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Uncomfortable with and most often afraid of their feelings, they tend to be emotionally reactive. Simply put, addicts use sex, food, gambling, alcohol, drugs, spending, and other stimulating or numbing combinations in an attempt to feel better and gain control over their feelings. Addicts, frightened of the depth and intensity of feelings they have been suppressing for years will go to any length to avoid vulnerability. They engage in distorted thinking, which is termed cognitive distortion. Examples of distorted thinking are seeing things from an all-or-nothing perspective, difficulty perceiving options or choices, catastrophizing (seeing only the worst of outcomes), operating from shoulds, and creating unrealistic expectations that only set themselves and others up for failure. The nature of distorted thinking creates further stress and painful feelings. To deal with this, addicts use the intense, familiar feelings provoked by sexual fantasy and sexual behavior to feel in control of deeper emotions, to feel power when they are feeling vulnerable, and to feel desirable when they are feeling needful. Many of their behaviors take advantage of somebody else's vulnerability or victimizing through intrusion or the use of power. We look for pills that clear up our skin and treat our allergic reactions. We want to eat whatever we want and then take a pill to treat the resulting high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart disease. But there are no magic pills. Every pill has a side effect, a cross-reaction, a potential adverse reaction. If you have taken medications before, you know this to be true. So let us try to move away from the lure of magic pills and instead implement lifestyle interventions that will give us the best chance to become healthy. Let us be empowered and go on this journey together! See Consider 2. BROKEN PILL PROMISES Every pill has a side effect. People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all.

It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done. Few people can handle the intensity and obsession all of these stellar people have with their craft. Examine your peers and you'll easily see that most people are not obsessed about anything. All of the people I've previously mentioned had a childlike, and even child-born fixation on their trade. If you listen to enough interviews about these individuals, and read enough articles, you'll notice that they all started young. Successful entrepreneurs sold things when they were in elementary school, singers put on performances and shows for their family members as children, musicians began playing their instrument before they were in grade school and the greatest doctors read about science and the human anatomy obsessively in school. Escape, mood alteration, and validation are not the only reasons certain behaviors become addictive. Sometimes behaviors are used as a reward. Sex addicts do not usually have a healthy sense of how to reward themselves. Whether it comes from a core belief in their unworthiness or their entitlement, they have a belief system that others will not take care of them and they must do everything for themselves. That builds up resentments. Their resentments can be expressed in a sense of entitlement: I deserve. Whether it follows surviving stressful events, performing well, or doing a good job, sex addicts may believe they deserve to be rewarded, and sex is the manner in which they can do that for themselves. I was so full of resentments and I took them into all of my relationships. I had been beat up a lot by my father and watched him beat my mom. Nothing I ever did was okay. There are no magic pills. Would you rather take a pill for every ailment or make an intervention that has a lasting effect?

How My Daughter Saved Me Dr Monica Aggarwal's Story When I was little, I used to think that I didn't bleed. I was never injured and rarely even received a cut. When my son was born, I remember laughing at myself because of my surprise that when he fell, he would bleed. For some crazy reason, I think we all believe when we are little that we are invincible. I carried that feeling of invincibility into my 30s. I was a powerhouse. None of these people lackadaisically reached their destination. They didn't wander around from place to place and end up with their glorious lives. They were all OBSESSED with reaching their end-goal, and they did things very few people were willing to do to become truly excellent. What's Left for Us? We must face reality. The sobering fact about all of these successful names. Frankly, it probably is impossible. How many 25 year-olds figure out that they want to be the greatest icon in some field and actually do it? You may live the entirety of your life without knowing a single super successful person. I mean, come on, how could I expect to become the next Bill Evans for jazz piano or the next Malcolm Gladwell of article writing at the age of 25 years old? By my mid-twenties I was into full-blown sex addiction with chronic masturbation, pornography, and escorts. As I'd get a new girlfriend, I'd try not to do those things.

I always hinted that those things were a part of my past, never sharing the whole picture. I think I did that so that I could say I didn't lie when she eventually found out what I was doing. As much as it's possible for me to get outside of always thinking about just myself, I'd say I'm in love with my present girlfriend. But it's been only a few months and I'm already rationalizing that I deserve my fix. Those lifelong resentments only stay down so long, and I find that they sprout up like weeds in the cracks of a sidewalk. I use her like a balm, but no salve will take care of my anger. As painful as my life is, losing one loving woman after another because of my infidelities, it's too overwhelming for me to address my trauma history. So again I juggle hiding my secret life, and I can hear myself rationalizing how it is that I'm entitled and deserving of doing what I want when I want without having to think of anyone else. I worked hard and long hours, then came home and crashed, only to wake up and do it again the next day. I felt I had it all. It is a tricky thing being a career woman, though. We spend our lives studying to reach the top of our game, but then that goal often coincides with the years when we want to have children. I had three children in five years. I poured the same intensity from my training years into my children. I nursed them all. I made fresh meals daily, baked their birthday cupcakes, and knit their Halloween costumes. I was exhausted. It was a hard life, but I felt that it was a burden I had to accept in order to have it all. The dreamy expectations that we fantasized about when we were children have now withered completely away, due to our collision with reality. Let's face it, you probably aren't going to be the next big thing.

And, since we like to justify all of our life decisions through our self-serving bias, we don't want to say that it's our own faults. We don't want to admit that it could be our own cause that got us to our unsatisfied, current state. We're masters at the blame game. Here are a few examples you may have said yourself or heard others say: The economy is terrible. There's no way I'll be able to make a good living. There just aren't any good employees out there. It's not even worth trying to look for them. Shared Traits Many factors influence the way children develop. The most apparent is the socialization process that directs males more toward acting-out behaviors such as rage, substance abuse, and behavioral addictions (intensity and arousal behaviors), and females toward acting-in behaviors such as being nice, being tolerant, and not questioning others. When they feel overwhelmed, girls tend to respond by acting in through depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or sedating-type addictions, such as alcoholism or prescription pain pills. Men are much more apt to be culturally influenced to find a (false) sense of empowerment and esteem in their sexual prowess. Women are socialized to be timid and reserved in their sexual feelings and thoughts. Certainly this stereotyping is not always accurate; And there are many men in coupleship with women sex addicts. But generally speaking, our culture has done much to influence who and how someone acts out or acts in. Many times people display both types of behavior. After my third child was born, life changed for me. I recall the time so vividly.