - carve out two or three hours every Tuesday morning in which no meetings are scheduled, no phone calls made or emails sent? Convince them to have a trial period of a month or two, and then evaluate it in terms of employee satisfaction and productivity. Or you could suggest work-from-home Wednesdays.