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Buying stuff in excess is not practical because I don't have enough space. Plus, I like to train myself to resist things to improve my self-discipline. Remember: Money is a replaceable resource. When you're out of it, you can earn it back. You can't say the same for time. Don't spend too much time thinking about money. Most of us can easily reveal minor worries or anxieties. Maybe you're familiar with worries such as, "I'm nervous about this interview," or "I have to lose five pounds before we go to the beach." Yet a true anxiety disorder is much more burdensome. There are many types of anxiety disorders, but there are two that are important to discuss. One that shares a primary feature with perfectly hidden depression--worry--is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). People with severe generalized anxiety disorder can complain frequently of being able to visualize traumatic things happening. They may actually feel as if these visions are accurately predicting violence--that immense danger is not just a potential but a reality. It's as if they're watching a video that they don't know how to shut off. This very difficult problem is not part of the perfectly hidden depression syndrome. Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by excessive anxiety or worry that occurs for more days than not for at least six months about a number of events or activities. According to the DSM-5 (American Psychiatric Association 2013) it is also characterized by difficulty controlling the worry. In essence, emotional intelligence can be traced back to the roots of humanity. The human fossil record shows that our prehistoric ancestors buried personal artifacts along with their lost loved ones, which is strong evidence that compassion and empathy existed at the dawn of mankind. Indeed, every interaction most of us have with other human beings, from simply saying hello to trying to negotiate a billion-dollar merger, relies on the skills that come from understanding how human emotions operate and function. The effect has been a fundamental part of the human condition human for eons.

However, the study of emotional intelligence in an academic setting is a much newer phenomenon. In a practical sense, the science of understanding emotions has been a part of psychology for decades, but the study of emotional intelligence did not formally find its name until 1990. Spearheaded by researchers Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, the idea of labeling and monitoring emotions as a way of managing one's self and relating to other people has since evolved into a variety of models, stances, and ideas. These theories seek to identify the importance of learning how to use emotions effectively in order to accomplish positive expectations. This doesn't make sense at first sight, but when you think too hard, you often come up with bad ideas. That's because you can't actively think your way out of everything. We've all had good ideas while taking a shower. That's because we're not actively thinking. It's good to let your attention wander and stop thinking. This is also a part of controlling your mind. You have the ability to decide when you want to let go of your thoughts. Similar to relaxing your muscles when you lay on the couch after a tough day, you can let loose of your thoughts. You can do that in many different ways. Some like to take a yoga class. Others prefer to meditate every day. The medium doesn't matter. I've learned that there are many ways to relax. However, only one thing is critical: You don't need anything to relax but yourself. You don't need yoga, exercise, meditation, music, scents, or whatever it is you think you need.

Let go of everything. You can escape your outside world and go inside your mind to find peace. If you can't do that right now, train yourself. Become aware of your thoughts, observe them, and let them go. That's the whole process. You can do that anytime, anyplace. You don't need a different scenery or class to do those things. Let go and relax. And do it as often as you think is necessary. You'll find that the moments you're not thinking are just as important as the times you are actively thinking. Please again take a quick look at the symptoms of GAD. In perfectly hidden depression, you hide your anxiety as best you can and look as if you're coping very well. As Lacey put it, "I might be worried, but I'd look to others as if I had things in the bag." Someone with generalized anxiety disorder can't hide their anxiety from the world; they're known as worriers or may constantly advise their children of danger. Worry invades their thinking to the point that they often struggle to function and may even isolate themselves from the world. We've also talked before about the likelihood that someone who experiences perfectly hidden depression may also have traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), another type of anxiety disorder. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterized by the presence of obsessions, compulsions, or both. The obsessions or compulsions are time-consuming (i.e., take more than one hour per day) or cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. The genesis of the concept of emotional intelligence can be traced to the 1920s and a psychologist named Edward Thorndike. A skilled and socially aware scientist, Thorndike introduced the notion of social intelligence, describing it as "the ability to understand and manage men and women, boys and girls---to act wisely in human relations." Thorndike's theories were unformed, and it would take decades before his ideas were developed by others. In the 1940s, psychologist David Wechsler identified "non-intellective" elements like personal, social, and emotional interactions when describing "the aggregate or global capacity of the individual to act purposefully, to think rationally, and to deal effectively with his environment" (Wechsler).

While fairly basic in concept, both Thorndike and Wechsler were early pioneers in one of the most fertile subjects in psychology: that working with emotions and expectations can be at the root of human success. It was many years before their rudimentary ideas came to fruition as actual, well-researched theories. Nevertheless, the field of humanistic psychology grew in part out of the need to understand human existence in its totality. I've grown to hate conventional thinking. Not because I want to be different but because conventional thinking gives you conventional results. I don't like that. And if you liked conventional results, you wouldn't be reading this book. Let's examine decision making for a second. The most conventional method for decision making is to create a pros and cons list. Benjamin Franklin is the first who documented this method. He wrote about it to his friend, Joseph Priestley, in a letter to him in 1772. And today, we create these lists all the time. Even though I like the simplicity of this method, I stopped using it after one of my friends recommended me to create one of these lists when my first relationship hit a rough patch. I actually made a pros and cons list for breaking up with my then-girlfriend! When I think about it now, I'm ashamed. And it didn't even make any sense because there are always factors that, by themselves, outweigh all of the other factors. Nearly all pros and cons lists for relationships are the same. As defined by the DSM-5 (American Psychiatric Association 2013), obsessions are recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or images that are experienced as intrusive and unwanted, and, in most individuals, cause marked anxiety or distress. Those with OCD attempt to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion). Compulsions are repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, silently repeating words) that the individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly.

The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing anxiety or distress, or preventing some dreaded event or situation. However, they're not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent, or they are clearly excessive. Suppose you're enjoying a baseball game when, two thousand miles away, your elderly parent drops dead at home of a sudden heart attack. You'd be wrongly internalizing that event if you said, "Oh, if only I had been there, Dad might still be alive. I blame myself for what happened." Excuse me? A few seconds' logical reflection should tell you that that death was certainly not under your control. Yet I hear people say this kind of thing all the time and so do you. This is negative internalizing behavior. People blame themselves for accidents their children might have on a playground. At the extreme, unstable people we often label as psychotic might even blame wars on themselves. They take on the whole world's problems as their fault. We recognize the fallacy of that extreme thinking, but are often guilty of the same and only slightly less bizarre type thinking. People's tendency to fall into this negative internal attribution is a weakness that lawyers sometimes exploit. How many times have you heard some lawyer make the claim that you and I and all of society are responsible for the way the young murderer has turned out in life? It's not his fault; it's yours--so take ownership of it. Teenagers use the same gimmick when they try to make their parents feel guilty because they don't have as good a car or dress as their friends. Mom or Dad, you must be to blame. When we appreciate the notion that all people and experiences come to us as divine lessons, we can train our minds to befriend personal challenges as opportunities for growth. Mindfulness meditation and mindful living practices help us to deal better with stress and frustration through cultivating inner balance and grace. From a calmer and more grounded position, we are able to access a sparkling solution for every `problem', attuning ourselves to a higher intelligence that is always at play, guiding us to higher ground even if in seemingly circuitous ways.