I also tried to create the image of the perfect helpmate during those first months of marriage. I cooked and cleaned the house for Jonathan, just like a good wife was supposed to do. My dad always appreciated a hot meal as soon as he arrived home from work, so I assumed Jonathan would, too. Much of my early marriage behavior came not from asking Jonathan what he needed, but by following my parents' example and stereotypes about what a good Christian wife should look like. As you can imagine, this was not a recipe for success in marriage. As long as any part of you still contemplates reuniting, the narcissist has power over your feelings, thoughts, and choices. A clear ending in your mind needs to be reached before you can move on. Only then can you truly get yourself emotionally out of this drama and protect yourself from further pain. As long as you have grudges, resentments, demands, or expectations of the narcissist, you have not let go of this relationship. You may say you are done and it's over, but as long as the narcissist can make you crazy, you have not completely let go. Some things that your former partner does will never be to your liking, but the goal is to let him go and focus your attention on the events and happenings in your own life. Don't let the narcissist continue to control your thoughts or how you feel and live your life months and years after the relationship has ended. When Leanne came to therapy to deal with her continued anxiety and depression about her divorce from five years earlier, she wasn't aware of how much time and energy she was spending interacting with her former husband, Ron. She was sending and receiving numerous texts and e-mails daily. They had two children in high school, who were both hesitant to speak up to their dad and tell him what they wanted. Listen to it. Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it.

You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal. Therapists and friends can help you along the way, but the healing--the genuine healing, the actual real-deal, down-on-your-knees-in-the-mud change--is entirely and absolutely up to you. Our most meaningful relationships are often those that continued beyond the juncture at which they came closest to ending. Real change happens on the level of the gesture. It's one person doing one thing differently than he or she has done it before. E: Empowerment People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. To be a truly effective leader you must demonstrate that you care for those that you lead. Be sure that the climate in your organization is a high-trust and high-communication environment, where people feel safe to connect and share information and ideas. Accountability Great leaders take full responsibility for defeat and share victories. A personal story describes accountability: While driving back from Ft. Lauderdale, I stopped to get gas around Exit 173, just short of my destination at Exit 199. But when I got back on the interstate I was preoccupied. None of the ideas in this article are difficult. In fact, you will probably recognize most of the things I share. But remember that ideas by themselves are cheap. Your execution is what matters; And that's the hardest thing on the planet.

But that shouldn't scare you because the reward is freedom--the highest aim in life. Is freedom anything else than the right to live as we wish? Nothing else. Expose yourself to your deepest fear; You are free. Can dysfunctional love still be love? Is the love we feel for some people different from the love that we feel for others? Or does all love ultimately come from the same source? And if so, what is that source? There are lots of questions but no agreed-upon answers. In my experience, love is living energy that comes into the world through us. And when it comes through, it is pure. But depending upon what it encounters, it can be reflected back to us with equivalent purity or become warped and twisted and tangled up with fear. So who we give our love to matters in terms of the love we feel coming back to us in return. When we're young and looking for our love savior, we are willing to offer it up to anyone who seems at all interested in what we have to give, which makes us potential victims of dangerous others. I also gave her antifungals to reduce the overabundance of yeast and put her on an antifungal diet. By killing the yeast in the gut and removing the heavy metals, this treatment improved her condition considerably. She no longer foamed at the mouth, and she was able to sit next to people without hitting and spitting. A change in her gut flora and a reduction in toxic metal had improved the neurological symptoms of autism and made her more personable. She improved so much that the Connecticut Department of Social Services wrote me a letter saying that due to her remarkable changes, they would pay the cost of anything I prescribed, even organically grown food.

The dramatic effects of treating this patient's yeast imbalance in the gut, and her toxic load of cadmium and lead, clearly demonstrated to me that neurology is a fusion of complex interactions between gastroenterology and toxicology. The Microbiome and Gut Health What is a microbiome? In a general sense, it is a mutually beneficial biological community comprising bacteria, viruses, fungi, and other specialized microorganisms that--together with their host--work to create and maintain a fully healthy environment. Almost every ecosystem, whether on land, sea, or air, has its own microbiome that has evolved over time to support that ecosystem's life. These varied expressions of subtle body are the foundation of all methodologies that support human psycho-spiritual development. Weaving happens on a loom where there is an overlapping of horizontal and vertical threads. This overlap of warp and weft where two opposites meet and join is necessary in order to form a durable, unified fabric. From this association, I have come to see that the subtle body is formed by a process of weaving--a linking together of two polarities--matter and spirit, yin and yang, self and other. The subtle body brings opposites together in new ways, it unifies parts that have been separated. Using a different metaphor, I liken the web of the subtle body to the energized electro-magnetic field that forms between the opposing north and south poles of a magnet. However, unlike the field that is created by moving electrically charged particles, the field of the subtle body pulses with psychic energy expressed as awareness or consciousness. The subtle body vibrates with vital, animating breaths of life rather than a measurable physical force. While the electro-magnetic force field powers electrical and mechanical systems, the field of the subtle body powers the life force that gets you out of bed in the morning. It is a psychic rather than a physical phenomenon, so the subtle body is qualitative rather than quantitative. Since Jonathan was into fitness even more than me, I felt more pressure to work out and learn all the sports I had never figured out as a kid. This became more obvious to me one day when we met some friends at the local park. One of them brought a football and a game quickly formed. I loved being active but had no clue how to catch a football, so I was terrible. The more I tried, the worse I got.

Because I knew how much Jonathan wanted to win, I felt like I was letting him down. On the drive home, I felt sure he would look over at me and wonder how he had managed to marry someone this uncoordinated. I never wanted to see a football again. After that day, I resolved to always play against Jonathan so that even if I was terrible, at least I wouldn't let him down. Ironically, to this day he has never belittled me or made me feel less than when I have messed up. Leanne always seemed afraid of Ron. He was clearly narcissistic and definitely was persistent in pushing for what he wanted. In therapy Leanne learned to quit giving into all the minute changes that Ron wanted. She had her lawyer send him a letter reminding him of their original parenting agreement, and she quit responding to his requests for changes. When the kids wanted to do special things on Dad's parenting time, she coached them to work that out with him. Within six months, the number of communications between Leanne and Ron had decreased 80 percent, and Leanne's anxiety was greatly reduced. She even found time and energy to do social activities when her kids were with their dad, because she was no longer worrying about what would happen next. It's OK Not to Care It is definitely OK not to care about the narcissist any longer. You broke up. Be incredible. This is not It's simply where it takes You don't have to be young. You don't have to be thin.