Remember to feel good

On and on it goes as you march up the driveway, steeling yourself for the conversation to be had when you unlock the door and sneak inside with the Tupperware (let's be honest) you never really needed. As we've seen, sweet foods throw your blood sugar out of balance and …

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Skillpower, Not Willpower

Even then, however, you may need herbal, nutritional, or hormonal support. I think I can pick them out, but I'm not totally sure. There are adult children with their children in the audience with me, watching Grandma, or possibly Great-Grandma, having fun, making something beautiful, and belonging. Sitting in that …

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Guide Your Success Instincts

? Brad knew exactly what kind of mood he was hurling that turd into. And even though it made him look mean, and stirred all kinds of self-pitying, he was willing to hurt himself to upset Joe. But was Joe hurt? Maybe he would have been a year ago, when Brad …

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What, Me Worry?

Self rides in the chariot of the body, intellect the firm-footed charioteer, discursive mind the reins. There is another way. One of the most popular narratives in psychology is that we ought to protect ourselves from other people's toxicity--their selfishness, narcissism, and entitlement. But what about protecting ourselves from the …

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Create Activity Momentum

As decades have passed, I have seen time and again how even a little of this consciousness, presence and wisdom is utterly transformative. Everything you think and feel about them is probably awfully similar to what they think and feel about you. So, go ahead and say hello. You're also …

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Turn Down the Heat, Turn Up Your Energy

The further back the arrow is pulled on the string, the further and straighter the arrow travels towards its target. You start mumbling and giving them dirty looks. You call someone a jerk. You tell yourself all these people are entitled, selfish, narcissistic assholes who, when they come close to …

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What areas would you want to be direct about?

Be deferential, err on the far side of polite, offer to help, assume you should leave your well-cleaned shoes by the door and most definitely turn off your phone. Our insurance must pay for it, whether or not it was a preexisting condition. As a country, we need to stop …

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I do my thing and you do your thing

. Unfortunately, it will never reach its intended audience. . People often believe they have no choice or have to do something because some loud part of them insists it's so. In the midst of such racket, quiet intuitive feelings from the center are easily overlooked. But with practice, one can learn …

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Make decisions by indecision

A man who has been in AA for over three decades said that the community of men has been crucial in supporting each other in their relationships with intimate partners. It takes talking to other men to get the emotional grounding that we all are dealing with the same kind …

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Let yourself be exploited by others

We built a fire. Drank beer. And told the story of the day over and over again to ourselves--embroidering liberally as we went. First, I insisted that the group hear my version, which stressed the inevitability of the event--given Seth's moodiness and the probability that he was still wrecked from …

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A daily practice to change your life

They have experienced very little apparent logic or consistency in their wee emotional lives. In the literature, we are told that these children have been observed turning in circles, approaching and then avoiding the parent, or entering a trance-like state of `freezing' or stillness. The disorganized child, in the most …

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Bartering your time

Plus an accounting of every penny she spent in the last years of her life. ) Yes, my mother would have been a terrific queen. Beloved by her subjects, I'm sure--as she was beloved by so many who knew her. Who could aspire to more than that? She was there for …

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Conscious breathing

This form of attachment is not a good outcome for any child. Here, the parents are emotionally unavailable, imperceptive, and unresponsive. They are distant, and we are told by students of attachment theory that they manifest neglecting or outright rejecting behaviors. Most crucially: they are insensitive to the child's state …

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The new personal cost-benefit analysis

This can be a virtuous circle of increasing rapport and empathy or a downward spiral of fewer and fewer productive behaviours. This process occurs quickly, often outside our conscious control. However, if we pause to think, we can choose our response. Knowing about the styles is a shortcut to appreciating …

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To help you sleep

They also suggested flagging' that she was going to say something important by starting assertively with a phrase such asI have a very good idea-would you like to hear it? ' This case illustrates that you can't change other people's behaviour - you can only change your own, but by changing …

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Installing a cooling system

'19 They also recommend several key staples of good fitness, including moderate-to-vigorous cardiovascular/aerobic exercise, stretching and flexibility exercises, and even the development and maintenance of total body strength across a life span (though the overall emphasis still seems to be on cardiovascular health). According to Todd Miller, an associate …

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Relationships and anxiety

Then she said, 'I've got something to tell you. Such exertion limits the resulting payload of amino acids, fatty acids, and sugars entering our bloodstream, with the process taking enough time so that our hunger can naturally subside as we experience 'satiation' (the desire to no longer eat). These diets …

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Make one nonverbal change

Awareness of this pattern is the path to liberation from it. We all desire to minimize our stress and suffering; we desire peace. We try to find the solution to the problem we see as the cause of stress. We try to avoid situations that are stressful. We attempt to …

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Everyone makes mistakes

If you can't manage three minutes, just feel three breaths before diving in. Between activities. Resting between your daily activities, even for just a few moments, is very nourishing. Feeling your breath and renewing yourself is very pleasant. Research has found that just three mindful breaths can change your body's …

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Keep your mind sharp

In some cases, for example, the core has a whole separate house of her own, not just a study in the main house. If a patient already has a safe place, I often suggest that she lift it into the new Safe Place. One patient created a whole amusement park …

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Letting go of unhelpful perfectionism

A tennis match, a guided tour of a natural park or city, a bike ride or bowling. On average, the most sedentary people make between 2000 and 3000 steps per day. By adding 2000 steps daily, you could manage to maintain your current weight and stop weight gain. Add more …

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Surround yourself with positive and like-minded people

You experience unpleasant physiological, psychological, and/or emotional symptoms. You experience trauma at the thought or reality of separating from your addiction. You become angry, justify your right to have or use it, and act out to preserve your right to do what you want. If you had to flee …

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Someone who makes me feel good about myself

If you value the relationship more, you may let go of the attempt to make her stop smoking. These choices are not easy, but you can approach them assertively. This negative self-talk is very damaging and we do it a lot. It just keeps eroding our morale, damaging our self-esteem …

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Challenge your thinking patterns

One of her strongest memories from childhood was of being told, over and over, "You can do better than this!" And she could have done better, if she hadn't had ADD. But whatever she did was never good enough. She has a severe problem finishing things and with organizing. Wilton …

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Build a friendly mind-set

Given the enormous influence others have on our actions, how can we manage distraction around those with whom we want to spend uninterrupted quality time? How do we change our tendencies toward distraction when those around us haven't changed theirs? Essayist and investor Paul Graham writes that societies tend to …

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Learning new skills

They asked people with different backgrounds to accurately predict the British economy ten years into the future. Who won? A group of sanitation workers tied for first place with a panel of four chairman of multinational firms.48 Once again, the amount of knowledge we have in a certain area …

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Short attention span and inattention

One antidepressant made my eyes dilate to such an extent that my vision became blurred. I was then put on another that caused such terrible stomach upset, that I'll trust you'd rather not know the details. Another medication, one that was supposedly tailor-made for anxiety, produced the side effect of …

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The confidence machine

As you are putting your plan into action, making new choices that will empower you to handle stress better, there will be days when you fall back into old habits. Whether you binge on comfort food, say yes to too many commitments, stay up half the night watching mindless TV …

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