Help your friends strengthen their own marriages. Plan couples' activities together and speak positively about friends' partners. If you want life to go your way, you need to over-plan, over-prepare, and forget what anyone says about it. Have more goals and hit more targets than everyone else. Have goals in between goals, goals on top of goals, so many goals you're not sure how you're going to reach them all and so many targets you're not sure if you can hit them all in one lifetime. We have things we want, things we'd like to experience, and we want to be as comfortable as possible, but we aren't willing to create as many goals and targets as necessary to make sure everything we want to happen actually happens. We aren't willing to spend more time and energy on our goals than everyone else. We're waking up each day, wasting time, wandering through life aimlessly, and upset others are "luckier" and having a better life than us. There's no luck to it. It's about goals. It's about eating the big elephant one bite at a time. It's about figuring out the actionable steps involved in getting what we want, turning those steps into attainable goals, and then working each day to cross as many goals off of the list as we can. If you're bored and can't figure out what's stopping you from having your act together, look at your goals. Are they flowing off of the page? Are there so many you feel overwhelmed? Do they take up page after page after page? If not, start filling your list up with things you'd like to accomplish, see, do, create, contribute, etc. Start thinking about what you want, what you can accomplish, and what you can achieve and get to work. With a lot of goals, the time wasting activities naturally disappear and you're forced to focus on what's important. You're forced to spend your time more wisely.

You're forced to knock off the nonsense. You weren't born to be mediocre. You weren't born to be OK with losing. The average healthy adult male releases anywhere between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single ejaculation and out of all of those sperm cells, YOU MADE IT! You're the only one that fertilized the egg! You made it through the "warfare" and the complex series of environments it takes to reach the egg so you can have life. You beat out millions of other "people" for the privilege of being alive and having consciousness and now you're throwing it away by accepting a life of mediocrity and losing! The process it took for you to be here right and reading this book meant that you had to fight and win! Even as a tiny sperm cell, you were "programmed" to fight and win. Why are you not fighting to win now? You beat millions of others when you didn't even have consciousness! Now, with your ability to think and strategize, what could you possibly do in your life? You're not battling millions of other people - you're only battling yourself! For most, life is not a competition - but it doesn't mean you have to lose, come in last, and live a mediocre life. It doesn't mean you have to keep getting knocked down, defeated, and stepped on. Live up to your full capabilities and potential. Stop wasting your powerful abilities doing weak and mediocre things! Being OK with losing has infiltrated every single area of your mind and everything about you and your life is a product of it! Every single part of your mind should be overly-obsessed with fighting, winning, improving, moving forward, and not accepting average and mediocrity. You should be obsessed with getting what you want and not settling for mediocrity!

When this is your mindset, your life reflects it. Words of affirmation can be compliments, pillow talk, or just verbal expression ("You look beautiful in that dress,"). It makes the other person feel valued, special and appreciated. Acts of service can be anything that your partner does for you, such as put gas in your car (so you don't have to stop at the gas station on your way to work) or arrange for a special date night for the upcoming weekend. Affection is anything that shows your partner or date you're thinking of him/her. It could be your arm draped around her shoulder, a spontaneous kiss, a hug or being sexually intimate. Affection is any form of a physical act that makes the other person feel loved and accepted by you. Quality time is the fourth expression of love, which includes any time spent together. Many people need this in their relationship to reconnect emotionally and physically, and to tighten the bond. It doesn't matter what the activity is--a night out at the movies, a walk in the park, lying in bed together talking about your day, or not even talking at all, but simply being together by cuddling on the couch. The fifth love language is gifts. This is any token to show your thoughtfulness. It could be a bouquet of flowers, a pair of ticket to see a band play, or a nice dinner out. Now that you know what the love languages are, you need to assess what your date, or partner's specific love language is. No two people are alike, and neither are the ways in which they best receive love. As you go on a date, and get to know your new love interest, (or if you're in a relationship) get to know your significant other or spouse on a deeper level, ask these important questions: When you get to know someone, what is one of the first things you like to do for them? What is one of the first things I like to do for them? How did your parents show you that they loved you growing up? (did they bring you a small present after you had a bad day? Did they shower you with affection?) Then, ask yourself the same question.

Often, what we experienced as a child in love, we tend to repeat as an adult. So, if you were given affection by a loving parent, you probably crave that same level of affection in your adult relationship. The same goes for gifts, acts of service, or quality time. Here's a sample scenario of how this can work. Say you're in the car, getting ready to drive to work. But you're feeling really angry about an interaction you had with a family member in the kitchen, as you were heading out the door. You're so piping mad, your urge is to blow off an early meeting and go in late. What if you sit in the car, don't even put the keys in the ignition, and do the breathing exercise? Or what if you pop in the keys, turn on the radio, and belt out a song or two before starting to drive? Then, after the breathing exercise or song ends, you check in with yourself to see if the intensity has faded. Not completely, just enough to let you think through what makes sense. Can you continue to override the urge to take yourself further from a goal of showing up for work? Perhaps the emotion has cooled just enough for you to do a quick TRAP review with a notetaking app on your phone. You clearly see the consequences for what would happen if you blew off work. This sense of perspective helps you acknowledge how pissed off you are, see the trigger, and feel all the emotional effects that got kicked off--body and mind, in entirety. Then you make an action plan using one of the suggestions offered in this section. Say you play a rallying personal anthem on repeat, really loud, and sing all the way to work. Doing something like this may lead to consequences like: "I felt calmer by the time I got behind my desk and could focus," "I'm proud of myself for following through on my goals and getting to work," or "I had a great conversation with Jill in the elevator; I never would have seen her if I came in late." Of course, these strategies can't solve the situation prompting the triggering event in the first place. What they can do is help you cope with the trigger in the moment in a healthy way that will reduce the generation of further stress and give you the emotional bandwidth to deal with it at a better time. The other style of responding to high-intensity situations is emotional over-control.

In this choice point, when your emotion is intense and you want to squash it, how can you instead react with compassion to your internal experience? Two core strategies encourage you to: touch the emotion just enough to listen to, and learn from, what it's trying to tell you; and take a break from the endless thinking and imagining that robs you of chances to participate in fresh sources of joy or relaxation. Here are some of the thoughts that may go through your mind, and suggestions for how to work with them. "If I experience this emotion a little, then something bad will happen." With this thought, you aren't giving yourself enough credit. You are too good at controlling your behavior. Try to identify exactly what it is that you're afraid will happen. Then look back on your previous life experience to see if that has ever actually been the result of emotion. I suggest that you set a timer and, for 5 minutes, give yourself permission to sit and simply notice what it is you're feeling. Then do what you do best and tuck it away. "I don't understand the emotion, it just feels bad." To understand a bit better, try monitoring it with a TRAP form. Give it a shot, just for a few minutes. You may need to do several forms to catch the whole sequence. This will help you acknowledge what is going on and dig deeper into what your emotion is telling you. Maybe you have a need that is not getting met. You don't have to do anything to fix the situation; just inwardly ask, listen, perhaps write it out, and then file that information away. A variation of this suggestion is to take out a journal and write in a stream-of-consciousness style. Protective factors are features that help inoculate a child or adult from engaging in suicidal behavior. Protective factors include personal, cultural, and religious attitudes, cohesive support from family, friends, and community, as well as access to treatment for mental illness. Just as you did in the risk-factor section above, familiarize yourself with the kinds of positive influences that can protect against suicide. It is important, however, to understand that protective factors don't necessarily balance or cancel out risk factors.