Being self-critical just lowers your mood further and applies extra pressure. Being kind to yourself and using encouraging self-talk can help you to bounce back from a disappointment and to focus on the next step.Goals Actions or Practice Effectiveness Rating (0-10) Notes or Observations Check In with Yourself Here are some phrases that a friend uses: I am attentive, interested, and aware of everything that is going on around me. I take responsibility for everything I say and do. Some phrases may hit you as icky-sweet, while others give you a feeling of hope and real promise. Just ignore the icky-sweet ones and pay attention to the ones that give you a charge of energy. You need to find your own phrases to address the issues you are working on. You need the emotional investment that comes from choosing phrases that have meaning for you. Write your positive self-help phrases in the present tense, as if the desired change has already taken place. The essential ingredient in any effort to change negative self-talk is repetition. I found a post on his website. It was a guest post, written by a guy called Benny Lewis, who did not begin learning languages until he was an adult, but now, just a few years later, had mastered eleven languages. First, I had to learn lots of words. He recommended a flashcard app, Anki, and I downloaded the 5,000 most common words in French and started to practice. Theoretically, this should take me a long way, because, in English, only 300 words made up 65 percent of all written material. The other trick was to immerse yourself in the language, Benny said. If you want to learn French, listen to French radio, watch French television, read French news, talk to French people online.

In short, create your own private France. Benny then recommended a language-learning app, Duolingo, which he described as wonderful and completely free. I downloaded it and set five lessons as my daily goal. It is what gives us instant energy for fight or flight. The ability to be resilient in the face of fear has nothing to do with how physically strong you are, how smart you are, how tough you can act, or even how emotionally stable you are. The most resilient people understand that exposure to fear is often the cure for fear's negative effects. It often comes down to your willingness to stand in the thunderstorm of your biggest fears with no umbrella or protection, and allow yourself to get drenched from the exposure. Fear thrives in the darkness of confusion and the unknown. The more you run from your fears, the more power they have. Everything is less scary when there is a spotlight shining on it. Please realize, however, that too much exposure without protection or preparation may leave you feeling like you'll drown in the fierceness of the storm. Strategically handling your exposure to fear is more likely to create success. Let's see what that looks like in practice. Maybe an occasional hand or two goes up. the discrepancy? all, if ideas are that important, why don't more of us spend time trying to generate them? I think there are a few reasons. First, many of us wouldn't know what to do with the time. We imagine hours spent staring at a blank piece of paper or standing in front of an empty whiteboard. Just the thought of it is enough to trigger the fight-or-flight instinct.

Many of us don't do well in situations where there is a danger of feeling inadequate or unprepared; Second, I think that many of us have only experienced idea generation as a team sport. The only time we really spend trying to come up with new ideas is when we're in formal brainstorming sessions or staff meetings. You don't have to wear a costume, but you can if you want, she says. Maybe you could get Blair, Mia, and Emily to come, too? Sure, I say, but I doubt they would come to a party hosted by Raylene. They probably won't want to be seen with me, either. At least not until after I talk in court. When I get home from Raylene's, I'm surprised to see Dad sitting at the table. He's eating a peanut-butter sandwich with the still-open jar sitting next to him. Where have you been? Raylene's, I answer. All I can think about is the video. Sources: Excerpted and reprinted with permission from Kaye, L. Standing on the threshold of retirement: Three rules of thumb. Silverwire: Newsletter from the UMaine Center on Aging, 8 (3), 2-4. HELPING OTHERS THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES The vast majority of families take care of their own during times of need. Years ago, certainly because of the lack of alternatives, families relied on one another as first-line supporters. Even now, we rely on our family well before we turn to health professionals or other service providers for assistance.

The eventual call from our families to provide assistance has increased quite a bit in the past few decades, and it is certain to continue to grow simply because we are all living much longer. As men's and women's life spans have increased, we are now living with disabling illnesses that people never had before (such as dementia, osteoporosis, postmenopausal breast cancer, cardiovascular disease). With longevity comes a greater number of older individuals who have chronic health problems and need some measure of care--and the call has gone out to men to be caregivers. It's good to check in with yourself periodically throughout this process. Remember to use the Path to Self-Compassion flow chart to personalize and guide your approach, as well as the personal preparations for self-compassion practice that were developed and suggested in the Getting Started section of article 1. HOW DID YOU DO? These practice monitoring questions can help support and track your practice: Did anything surprise you? If so, what? As with any new skill or behavior, it's important to stay motivated and engaged. reinforcing, and rewarding your hard work along the way can be very useful. Taking some time to appreciate your efforts and give yourself some positive response or reward will increase the likelihood of you continuing with your plan and will reinforce the new behaviors you are building. As you implement and reflect on your self-compassion plan, don't forget to acknowledge your efforts and reward yourself! You've been repeating the old self-talk for years, and it will take a while to overwrite this programming. Some people have even reported that it seemed like the old programming tried to talk them out of the new programming. It's important to select positive self-talk phrases that have meaning and power for you, phrases that you like hearing. Here are some of the techniques people use to program positive self-talk phrases: Mirror, mirror on the wall: First thing in the morning, as you are in the bathroom preparing for your day, repeat your positive self-talk phrases aloud to your image in the mirror. Do this a minimum of ten times. Say the phrases with energy and enthusiasm.

Sticky notes: One way to remind yourself of your new positive programming is to put sticky notes up in visible places. The note doesn't have to contain the whole phrase, just enough of a cue to trigger the full phrase in your mind. During the day they take out the cards and read the phrases aloud. This was the most ambitious goal available, called insane. Many hours later, when Sally and Esther came in from the cold, I realized I had not moved an inch the whole day. I had not done five lessons, but fifty lessons, and I had gained five hundred points. going to bed, I wrote down a set of rules for the month: Only listen to French radio (France Culture) Only read French newspapers (Le Monde) Only watch French television and French movies (France 24) Only listen to French music Only read articles in French Eat lunch with a French person twice a week GUIDED MASTERY Brad Anderson, a friend and collaborator on this article, had lunch a few years ago as part of an interview team with Dr Albert Bandura, the fourth most frequently cited psychologist of all time, behind the likes of Skinner and Freud. Still working at Stanford in his late eighties, Bandura spent years studying phobias and developed a brilliant methodology for working people through their fears. We're not talking about little, easily managed fears here. During their lunch, Bandura told Brad about a woman in Santa Barbara who had a phobia of snakes. She'd read a story in the paper about a woman in San Francisco who had a snake crawl up through the sewer and into her toilet. The woman in Santa Barbara was now so paralyzed by her fear of snakes that she couldn't go to the bathroom.