If you don't, you'll waste precious energy feeling bad about what's not changing instead of nurturing what is. As you work on these goal-setting and problem-solving strategies, remember what is most important to you. Breaking down your ultimate goals into doable goals and solvable problems allows you to take change one step at a time, in order of priority. A teenager's messy room and piercings won't bother her parents as much if they view them as separate and lesser problems from the pot smoking, rather than lumping them all together as one big mess. As they target the pot use, the room can stay messy and the piercings can stay in, and they don't have to feel like they are signs of everything that's wrong. Meanwhile, keeping one eye trained on the greater goal can help you shrug off setbacks you encounter along the way. If you rank getting treatment as the most important thing your loved one can do for now, his moodiness in the early stages of abstinence will be easier to ignore. Is anyone's guess with: Scorpio and Capricorn Suns because it won't leave well enough alone. Sometimes this pushes them to ask questions that need to be asked, and sometimes this exacerbates things. Opposes: Sagittarius Suns. You see other people as duplicitous, sneaky, and looking to pull a fast one. When Mars is opposite your Sun sign, you don't connect to its energy naturally, which means you will always find yourself in challenging situations where you have to assert yourself until you do. The best way to assert yourself is to call them out on it. No one's saying you have to sound the alarm, but letting them know that you know what they're up to gets them to stop in their tracks and even wins their respect. MARS IN CANCER The first words out of your mouth are almost always I can't. You're so convinced that you're not good enough, that you'll be rejected, or that you haven't a snowball's chance in hell that you'd rather not try. Later you can talk to them about what both of you have learned and how you can work towards your goals together. Fear of Success Fear is an irrational psychological response which you learned from parental figures or friends during childhood.

How they reacted towards something, what they said and did and the emotion that accompanied their behavior influenced and conditioned you to behave in the same way later on. Fear is a powerful emotion and people who suffer from the fear of success are kept from achieving what they want most. It is much like the fear of failure and very few people realize that they suffer from the fear of success. Although this fear might not make sense to a lot of people, it is very real for those who suffer from it. If you look deeper into it, it seems that it is almost natural for people to fear success when they're opposed to changing their lives. They are comfortable with the way things are because they know how to handle everything despite hating it. Because they fear they might not be able to handle the fame, responsibilities, wealth or attention that accompanies success, they'd rather stick to the status quo they feel safe in. In any case, the very act of prioritizing goals and problem solving usually helps people feel more in control of their lives. Indeed, when you choose what to care about and what to work on, you are more in control. Exercise: Goal Setting This strategy is standard in behavioral treatments, and it has been proven in the context of CRAFT studies to help family members. Choose an area from your Relationship Happiness Scale and follow these guidelines to define a doable goal. Make your goal: Brief and simple. Positive--that is, put it in terms of what you do want rather than what you don't. Specific and measurable. Reasonable and achievable. Picking up your things and leaving the scene is easier than facing disappointment. Mars is in fall in Cancer because the Crab is famous for beating a hasty retreat. Self-preservation trumps risk every time.

But just because you left doesn't mean you won't be back. You're not very successful at talking yourself out of things you truly want. In fact, the more you try to talk yourself out of something, the more you'll wind up going for it--which explains why after piling all the cheaper items on the counter, you'll inevitably purchase the most expensive one. Bass-ackward, but it works. Walking away from challenges has taught you a lot about how to approach them. Preparation is one. The element of surprise is another. This fear causes them to behave in ways that prevent them from reaching their goals. They make excuses that they can't do something; This negative behavior ruins their relationships with other people who lose faith in them and ultimately it keeps them prisoners of mediocrity because of their fear. Before we go any further, it would be interesting to determine the following: Write down how many of the symptoms of the above mentioned fears do you recognize in your own behavior. Overcoming Fear It's not easy for someone with any of the above mentioned fears to overcome or just get over their fears. They might not even know they have one or more specific fears. Even if they know they have a fear of failure, for example, they do not know how to overcome it without knowledge about what it really is and what to do about it. Studies have shown that the majority of fears people have never happened; Within your control. Dependent on skills that you (and your loved one) have or are learning. Exercise: Problem Solving

Pick a problem that you identified with the Relationship Happiness Scale or that emerged from your goal-setting process. Try to solve it with the following steps. Define your problem. Keep it specific. Put it in writing. Brainstorm possible solutions. Write them down. You only act when you're ready, and when you do it's with the expectation of success. Cancer Mars . Fires up: Cancer Suns by making them hold on to what they've got. Irritates: Gemini and Leo Suns by making them ornery and cranky. Allies with: Taurus and Virgo Suns because it really knows how to drive a hard bargain. Squares off against: Aries and Libra Suns by forcing them to address what lies beneath the surface. Supports: Scorpio and Pisces Suns by making them express their needs unapologetically. Is anyone's guess with: Sagittarius and Aquarius Suns because it instinctively avoids confrontation. Sometimes this buys precious time and sometimes it just draws things out unnecessarily. Opposes: Capricorn Suns. All of these fears are about something they can't do anything about, which might perhaps be the reason why they have these fears. They have no control over the inevitable and the unknown. Lastly, some of the fears are petty and so small it is not worth while worrying about them.

Here are a few suggestions how to overcome fear: You need to realize and acknowledge that you have the fear Then you need to do research and gather as much knowledge as possible on the specific fear you harbor. You can use and apply the tools in this article as well. Make sure you know how to overcome your fear and replace it with faith by changing your thoughts and re-training your subconscious mind. Ask for help from professional psychologists and other specialists in this field and do a study on faith/love and fear in scripture. Keep doing what is necessary to overcome your fears until you have mastered and replaced it with confidence and faith. Eliminate unwanted ideas. Select one potential solution. Anticipate possible obstacles. Make a list. Address each obstacle. Assign task(s) and timeline(s). Then do it. Evaluate the outcome. If some changes are needed, list them and commit to trying it again. Positive Communication You see other people as defeatist crybabies who play the victim card the first chance they get. When Mars is opposite your Sun sign, you don't connect to its energy naturally, which means you will always find yourself in challenging situations where you have to assert yourself until you do. The best way to assert yourself is to be bold but sensitive.