Self-nurturing tools help us meet and move through this challenge. In this article, we want to flip your (mis)perceptions on self-nurturing and self-care, and we're going to show you some of the most common and beneficial daily activities and lifestyle changes that you can make right now. We're talking about adopting creativity and the arts, finding a trusted community, discovering a spiritual connection, and shifting how we talk to ourselves. But there is so much more that you can do. In fact, many of the practices we have already introduced are also powerful self-nurturing activities--eating healthy, spending time in nature, moving your body, meditating. Then, what others think of her loses importance. The third step is to help your child understand why she was singled out in the first place. It might be out of jealousy, it might be out of fear, or it might be out of ignorance. If your child knows why she became a target, she has the ammunition to counter. And the most powerful ammunition anyone can counter with is love; If your child is ridiculed because of a physical handicap, the kindest and most loving gift you can give her is your willingness to accept her as she is. This is what enables her to accept herself as she is. As she accepts herself as she is, she encourages acceptance in her peers. The sooner she can laugh at her handicap, the sooner she frees others to laugh alongside her. A person who freely admits to the humor of her physical presentation finds fans, not fanatics. LOOK FOR A SECURE PARTNER Despite what Vivian had said about giving up, in the months following our conversation, she made an effort to approaching dating differently. She started looking for secure partners. It took time. She'd go out with someone new and complain that they were boring.

When I dug deeper, I discovered this usually meant the person was being nice to her. For example, she told a guy with whom she'd been on two dates that she was visiting Seattle the next weekend. He then sent her a list of restaurant recommendations. When she told me that story, she ended by saying: And that's why I never want to see him again. Wait, what? The same goes with finding a therapy and therapist to work with. Every act that you take to help yourself recover and build your resiliency is an act of self-nurturing. Self-nurturing isn't something anyone can give to us; We hope you are inspired to go on this adventure to learn about yourself, to find whatever hidden pieces may be out there, and to ultimately build the bridge back to yourself. When you learn what lights you up, calms your racing mind and heart, and heals and supports you, then you can consciously arrange your life, lifestyle, and the people in it around what makes you feel alive. Practicing self-nurturing doesn't mean you have to overhaul your life ASAP. It's making one small adjustment to your daily routine--that's all you need to do. Pick the self-nurturing practice that interests you the most--start there and see how you feel after a week or two. In the end, it doesn't matter what you do; When you begin caring for yourself, you help to break the trauma chain gripping your family, community, and world. Who do you appreciate in the entertainment business? Isn't it those who can laugh at themselves; On the other hand, if you take sides, involve the teachers, call the parents, and make a big stink, you don't help your child find acceptance. You add flame to the fire. Your child is trying to find her place in the world.

She doesn't want to upset the teachers, her classmates, or other parents. And she certainly isn't searching for obligatory courtesy out of a fear of retribution. If you encourage her to seek revenge, you set her up to receive more of the same--and round and round it goes. Even worse, she hasn't gained any skills for dealing with future challenges. If your youngster led the crusade against another, she faces the same demon. He clearly likes me way too much. It's pathetic. I did my best to help her see the situation differently. This guy was trying to be helpful because he liked her. It was a secure act and not a pathetic one. We worked on helping her break that anxious-avoidant loop. If you relate to Vivian's story, and believe that you're anxiously attached, that's your homework, too. Now, I'm not suggesting that everyone you find boring is secretly secure. They might actually be boring. But it's time to stop pursuing the chase. Trauma is contagious, spreading throughout generations and hitting everyone you come into contact with. But self-nurturing is also contagious. When you take care of yourself, you become very conscious about what's healthy and supportive versus what isn't. And it affects everyone within your circle. You become mindful and deliberate about what you choose to do with your life, the environments you put yourself in, and the people you allow into your circles.

All the life-supporting, self-affirming decisions you're making will get passed down to your children and grandchildren. You become the teacher for them that you never had. You can break the chain of pain. Not just for your family, but for your friends, employees, boss, and everyone you come into contact with every day. Just think for a second what could happen if more people like you took this journey? Am I okay the way I am? If she thinks that making another feel less okay is the way she makes herself feel more okay, she won't listen to any lecturing from you. She sees her peers as deserving of courtesy when she sees herself as deserving of courtesy. Do you treat her the way you treat your very dearest friends? If not, why is she less deserving of your kindness? Take this adorable God into your arms and tell her how much you love her. Praise her tender side. Demonstrate your appreciation of her presence in your life. Your home is a breeding ground of behavior. Your child is watching you and scrutinizing your attitudes. That was the challenge I gave Vivian: Try to date secure partners. The ones who text when they say they will. Who let you know what's on their mind. Who don't play games and avoid or even de-escalate drama. The same goes for you, my avoidantly attached readers.

Find yourself a secure partner! LEARN TO SELF-REGULATE At the same time, you can work to become more secure yourself. Attachment styles are relatively stable over your lifetime, although about a quarter of people change their attachment style over a four-year period. It takes effort, but you can shift your attachment style. What would the world look like? What would we build and create if we resolved our pain and regularly practiced self-nurturing? The possibilities for your life and the world we're co-creating right now are endless. But they'll never be born into reality unless each of us is willing to find the hidden parts of ourselves, to make ourselves whole once more, through the art of self-nurturing. As you explore self-nurturing, may you feel empowered and excited for this stage of your journey. May you feel inspired to build the bridge back to yourself, and may you feel curious about who you'll meet on the other side. We talked about how you can use expressive art therapies to help resolve your trauma. The good news is that you can use them all the time by adding them into your daily (or at least regular) self-nurturing routine. You have a lot of choices on the medium you can use. Painting, drawing, sculpting, making collages, writing, dancing, playing, and listening to music are only a few. How do you handle abuse from another? Do you forgive quickly and move on, or do you complain for days about the dirty rotten lout who did you in? How do you react when you are teased? Do you look at yourself and laugh? Or do you try to avenge yourself and stab the attacker back?