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By inviting them to call me Lindo, I invited them to recognize me for who I am. I invited them to truly know me. To be known, accepted, and loved for who we truly are is what we all want. We all want to be seen, named, and welcomed as is--in a kayak, around the kitchen table, at our jobs, on the streets, in our families, and everywhere else in the world. The world doesn't have to be perfect for us to do this and experience this right now. Though the wider world is unsafe, we can create tiny worlds within it. We can grow our resilience and eventually widen those safe harbors until we make a world in which everyone matters and everyone is welcome. We won't see the full results of our efforts in our own lifetimes. You are a colleague from whom I learned a lot and a dear friend, and because of your insistence, I wrote this article. For over six years, women came to group; I witnessed raw emotion, incredible courage, and triumphant transformation, and I will always carry the experiences of shared tears, laughter, touch, and love. I cherish our time together and hold you all forever in my heart. Since then I have been blessed to meet with partners attending the Intimate Treason workshop at Rio Retreat Center at The Meadows. From all, I continue to learn about the trauma of sexual betrayal, the pain, and the recovery. Thanks to all the women and men, named and unnamed, who shared their stories for this article and trusted me to honor the lives of others through your experiences. Your contributions are inspiring. I would like to recognize my wonderful group of women friends and my sister, Jana. I have needed you and each one of you has been with me in spirit wherever my personal and professional journey has taken me. By burying our head in the virtual sand, we're failing to tackle those work problems, heal a broken relationship, or confront whatever's been haunting us all these years. So we beat our bodies into submission, suppress our feelings, and tell ourselves that if we can just qualify for an Ironman, beat our PR, or reach some other milestone, everything will be alright.

If this sounds familiar, you need to take off your wearable and your running shoes and pick up the phone to call a friend or family member who can help you take the first step toward shedding that baggage you're carrying. Rest and Recovery As important as slowing down is, it's not enough. We need real downtime: periods when we can let our bodies rest and recover without the stimulation of social media and the artificial light of our screens. We need high-quality, rejuvenating sleep and a lifestyle that suits our natural chronotype, whether we like to be up with the sun and asleep before ten or prefer to wake up late and stay up late. Letting our bodies and minds rest and recuperate is as important as giving them a workout. Is Your Downtime Keeping You Up? Read virtually any health or fitness magazine and you're likely to come across a story on the perils of overtraining. Yet we still have to strive to develop the personal resilience and public collectives that will let us live beautifully in the world right now, as it is, as freely as humanly possible. The solution is not found in the end point. It's in coming together in the collective struggle. We don't do it to win. We do it because it's right. We do it to embrace our common humanity. We strive, unapologetically, if imperfectly, to do the right thing, and over time that right thing will become normal and the world will become more welcoming for more of us--maybe even all of us. In the meantime, we create intentional, welcoming communities of love and radical belonging. Let's make it so. You belong in your body, you belong in this world, and we belong together. While there are many fine leaders within the field of addictions and sex addiction, I would like to acknowledge the pioneering work of Patrick Carnes and Jennifer Schneider who wrote the seminal articles about the issues of sex addiction, sex addicts and their partners, and offered a foundational framework for work in this field; Today there is a much stronger understanding among therapists that the partner is as deserving of resources as the person who is acting out sexually.

Thanks to my longtime assistant, Sandi Klein, who was there for the first edition and now the second. Jeri Nilson, your conceptual feedback was invaluable. You asked tough questions and prompted me for more. You embraced the stories of the female partners in a manner that allows this article to speak to even greater numbers of women. Jean Collins, Maureen Canning, and Maria C. A special thank you to Cara Tripodi, coauthor of Intimate Treason, as we took that clinical step of recognizing the traumatic stress endured by partners. And thank you Central Recovery Press for valuing the need for materials to embrace the partners' experience. Lastly, I lovingly acknowledge Jack Fahey, my husband of thirty-nine years. Sure, some of us are putting in way too many miles or lifting far too many pounds to let our bodies bounce back. But more often, we're not really overtraining at all but underrecovering. A big part of this issue is our evening routine. We believe that plopping down on the couch at night after a long, tiring day is in some way relaxing. In fact, doing so has a couple of problems. The first is that it's compounding all those hours of sitting that we've already racked up and, if we exercised on the way home, undoing some of the gains that activity may have provided. The second issue, which many people are unaware of, is that watching television, checking social-media feeds, and responding to yet more e-mails is actually making us more anxious because we're being stimulated by what Dave Asprey calls junk light. This suppresses production of melatonin, which the body needs to tell it to wind down and go to sleep. We're also flitting between multiple things when we're on our tablets, phones, or laptops, reinforcing our continuous partial attention issues and creating a sense of unease at the very time we need to feel comforted and reassured. A better use of our time would be to forgo the screens for a change and dive into a good article. EDUCATIONAL TOOLS MANIFESTO FOR BODY LIBERATION

We all deserve the right to inhabit our bodies with dignity and respect. This manifesto points the way. CRITICAL AWARENESS EXERCISE This exercise can help you (and groups) explore your identities and how systems of power privilege or disadvantage you. It can also help you strengthen your cultural humility. SEX, GENDER, AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION: A PRIMER AND GLOSSARY This primer can help you get up to speed on language and definitions. TOOLS TO SMASH THE GENDER BINARY Jack was passionate about everyone's recovery. The release of this second edition of Deceived marks the second anniversary of his passing. Jack always believed in me and my work. He will forever be my greatest champion. To all who pick up this article, I hope you find a path that leads to greater happiness. You Are Not Alone How could he? Doesn't he love me? What should I do? How can I keep this secret without going crazy? Reading is far more immersive than a movie or TV show and demands much greater attention than our scattered, fragmented tech-based tasks. Assuming you're sticking with hardcovers and paperbacks instead of e-articles, you'll eliminate the blue light issue.

You could also add in some mobility exercises, which relieve aches and pains, improve blood flow, and even, in the case of abdominal massage / gut smashing, stimulate the vagus nerve to encourage your autonomic nervous system to transition into parasympathetic recovery (see mobilitywod. Bad Sleep Is No Badge of Courage Remember that episode of Seinfeld in which Kramer unsuccessfully tried polyphasic sleep--sleeping for multiple short periods over the course of a day--and ended up in the Hudson River trapped in a sack? This is an amusing but telling example of what happens when we don't get adequate high-quality rest. While many types of technology can make our sleep issues worse, we can put a wearable to good use in helping us quantify and qualify our slumber. Though not many studies have been conducted on the accuracy of wrist-worn devices' ability to appraise our sleep, their data collection is likely good enough to make them worth trying for this purpose. The old-school practice of using sleep logs worked for some, but all too often we'd either forget to write down our totals, exaggerate how long we'd slept, or confuse the time that we went to bed with when we drifted off. Sleep logging also tricked us into believing that as long as we got eight hours each night, we'd leap out of bed feeling refreshed in the morning, no matter what had transpired the day before. Educate yourself and others with these handouts: Guidelines for Setting an All-Gender Inclusive Tone at Meetings and Events Nametags That Incorporate Respectful Pronoun Practices Restrooms for All These tools are freely distributable and downloadable at lindobacon. MANIFESTO FOR BODY LIBERATION It also includes the right to choose an appropriate bathroom. It also means the right to housing and employment that cannot legally discriminate against sexual orientation and gender identity and the ability to donate blood to those in need. It means ending governmental and employer policies aiming to create incentives for losing weight or defining parental neglect standards that are related to children's weight. It also means repealing laws mandating that schools weigh students on a regular basis and send reports to their parents along with dietary and exercise recommendations. Get on any social media site, watch prime time TV, the latest movie, or listen to today's music and you will be bombarded by themes of sex, intimacy, commitment, and betrayal. While being single is portrayed as fun and exciting, the world of coupleship is assumed to be most people's ultimate goal.