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We do this with extreme sports, too, liking or retweeting a video of Jeremy Jones carving his way down an impossibly steep mountainside, Paige Alms escaping from the curl of a giant wave just before it swallows her, or Danny MacAskill doing flips over centuries-old stone walls in the Scottish Highlands. Kai Lenny puts it this way: It's ridiculous when you see someone just looking at nature on a phone in front of them. It's made-up fun. It's like eating something synthetic versus the real thing, such as a synthetic avocado. Nothing is better than a real avocado. While we might never reach the level of performance that Kai, Danny, or Paige has obtained, we can at least try to experience more for ourselves and indulge less in what others are doing. This doesn't just encompass sports but everyday activities, too. If you're spending time watching friends' Facearticle videos instead of taking your kids to the park to throw a Frisbee or joining them in the driveway to shoot hoops, you need to take stock of your priorities. Sometimes the acronym LGBTQ2S is used, with the 2S referring to two-spirit people who have both masculine and feminine spirits, a cultural identity that originated with Indigenous people. ADDITIONAL TERMINOLOGY ASSOCIATED WITH GENDER PRIVILEGE AND OPPRESSION Sexism refers to both discrimination based on sex and the attitudes and stereotypes that promote that discrimination. The term sexism is applied to discrimination towards women and people of other genders, and not to prejudice against men, as men as a class hold institutional power denied to others. Men are undoubtedly affected by sexism, but because of their privilege they don't experience it in the same way that people of other genders do. Heterosexism is the belief that heterosexuals are inherently superior to people of other sexual orientations. Homophobia refers to negative attitudes and feelings toward people who are identified or perceived as being lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Heteronormativity is the belief that people fall into distinct and complementary genders (man and woman) with natural roles. It's a system that works to normalize behaviors and societal expectations that are tied to the presumption of heterosexuality and an adherence to a gender binary. Cissexism is the belief that cisgender people are inherently superior to those who don't gender conform. Compulsive daily masturbation, cybersex, internet affairs, and infidelity that ranged from one-night stands to longstanding affairs, from unknowns he picked up over the internet to women he worked with, regular women in multiple cities he traveled to on business, prostitutes, and escorts. Risky sex, unprotected sex in public places, sex in our home, bisexual encounters, and sex with other couples.

It was constant and progressive. All of this was happening and I was happily oblivious, partly because denial was such a learned coping mechanism for me from my growing-up years, and partly because I was so caught up in my own addictions of work and crazy living. As a child I was very quick to figure things out and with my straight-A marks, compliant demeanor, and affable personality, I excelled in school. I excelled at most anything I put my mind to. So I naturally assumed I was excelling at this marriage. What was it that drove me so hard? The need to prove I was okay, the strong desire for acceptance and approval, the inherent core belief that I wasn't good enough? The truth was that my family was foundationally broken. To overcome this, try to get more natural light and less of the artificial substitute. During unavoidable screen time, switch your devices to their lowest light settings and use apps like f. Next, make an effort to get outdoors at least a couple of times a day, taking your Ray-Bans off unless you're going to be exposed to direct sunlight glaring off snow or water. Make an effort to get your vitamin D through twenty minutes of outdoor time rather than popping a pill. And if you have rooms in your house that naturally get a lot of light, try opening the blinds when you're indoors instead of turning on overhead lights and lamps. Got a deck? Walk back and forth across it when you're on a call rather than plopping down in that recliner or your office chair. Need to meet with a colleague at work? Take a article out of Steve Jobs's article and have a walking meeting to the local coffee shop and back rather than spending another hour in that dreary conference room. Become a Nature Addict Transphobia refers to negative attitudes and feelings toward people whose gender identities, appearances, or behaviors deviate from social norms. Privilege refers to the unearned advantages conferred by social identity, backed by institutional power, such as male privilege, heterosexual privilege, cisgender privilege, and able-bodied privilege.

Entitlement refers to believing oneself to be inherently deserving of certain privileges or special treatment. Because of privilege, entitlement is often not conscious to the beholder, who may not see and understand the ways they act with entitlement. Gender entitlement refers to a person privileging their own perceptions, interpretations, and evaluations of other people's genders over the way those people understand themselves. THE GENDER MANIFESTO It is important to emphasize that these conceptual frameworks--sex, gender, and sexual orientation--can be viewed as a continuum, with socially constructed definitions of categories, as opposed to having an objective basis. Conventional ideas about these categories support a hierarchical system that confers power on some as it disempowers others. Expecting people to conform to binary categories denies the reality of human diversity and limits our full expression. Few of us fully fit the socially sanctioned binary categories in all ways and at all times, and all of us pay a price for internalizing or policing them. I was raised by parents in a loveless, work-addicted marriage and subjected to controlling silence and terrifying rages. From a young age, I was set up to believe that I wasn't of value; This played out for years with the duality of my life: a seemingly perfect persona on the outside and brokenness on the inside, ever driven by my core belief of not being good enough. But today I realize I had chosen a mate who was also a master deceiver. As smart as I was, he was smarter when it came to deception. So here we were in our dance, me running as fast as I could, living this fun, exciting life, oblivious to the reality of a very fractured coupleship. Then one day before the birth of my son, I was told I had a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that threatened my health and the health of our unborn baby. That was the beginning of my husband telling me about some of his behavior. I was devastated, shocked, overwhelmed, and pregnant. Fortunately, I was able to have a caesarean and the baby was born healthy, and I was treated as well. Earlier we looked at how exercise and technology can combine to become an unhealthy super-addiction. Yet if we switch out the tech component for nature, we can replace the extrinsic rewards that our gadgets provide with the intrinsic rewards of being outside.

Sometimes it takes finding an outdoor activity that you enjoy so much, you have to keep coming back to it time and again. A lifestyle sport like surfing calls to people day after day. I'm lucky enough to live in California and so can get out in the ocean year-round, although I admit that I don't surf or paddle nearly often enough. The pull of the mountains is just as strong. In her article Facing the Extreme, alpinist Ruth Anne Kocour writes, Mountaineering is a white-hot imperative--that single interest in life that motivates me in everything else I do. On a mountain, I find that I am able to peel away the camouflage under which all humans hide and experience existence in a pure state--stripped to the bare essentials--life in the raw with its flaws and beating heart exposed for all to see. It is this baring of one's soul that leads to personal awareness and the feeling that one is truly alive. You don't have to become a surfer or a mountain climber; It's okay to be a man or a woman, if that's what you choose. It's okay to be masculine or feminine or to choose categories that defy the binaries. It's okay to choose fluidity across the categories. Where we go wrong is when we allow our culture, our history, or even our biology to define us. We all get to make choices for ourselves about how we identify as well as how we express ourselves. We get to change our minds, make up new categories that describe our particular identity, and change our bodies, too, if we so choose. TOOLS TO SMASH THE GENDER BINARY Two easy ways you can help smash the gender binary and support trans folks is through proper pronoun usage and making bathrooms accessible. A special call-out to cisgender people: use your privilege to advocate for others. Why is it valuable to ask for and respect people's personal gender pronouns? Having a child though would create shifts for both my husband and me. We both knew we couldn't go on like this forever and our lives needed to change.

But it was really just the beginning, he told me some of his past, and little of his present. I would catch him in lies, I had become the master detective. I was not going to be duped again. Vanessa, whom you just met, and Jacque, whom you are about to meet, are professional women in their thirties. They take great pride in their work accomplishments; Busyness is a common defense that helps women stay in denial. Slowing down would give them time to analyze their feelings and to ponder the nuances of their partner's behavior that are niggling at their consciousness. Vanessa's work addiction, her partying, and her image of the good life override her ability to recognize that she is in a relationship with someone who is already engaged in compulsive sexual behavior. It might be a solitary pursuit, like snowshoeing, or something you do with friends or a family member, such as hiking every Thursday before work. Once you've found your thing, you won't even have to make a conscious effort to go out and do it--it will just become a part of you. Stepping out into nature shouldn't become yet one more thing you feel obligated to do. Rather, it should be an open invitation that you answer freely in the spirit of conservationist John Muir, who famously wrote, The mountains are calling, and I must go. Digital Detox With our ever-connected lives, we're lacking not just immersion in nature but also time alone and in silence. All three are worth seeking out to re-center ourselves and regain perspective. It's a big world out there, but it's easy to see only our noisy little corner of it. Disconnecting from our devices, spending time outdoors, and seeking out solitude and silence helps us slow down and de-stress, and reminds us that we're part of something bigger than ourselves. The Value of Feeling Small Some people may consider this practice silly or oversensitive, or perhaps too politically correct for their taste. If so, this is an opportunity to reflect on privilege.