As with any relationship, changing your life completely to accommodate the other person ultimately leads to disaster. Maybe you have used your newfound power to create ease and fun in relationships that previously had conflict and tension. You may have used your inner guidance to know how to solve a difficulty in your life. Perhaps you have set eager intentions and followed your intuitive guidance to create a new place to live that feels safe and fulfilling for you and your family. Along with the power to create what you desire, you also have the power to mindfully contribute your energy to our shared field in a way that helps others and makes the world better for all of us. You have likely heard about the power of positive thinking, which teaches that your thoughts create your reality. Throughout this article, however, you have learned about the power of positive feeling. If you think about it, you know that you cannot hold focus on a thought for very long before a feeling gets intertwined with it. Similarly, you cannot hold an emotion for very long before a thought becomes intertwined with it. Your thoughts and feelings are thickly corded together. Yet it is the energy of the emotion that activates your power. Professionalism is, to a degree, a mask. In professionalism's finest form, physicians who don the mask are forever aware that they are wearing it. They may hold it with tremulous hands, but they know its necessity. They must weigh data objectively, make rapid decisions, and confront problems in a manner inspiring confidence during our most dreaded crises. Professional training, in principle then, should make it feasible for practitioners to deliver care that is both technically competent and humane whether or not they are personally motivated toward a particular patient or work under threatening conditions. Certain aspects of professional training seem to disable practitioners. The professional mask may protect the individual practitioner from feelings of being overwhelmed by patients' demands; Even where the education of the physician inculcates the right attitudes, the organization of the delivery system may undermine those values, replacing them with ones that complicate care and contribute to chronicity. Why is care of the chronically ill so difficult?

Perhaps it is the continuous cycling from damping to amplification of symptoms, from marginal functioning to disablement. You will have friends in common, of course, but do not think you have to define yourself according to the other person. You will be happier if you walk through life together rather than with one of you taking responsibility for the other. As discussed earlier in this article, honest communication is necessary when you are involved with someone with DID. This important part of any relationship is vital when dissociation is a part of the picture, because trust, abandonment, and attachment issues are at the core of the dissociator's life experience. One way to communicate honestly is by learning effective communication skills and ways of resolving conflicts. Communication Components Your ideas, feelings, and activities provide the content for most of your conversations with others. In the case of DID, both internal and external experiences are involved. The first step is to understand your own experience. The second step is to learn to express your experience more fully and accurately. Your power to create comes through using your two strongest emotions: intention and intuition. Setting and activating your purposeful intentions and then being powerfully present to your intuition will bring you the fulfillment of your deepest desires for happiness, abundance, fun, laughter, and love. You will grow your skills to create the wonderful life you want through a daily practice of using these two powers, calmly activating specific intentions and being tuned to your inner guidance. Intention is an emotion. It is a desire, a wish, a want, a motivation, a driving force. Your emotions are vibrating molecules of wavy matter that have the potential to communicate with similar waves of energy to bring you your desires. Your power is in specifically setting your intentions and then mindfully activating them to go to work for you in our shared energy field. Set Your Intentions You have learned that the energy waves of your emotions look like what they feel like, and they connect with other waves.

Your happy, loving, peaceful feelings put forth smooth, evenly spaced waves of electromagnetic energy. The frustration of trying multiple treatment plans without obtaining the desired results tires the practitioner as much as the patient. The very sense of compulsive responsibility essential to the care of acute illness and the emergency exacerbation of chronic disorder may, over the long course, create chronic irritability and numbing exhaustion. Repeated treatment failure tests the physician's sense of competence, until over time and with enough cases his sense of confidence is menaced. Uncertainty, inconstancy, fear, loss, anger--all take their toll. The cases in this article illustrate the problems that assault the healer. If the match between practitioner and patient or between practitioner and family is unsuitable, or is rendered so by the institutional setting, trouble is compounded. It takes courage to extract from Hiram Bender's fearsome night thoughts personal wisdom, not professional intimations of failure and defeat. The practitioner's defenses may lead to a self-corrosive negativism or an iron cage of professional distance from which neither himself nor his family is liberated. Burn-out is a recent term for an old phenomenon: the physician loses interest and commitment, and eventually mastery. Gu Fangwen's sentiments indicate that the difficulties of caring for the chronically ill cross even the immense divide between Western and non-Western civilizations. The third step is to attempt to understand the experience of the person with whom you are communicating. Conflict Resolution Focus on the present. Discuss one topic at a time. Make clear, specific statements. Avoid mind reading or speaking for the other person. Ask and give feedback to avoid any misunderstandings. Avoid labeling or blaming the other person. Begin and end the discussion on a positive note.

Take ownership of your own feelings, without judging them as good or bad. They are powerful because their even, predictable pattern allows similar waves to easily get in sync, which sets the stage for them to be activated for quantum communication. The energy waves of anger, resentment, frustration, or bitterness are uneven, jagged, and sharp. They feel like what they look like and are less powerful because their uneven, jagged pattern can't easily get in sync with other waves. You can purposefully set your emotional intentions into smooth waves with eagerness for vision, happiness, joy, or gratitude. Those waves are powerful. In every circumstance of your life, you have the power to create your highest self from any situation you are in. You have the power to purposefully focus on what you want more of and to attract it into your life. Viktor Frankl, the author of Man's Search for Meaning, experienced the absolute worst in what people could do as he suffered through years in four Nazi concentration camps during World War II. In his article he recounts that he saw the awfulness people created in the world, but at the same time he also saw beauty. In the midst of suffering, he witnessed the unfolding of human determination and love. But Paul Samuels's, Hiram Bender's, Helen McNaughton's, and Gu Fangwen's successes show that effective, sensitive care is possible and not uncommon. What is important is to lay out the anatomy of successful healing so that it can be understood, taught, acquired, and more routinely practiced. Frantz Fanon, the author of The Wretched of the Earth (1968) and other revolutionary texts, was a French-trained psychiatrist in Algeria who was radicalized by his experiences during the Algerian War. I think the notion of clinical wisdom that Drs. Bender and Gu allude to is what Isaiah Berlin describes as the ability to allow for the. It is not wisdom primarily about the tradecraft of medicine; A Method for the Care of the Chronically Ill We must work harder at being human, all of us: those who are disabled, those who are normal, those who are professional helpers. A doctor does more by the moral effect of his presence on the patient and family than anything else.

There is a long tradition in medicine for master clinicians to write articles of insights into the care of patients. Work toward a win-win resolution. You can learn communication and conflict resolution skills through workshops, through couples therapy, or by reading any of the myriad self-help articles written on the topic of communication. Learning about DID together is also a way of bolstering communication and emotional intimacy. Going to a support group for partners of persons with DID will help you better understand how your partner experiences life. It will also provide you with a way of dealing with your own relationship issues and a method of managing stressors that are a part of the relationship. Living with someone who has DID can be difficult. If you are committed to the relationship, you are going to witness a lot of pain that you are not able to stop, which creates suffering of your own. It can be lonely sometimes, because out of respect for your partner you cannot automatically share her dissociation with others. In the same vein, you may feel fearful about sharing your experience because people may not understand. Worse yet, they might judge you. And despite his intense agony, he found his own ability to love, give to others, and feel hopeful. He found his personal power. You now know that your feelings are things. They are actual pieces of matter made of molecules that send waves of energy communicating both inside and outside your body. You can purposefully choose which feelings to focus on to create the life you want for yourself. As you release feelings of bitterness, blame, complaint, resentment, or anger toward others, you can claim your own power to be happy within yourself. You are not reliant on the words or actions of other people to bring about your happiness. Your purposeful, sustained focus allows your energy waves to get in sync with one another. Those synced energy waves communicate both inside and outside your body, affecting your health, happiness, opportunities, and relationships with others.