Also, by imitating the examples provided by the therapist and other group members, they can learn to understand themselves better and develop real alternatives that can make coping easier. Over the past ten years, I have been working tirelessly to reclaim authority over my mental, emotional, and physical health. The road I've traveled has been a long one as I transformed my life through self-care. It started with an important first step. I became the authority of my life. What do I mean by this? You have probably figured out by now that I like clarity in language. It puts us on the same page so we can work together to achieve goals. So let's take a look at the word "authority." The word has two meanings. The first is to be an expert on something, as in "She is an authority on eighteenth-century quilting techniques" or "He is an authority on the music of Bruce Springsteen." Usually being an authority relates to a specific skill or knowledge set. Can you imagine anything more important than becoming an authority on your own life? To understand what makes your body feel best or how to find a serene place when you are agitated? To have thoughtful knowledge of your past and present so you can move forward into the future? To know what you need to keep yourself healthy mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually? What could possibly be more deserving of your efforts? The other meaning of "authority" is the power to command thought, opinion, or behavior, as in "the president has authority in the United States" or "my mom was the authority in our home." This definition is equally relevant to transforming your life through self-care, because it means that you have the power to command your thoughts and behavior. You can act on what you think and what you do. You can take back your power--your authority--from things and people you have given it away to. You may have given away that power to a bad relationship or job. You may have given it away to doctors, without questioning and learning about your own body.

You may have given it away to satisfying your cravings for foods and drink that have been harmful to you. So if positive thinking is the most helpful, beneficial way to think, why do we think in negative ways? Let's start by trying to understand this. Negative ways of thinking are an aspect of emotions such as fear, worry, anxiety, disappointment, guilt, shame, regret, resentment and jealousy. Often, these emotions include thoughts such as I can't do that',I'm scared', It's not fair',I'm such an idiot', It's his fault',It's her fault', Nothing ever goes right for me' andI wish I hadn't done that.' We usually think of emotions like fear, worry, disappointment etc. as negative emotions'. <a href=''>Why?</a> <a href=''>Because</a> they make us feel bad. <a href=''>And</a> yet, these emotions, like all other emotions, do actually have a positive intent. <a href=''>Take,</a> for example, the emotion of guilt. <a href=''>Typically,</a> the thoughts that accompany guilt areI've screwed up, I shouldn't have done that, it's my fault. I feel bad about what I did.' How can this way of thinking be positive? Well, the positive intent of guilt is to prompt you to recognize your wrongdoing and then to think about and take action to put right or make up for what you did wrong. If, though, when you feel guilty you simply wallow in your guilt, beat yourself up about what you did wrong or try and suppress or deny how you feel, then your thoughts and actions (or lack of action) remain negative. Those thoughts and actions or inactions do you no good whatsoever. Never be afraid to admit when you don't know something. Don't be afraid to go to a library and research it. Don't be afraid to get on Google and find the answers. Don't be afraid to ask others. Before the internet, I was always at the library because there was always something my mother wanted to learn and know.

She'd have a legal pad and we'd be there for hours while she read books and took notes. If it was too much to learn in one sitting, she'd check the books out, bring them home, and learn all she could. I am truly blessed to have been able to witness such a beautiful thing because most kids aren't fortunate enough to learn such a powerful lesson at an early age. If they don't know it, they don't have the awareness to seek it out. It's better to say, I'm dumb and I don't know this thing than to say, I'm smart and there's not much I don't already know. Saying you're dumb isn't putting yourself down - it's communicating self-awareness and wisdom. Saying you're smart and know a lot is putting yourself down because it communicates ignorance. Who do you think gets hired more often? The person who says, I'm willing to learn or the person who says, I don't need any training? No one wants a know it all working for them because they're dangerous and less effective. Find mentors. Find coaches. Find consultants. Find guides. Find people who been there, done that, they're still doing it, and they're willing to teach you everything they know. Absorb everything they're willing to share and give. Follow those who are doing what you want to do. Learn their thinking, emotional, and behavior habits. Learn how they operate. Learn why they do what they do.

Learn their secrets. There are models and templates everywhere around you, all you have to do is be wise enough to recognize them and use them. You can now avoid distractions, because you have a logical path that you can stick to. list. You're training yourself to follow self-directed instructions. Besides learning how to focus on just one task until its completion, you also have an opportunity to discover the positive feelings of satisfaction that accomplishments deliver and to feel your self-esteem climb. You not only become a productive person, but at the end of each day you have a written record of your achievements. Drawing a line through a completed task has another benefit for us, because as habitual procrastinators, instead of being proud of our achievements, we often discount our efforts by second-guessing ourselves as to how much we've really gotten done. This is part of our all-or-nothing thinking. We habitual procrastinators aren't only good at finding excuses for not "do"-ing, we're also good at finding excuses for why our results weren't good enough, which is part of our tendency to be perfectionists. But now, by having a written record of our accomplishments, we can see a much more accurate picture of what we've accomplished, and feel satisfied with our efforts, achievements, and personal growth. Lastly, the average habitual procrastinator has had a long history of suffering from task-related anxiety and as mentioned earlier in this book, they often don't feel good after having completed a task. Instead, the best some feel is a sense of relief that the task is finally over; however, that's often followed by a feeling of dread concerning what their next unpleasant task will be, and how they can avoid it. list to witness the undeniable proof that they're now dealing with tasks they formerly would have automatically put off. It seems almost inevitable that parents blame themselves whenever one of their children develops a mood disorder. Not only do they wonder if their parenting was somehow responsible for it but they may also feel guilty over missing warning signs that might have alerted them sooner that something was wrong. Unfortunately, many parents may choose to ignore these symptoms for as long as possible in the hope that their child might "snap out of it." But depression doesn't go away if it is ignored. For any parent who wants to find the right help for a depressed child, the first step is always to recognize that something is wrong and become willing to take action. This means accepting a child's mood problems as a challenge that needs to be overcome. It also means educating themselves about depression, its causes, and possible treatment options.

Just as importantly, they need to be realistic about any expectations they might have about how quickly a treatment will work. Overcoming depression isn't something that can happen overnight, and parents need to work together with their child's therapist to ensure the best possible care. Parents also need to set clear boundaries for their depressed child, but again, these have to be reasonable boundaries. This includes a willingness to get tough whenever their child acts out in any way and laying down ground rules that even depressed children should be expected to follow. Injecting a sense of structure into a child's life can teach them to monitor their own behavior. Since people who are depressed often feel moody and unloved, making certain that they know that their parents care about them can be an essential part of providing the right kind of support. This includes avoiding blanket statements such as "I know how you feel" (chances are, you don't). Be prepared to sit down with them and simply listen to what they have to say. Here's the good news: Even if you have given away your authority and let other people and situations become the expert on you, you can get that authority back. Even if you have let others command your thoughts and behavior, you can get that authority back. Becoming an authority on your life is an ongoing process. You learn, make mistakes, recalibrate, and keep going. But it starts with acknowledging your role--that you are the authority, not anyone else. The Formula for Becoming an Authority While on my self-care journey, I discovered an important formula that I would like to share with you: Fierce Determination + Laser-Focused Actions + Bottomless Discipline = Deep Beauty + Inner Worth There's nothing more powerful than having a made-up mind and then going for your goal every single day with intensely focused actions and bottomless discipline. It will give you the knowledge and confidence required to be an authority on your life. And this formula will allow you to not only tap into your deep beauty and inner worth but also replenish it. Here's an important thing I want you to keep in mind right now and as you move into your new future: You cannot let the well of your deep beauty and inner worth dry up. By understanding that you are the source of your deep beauty and inner worth, and then constantly taking action to keep that well filled with clean, fresh, and life-giving substance, you will transform your life permanently. The positive intentions of `negative' emotions act in the same way as the positive intention of physical pain. If, for example, you touch something really hot, the pain makes you pull away.