Instead, think about what you can do to overcome or prevent the things that are holding you back. Thinking about details is nothing more than doing your job. If you're a writer, your job is to write the best book you possibly can. If you're a designer, your job is to create the best design you can. You're not here to write one book and call it quits. Or to design one product and retire. If you want to grow--financially, spiritually, mentally--you must revisit the details all the time. Never underestimate or overlook details if you want to do a job right. And if you don't, it's better not to do it at all. So why would someone with borderline personality disorder identify with perfectly hidden depression? From my work with patients with BPD, they often describe feeling as if there's a dark, very empty part of themselves, a part that's ultimately filled with despair, loneliness, self-loathing, or rage. One patient called it "a black hole that tries to suck any goodness out of my life." This dark, empty part of themselves can overlap with or seem similar to the "hidden self" of perfectly hidden depression. Another patient with BPD said, "Perfectly hidden depression is exactly how I feel. I hide all the time. I can be two people at once." But what drives behavior is quite different between them. In fact, the dynamics of perfectly hidden depression and borderline personality disorder could be considered as being on opposing emotional poles. In PHD, intellectualization and overanalyzing tightly rule behavior, whereas dramatic emotions and impulsivity rule someone with BPD. Both sadly and happily, they're not the same. If you see yourself in the criteria for borderline personality disorder, it's essential that you seek help. There are specific treatment regimens, such as dialectical behavior therapy, that can be highly effective; with hard work, you can develop a more stable life.

Similarly, scoring high on the chance scale cripples your self-concept and sets you up for obvious problems. If your approach tends to be, "What difference does it make?" then you're likely to spend your life on the sidelines. Chance people, not surprisingly, strike others as being lazy and uninvolved in life. They miss crucial opportunities to make a difference in their own lives, to align themselves more closely with their authentic selves. Whatever justification you might offer for adopting an internal or external locus of control, there is none for the chance approach. That's because there are no real accidents in life. Living as if you have no self-determination is living on a false premise and nothing but a fictional self-concept would ever try and sell that logic. It means you are forfeiting your capacity to change. Ignoring every opportunity to become who you are, you instead live in a state of continual chaos. There is no authenticity in a life left to chance. When we choose to develop ourselves personally, we choose to facilitate the great change we collectively long to see in our world. We want to sparkle, and by embracing the magic of life with joy and gratitude, one by one we can illuminate our world. Sigmund Freud wrote that it is impossible to overlook the extent to which civilisation is built upon a renunciation of instinct. By honouring our instinct and reconnecting with our inner wisdom, we may build a new kind of civilised life on earth. When we tend to the needs of our spirits with care and respect we nourish not only our personal but our collective wellness and the wellness of nature. We can share the important sparkle we cultivate within ourselves through self-care to bring joy, intuitive wisdom and comfort to each other and our world as we live. Our light matters. Today, emotional intelligence is recognized in more spheres than ever. The original theory, as described by Salovey and Mayer, is framed within a model of intelligence. It equates the ability to use emotions to better a personal situation with the aptitude to learn and process information analytically.

This approach places emotional intelligence on the same plane as intellectual intelligence---something that is partly innate and partly learned. In sum, by recognizing, understanding, and regulating emotions, you can bring your goals, ideas, and positive expectations to life. I don't want to become someone who only thinks and never acts. In fact, the only reason I think is that I want to do more with my life. I like to get more out of it because it gives me satisfaction. That's why I don't like to think on an average day. Sounds paradoxical, right? "You say you should think better, but now you're saying you're thinking less yourself." That's exactly what I'm saying. Improve the quality of your thoughts, so you improve the quality of your actions. And always have an imbalance. The best way to make sure you act more is to rely on habits. Take exercise. I've struggled with staying in shape for all my life. And I was overweight for years. I always played mind games with myself about exercise and diet. As a therapist, I've watched people try to change their lives in many different ways. Often, those efforts will be going quite well, and then...bam! You're caught by surprise, not knowing exactly what to do. Your stress level is so high that you turn to what's old hat--to that familiar (even if unhealthy) coping strategy. This partially explains why recovering alcoholics with years of sobriety under their belt relapse.

Or how couples who've learned healthier communication skills deteriorate into old patterns when they have an extensive visit from family over the holidays. Or why your healthier eating plan was going really, really well, until one of your children has to go into the hospital and out comes your favorite comfort food. We all do it--or it takes an inordinate amount of self-discipline and self-awareness not to do it. When you realize you've "relapsed," you can beat yourself up and feel helpless about maintaining your intention. Or you can realize that it's part of the process. It's essential to accept that you're not failing when you fall back into old choices or patterns. You're learning. And part of learning is making mistakes. Your intention and commitment can be renewed as many times as necessary. I want to repeat this. Part of healthy learning is slipping up. Part of healthy learning is making mistakes. Part of healthy learning is having compassion for yourself when you go back on automatic pilot. It takes time to establish a new normal. Remember, your focus is on the journey, not the destination. If you have little or no belief or trust in yourself or anything else, you will probably not put any faith in any health-related resource. You may not see any point in changing your diet or quitting smoking. Take note: This dynamic of chance is not about "self-discipline." It's different from not wanting to change your habits just because you don't want to discipline yourself. Chance is a self-concept of powerlessness: You see no purpose in discipline and therefore have zero motivation to change. What are the health implications for an externalizer?

A high score (22-40) on the external scale implies a highly dependent reliance on powerful others or powerful things, for your state of health. Like those with a chance locus of control, if you are an externalizer, you are apt to be way too passive in maintaining your health. Instead of relying on the "luck of the draw," you rely on doctors or others to "fix" any health problems you may encounter, rather than avoiding them by responsible behavior. The old adage that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" is the bane of the externalizer's existence. Any time you give your power away you are at the mercy of forces you do not control. Suppose, for example, that two or more of your doctors hold differing opinions. In the confusion and conflict between the two, you're likely to panic and be totally lost as to what to do. It is never a good idea to substitute anyone's judgment for your own. As an externalizer, your vulnerability in that situation is huge. There is a wonderful Chinese proverb teaching that tension is who we think we should be while relaxation is who we are. Granting ourselves permission to settle into our true selves, to sparkle in tune with the calls of our wild and free spirits, is a revolutionary and necessary art. It could be said that much of the psychological suffering with which we are diagnosed in modern life is indeed spiritual suffering. A deep sense of loss of belonging; of unfilled desires of our spirits; of longing for a ritualistic, interconnected, magical and fulfilling way of life in connection with nature. Indeed, we are starting to understand the significance of returning to nature now; to natural rhythms and what is authentic, organic, lasting and real. We are actively seeking ways to slow down, be mindful, relax and replenish ourselves. Having experienced the fleeting satisfaction of chasing things we don't actually need in pursuit of our happiness we are realising that we need to start new conversations around joy and meaning now. Cracks are showing in the `bigger, better, faster' model of living that has dominated our social and emotional landscapes for some time now. No matter how much we gather in the material world, including accolades, if we are forever rushed and feel disconnected from ourselves and our earth, we cannot find or enjoy our sparkle. In my eyes, the restlessness and separation that we have come to know in modern life is inviting a deeply meaningful and truly healing revolution. Regulation is a key aspect at the core of emotional intelligence.