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Spondyloarthropathies. Average age at onset: 20-40. Characterisitics: spinal inflammation and pain, often causing postural changes. Average age at onset: 40-43. Character-istics: sudden severe pain and swelling of a large joint, usually the big toe. Average age at onset: 18-50. I don't feel any connection to him. His children do not understand why Daddy seems incapable of playing with them. They know only that, emotionally, Daddy rarely seems there--as if they have no father. Mother was so sarcastic, says a thirty-one-year-old female nurse. She had a tongue that could kill. When I was a small child, I couldn't handle that. I cried so much. I cringe when I think of myself at age three, four, five. But any number of her patients have complained about her brusque manner and her occasional biting remarks. She knows she tends to be disliked but is mystified as to why. Try to let those questions go. Instead, focus on these questions: What, now, can you do for yourself? Lots of rest? Grief counseling?

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