But don't act out your rage toward anyone, including yourself. You deserve better than to act on it and then endure the consequences. SIDEWAYS ANGER Often anger becomes sideways or passive-aggressive. Sideways anger occurs when you act it out and then deny it, or you act out in revenge and end up hurting yourself more than him. Your expressions of anger toward the addict can range from threats, screaming, and blaming to giving him the cold shoulder. You may deflect it toward others, often the innocent. In the long run it doesn't make the difference you are hoping for and only creates further chaos. But there is no app or device that offers a magic bullet. What's needed is a commitment to overall health and daily awareness of what's working, what's not, and how we can do better. All of these stars are at the pinnacle of their sports, yet none of them can do without the daily guidance of their expert coaches, not to mention the physical therapists, masseurs, nutritionists, and other support staff who help them reach even greater heights every time an Olympic final, world championship, or World Cup rolls around. So at what point did the rest of us decide that cutting coaches out of the picture and replacing them with a wearable was a good idea? You're trading years of expertise for a device that advises you based on an unsensing, unknowing algorithm. Do you think the best athletes in the world would entrust their success to the whims of a machine? Then why would you? Coaching or technology doesn't have to be an either/or choice. But while coaching without technology can provide lasting value, technology without coaching does not, at least not if your goal is to improve health, fitness, and performance over the long term. A discerning coach will use devices discerningly when they're necessary. All of these circumstances are a result of us not caring enough, and as a result, living pathetically apathetic lives. We keep regressing to a low-standard mean in life.

All the self-help articles. Are we good people? As I defined in the Introduction, I believe you're a good person if you live a very intentional life, a life that's dedicated to improving yourself and the world around you. It's not about humanitarian projects. It's not about how many donations you give or how charitable you are. I'm not trying to make you a martyr for a cause. I'm simply illustrating that there are very clear differences between an apathetic person and a person who cares about what they're doing with their life. While you could skip to article 9 and read more details about the specific steps to implement, I encourage you to read through these next few articles. Here is how the following partners describe their experiences with sideways anger: I wanted revenge. I wanted him to be shamed and humiliated. I wanted people to be angry with him and see him as a bad person. In the moment I felt glorious and empowered. But it made no difference other than to scare people away from me in my anger. Sometimes I would surprise him in some humiliating form, but other times I just kept quiet and stored the information to use it as ammunition down the road. It's so easy to direct blatant or sideways anger toward a third party. You'd rather not hold your partner accountable. It is almost as if the addict is the victim of the situation, victimized by the very person he acts out with. But they're employed as part of a broader solution, not as a cure-all. In this article, we'll explore the pitfalls of trying to replace a real coach with an electronic substitute, whether that's a fitness tracker, online app, or coach in your ear that uses an algorithm to try to connect a small number of biometrics with how much longer and harder you should train.

We'll also look at the intangibles coaches offer that no technology can replicate, from an expert eye to mentoring to a holistic approach to improving your lifestyle, and more. You'll see how it doesn't need to be an either/or choice when it comes to coaching and fitness tech; Let Your Coach Be Your Guide In the age of the quantified self, we've taken to outsourcing fitness and health guidance to devices and software. Whether intentional or not, this has led to the devaluation of coaching. As technology temporarily relieves us from our decision fatigue and the two-way investment that coaching entails, many people have decided that a wearable is a viable option, or even a better one. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the eyes of an expert coach who has amassed years of experience can spot flaws in our technique far more readily and instinctually than any piece of clothing with a chip embedded in it or four-dimensional video analysis, and can find problems in our programming that no algorithm would ever detect. Before you even think about making enhancements to your life, it's pivotal to understand how we got here. Where's the disconnect? Why do people keep falling into this cycle of unmet, hopeful expectations in life? I break this down into four core areas of concern that cause us to be collectively apathetic. Because, it's more than just a you problem--we're all pathetically apathetic. Trust: The First Dysfunction The Enormous Problem With Saving the World Obsession is Weird Environment and the Mentorship Gap Trust: The First Dysfunction Getting angry with the addict can be threatening to you as you may fear it will push him away when that is not what you want, you really just want him to stop. I spent years being angry with the other women.

My husband was a doctor, and in my mind the nurses were always throwing themselves at him. It seemed that every time I became aware of another woman--and they have been in our lives all of our forty years together--I was into another pregnancy or had my own health problem. The timing was such that I thought I needed him, and that meant being angry with someone other than him. Besides, if I got angry with him, maybe that would push him more toward them. Most of the time my anger was with my husband unless I knew the other woman. Then it was as if I thought she had assaulted him and he had no part in it. I would switch my emotional alliances back and forth between my husband and the woman, seeing one as the victim of the other. ANGER AVOIDANCE This is why I believe that once the backlash against outsourcing our wellness to technology has had time to gather momentum, we'll see a resurgence in engagement with coaches and trainers. Another factor will be the realization that we need greater connection with other people and less with the gadgets that have isolated us. But this can only happen if we recognize that our wearables and smart devices will always have limitations and leave gaps that only human beings, with their combination of experience, instincts, and judgment, can truly fill. In connecting with people instead, we'll tap into a deeper well of performance than any technology can offer. That said, coaches can make effective use of the latest technology within their evidence-based programming approach. When my wife, Erin, decided to come out of competitive retirement to help a friend whose rowing pairs partner dropped out due to injury, she was many miles away from her coach. So she used the Concept2 rowing machine to monitor her workouts, took a photo of her stats after each session, and sent it to her coach to show how she'd done against that day's targets. This proved very effective at overcoming the physical distance between Erin and Tom and enabling him to assess her progress and make on-the-fly adjustments to her personalized program as needed. So my point is that we shouldn't cut the cord on technology completely but rather reintegrate it into sensible, holistic coach-athlete relationships as just another arrow in our quiver, instead of the main thing that monitors, directs, and instructs us. Believe What You See The Five Dysfunctions of a Team was a article written by Patrick Lencioni, a business consultant and public speaker. It's been on the best selling lists for The New York Times, Business Week, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today.

The article has sold over three million copies and continues to be a hallmark piece of literature in the business world and in team building. The story details a company (DecisionTech) with talented colleagues, but they all work in a company that isn't meeting their hype. They are falling behind competitors who shouldn't be beating them. An outside source, Kathryn, with decades of experience managing teams, comes in to serve as CEO in this challenging time for the company. She was actually called in by the company's current CEO, Jeff, to take the mantle. After her observations during the first month or so, she decides to call an off-site retreat for a weekend with the key team members for the tech company. She's using this retreat to focus on some key issues the team is facing. Kathryn details that there are five dysfunctions with the current team, explaining why their competitors continue to beat them. Reactivity on the part of partners can be identified as a fight or flight response. When it comes to anger, blatant rage is clearly the fight, and sideways anger a more subtle form of fight. A flight response is often demonstrated when searching for a way to medicate your pain, often through food, alcohol or other drugs, or some form of behavior that allows you disconnection. If you find yourself incapable of feeling angry, feeling more a sense of defeat or numbness, you are in a freeze reaction. Some partners say they just don't feel angry; They may acknowledge that they should feel angry but aren't. For many women, avoidance is a learned response to stress over time; It is often a part of low-grade chronic depression (dysthymia) or major depression. You may have learned that by responding to a bad situation with judicious anger you didn't change the predicament; When anger doesn't restore your sense of control over the environment you eventually begin to feel apathetic; When Andy started working with some UFC fighters a few years back, he watched them practice, and when they asked him what their main weakness was he told them simply, You're not producing enough power and you're not explosive. Perhaps predictably, these tough young men, all hopped up on testosterone after a couple of hours of grappling, were incredulous.