My marriage would not be blessed as I had willed it to be. Over the years I would find out about things that were going on. Women would call my house and tell me things about my husband. Or someone at his work would pull me aside and tell me to open my eyes. There were hundreds of women. I would try to find out what I could before I would accuse him, and then I would be so self-righteous. I would find credit card slips from restaurants and hotels where he had no reason to be. I found receipts for women's presents that I did not receive. We're meant to be instinctual creatures, but we distance ourselves from that because we're living these hollow shells of lives through our screens. You don't have to surf big waves. Just go for a walk in the sand every day or whatever you like to do outside. Elemental Healing We've already mentioned the benefits of being in touch with the elements and not using technology to blunt them. But we'd be remiss to restrict ourselves to the obvious elements of sunlight, wind, and hot and cold. There are substances that are abundant in nature that often go unnoticed but have the power to restore our bodies. Take salt, for example. You hear about pro athletes putting sea salt in their baths or swimming in saltwater pools, but why not just go for the real thing in the ocean? Kai Lenny asked me. We might even do a little reading and talk amongst ourselves about how bad things are. We join rallies when it's popular.

We say things like, If I were in the Oval Office, here's what I would do. But deep down, in that dark reality nobody wants to acknowledge, our actions haven't reflected the thoughts, words or social media posts we blast. No matter what the conversation is, there's a little more that's required out of us, on an individual and communal level, in order to see the change we complain about. So let me ask this offensive question again. Am I a good person? Are we good people? Here's my personal definition of who I believe good people are. I believe you're a good person if you live an intentional life. He bought perfume I did not wear. He had dinner vouchers for more than one other person. I became quite the investigator, quite the interrogator. I would check his luggage and plane tickets; I would not talk to him for days; I would not sleep with him. When I would confront him I would give him an ultimatum. I would tell him, I can have a better life. I am going back home. He would freeze; Sea salt is a healing agent and just one of the beneficial properties we're exposed to when we're swimming, surfing, or paddling. The majority of our planet is made up of water, our bodies are mostly water, and all life came from it.

Take any grumpy, bummed-out person, put them in the water, and let them swim around for a little bit. Even if they won't admit it, you will notice a physical change in them. You can visually see that their body is a lot more relaxed. If someone is sick or injured and goes in the saltwater every day, I guarantee their chances of getting better shoot through the roof. There's something in the ocean that we can't fully understand, but we can see its effects. Writer Steven Kotler is living proof of this. He struggled to overcome the ill effects of Lyme disease in his midthirties and his doctors had all but given up. No medicine seemed to work. If you live a life that's dedicated to improving yourself, the world around you or you've built a life you're satisfied with. Please understand, what the world doesn't need are more disgruntled, irritated and dysfunctional people who can't seem to find contentment with their lives, no matter what they do. As our great friend Ben Franklin stressed earlier, there's a dramatic difference between someone who knows themselves and someone who does not. If you know that you can't become a great advocate to solve peace in the Middle East because you need to pay off that car debt, then that's great. Pay off that car debt! If you know that you just don't care about abortion rights, even though your liberal compadres want you to care, then put your care into something else. Come to terms with the reality of your life and be happy with it! And if you're not happy, what will you do to solve your lack of joy in life? A key question that you should ponder throughout the article is, When is it important to care about others and when is it important to care about yourself? We really do have our own problems to deal with. I would move out of our bedroom for a few weeks, and then in time he would say he was sorry and act like he was ashamed. He would beg me to give him another chance.

And time after time I would. The worst part is that much of the time I knew the women he was seeing. Ninety-nine percent were women who knew me. I knew them in my committee work, my fundraising work, or they were friends. I did not ever say anything to them. Within just a few years of my marriage I was seriously looking for answers as to what was wrong. I prayed for help in seeing the light. I began to read articles about women and oppression. Steven eventually found his cure from an unlikely source: surfing. He isn't sure what the mechanism for his recovery was, but the fact remains that for him and many others who've been failed by traditional therapies, nature really is the best healer. Some of us get a similar, if less dramatic, restorative effect from the cold, crisp mountain air, the warm, ambient blanket of the sand dunes, the gigantic mysticism of uncut tundra, or the serenity of a stream running gently through an uninhabited meadow. There can be no very black melancholy to him who lives in the midst of Nature and has his senses still. USING SENSES, NOT SENSORS To be fully engaged with the world around us, we need to be fully conscious of it and ourselves. And yet, as Larry Rosen puts it in his article iDisorder, from the moment we first check our phones in the morning we're being pulled into a world of button clicks, finger swipes and glowing screens from which some of rarely emerge. In terms of our health and performance, we're also delegating more and more to our devices. Want to know if you're going too fast or too slow? I'd argue (and will continue to argue), that it's often better to see yourself personally develop and pursue the accomplishment of your own life goals before tackling the world's problems. By solving your own problems and becoming a more awesome human being, you're actually helping the world.

You're not being part of the problem. Before we get too far, I want to encourage you to not lose hope in humanity. There are great people in the world, but you will continue to read negative statistics and facts about the realities of humanity. Once we're done together, my hope is that you'll truly be able to identify the clear differences between someone who intentionally cares and someone who's, really, still quite apathetic. There's a real difference between a driven person and a drifting person. There are very clear distinctions between apathetic people and non-apathetic people. The world has a lot of problems. Your country has problems, your state has problems, your city has problems and the local beggar on your street corner has problems. I was looking at how class and gender impact women and men differently. I was reading about the role of money and how the more money a man has, the greater imbalance of the relationship in the marriage. I was reading that money was power, and the more power, the greater the abuse in marriages. I was beginning to see myself as a feminist and trying to understand my life from a feminist perspective. In that process, I began to see how he would use these women and then dispose of them like tissue paper. Then I began to see this was not about having an affair, this was something much bigger; By now I was living my worst nightmare, and I was alone, disconnected, and powerless. I was angry at God, and in all of that I was pretending things were better and happier than they were. When we got married I was a size two. I knew I was attractive, so why did he want someone else? Listen to the coach in your ear. Not sure if you're adequately hydrated?