What are your approval-seeking ways?

Most importantly, as I have said, we have had the experience of feeling safely held and soothed, and feeling felt. We have laid the groundwork for some new magic. Then, with the best friend--with Seth--comes something new: Not only do I feel felt by Seth, but I feel him. And …

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We are becoming less happy

Avoid appearing as though you are prevaricating or delaying unnecessarily. Mobilisers do not require too much explanation - they prefer you to get to the point, and if they want to know your reasoning, they will ask for it. Navigators and Synthesisers tend to speak in a measured or patient way …

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The overcompensation syndrome

This included no fewer than two sets of twins--of which, of course, my sister Sandy and I were one. I have two younger sisters, who are also twins. And an older brother. So: our mother was only intermittently responsive. Of course your mother was intermittently available, you might respond quite …

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Your sleep environment

But at least we haven't given up. We've had a taste of rowing in Eden. I have heard stories of people (E. M. Forster is himself a great example) who have waited into their forties, fifties, or sixties to find a container, to find the reparative attachment experience. Why am …

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We need to become self-aware

Without awareness, this underlying experience is hard to identify. But if you can pause and explore what underpins your thinking, you can better address the root of the problem rather than its symptoms. Because we are good at lists. Before you laugh, tell me you haven't had at least one …

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Balancing the seesaw

we are not in touch with what we really desire, what is deeply satisfying. If we sit down and really think about this, we often discover that what we really want it is not what we usually think we want, or that which we have simply accepted. If we ask …

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Building an emotional elevator

Making decisions is, for many people, a cause of serious stress. If you want to make quick, clear and effective decisions, decisions you can stand fully behind, you must first determine where a decision will lead you and at which goal you want to direct your energy. You remove a …

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Body language

In a series of studies, they found that cardiorespiratory endurance--how fit our heart, lungs, blood, and muscles are--has a positive effect on our brain function, and that better cardiorespiratory fitness is related to better outcomes in people with neurodegenerative disorders. They have also shown that 6 months of exercise training …

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Getting on my nerves

' When I put myself in the shoes of the person on the other side of my arguing and thought about how they might receive my unrelenting debate, it gave me pause. Let your frazzled brainwaves settle, and just be. Give yourself some love. And then some more. There is no …

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The anxious brain

As I will explain more fully later, taking part in any kind of art program, including the nonvisual arts of music, dance, and theater, can improve your health, your outlook, and your resilience. Important implications flow from these two studies, both for private citizens and for those responsible for supporting …

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It is usually best to take a direct approach

Are you prepared to approach the information, suggestions, and exercises in this article with an open mind? Is it possible you'll benefit from trying the strategies to help you manage anxiety? In your notearticle, write down your answers to these questions: What would you like to tell yourself about paying …

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You don't know everything, and you don't have to

Many of our greatest minds understood this. Renowned painter Salvador Dali advised, "Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it." Philosopher Immanuel Kant noted, "Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made." If these great icons understood that perfection is not possible, why do …

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Go for good enough

First, if you eat infrequently, as shown in the top diagram above, your body slows down fat burning while ramping up fat storage. Similar problems occur when you eat foods that turn off the metabolic thermostat. Essentially, your body begins to sense that you are starving (for lack of nutrients …

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Agree where you can

But, these are not your life. Just parts of it. You are an expert on one thing in the Universe. YOU. Who else, after all, could you ask if you want to find out what makes you happy? So what does make you happy? The things that you have come …

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Have a contingency plan

Looking in the mirror and facing our standards and goals by looking in the eye would help weight loss. In this way, it is easier to stop eating and remember why you want to lose weight. The Disease Control Center in the United States has revealed that simply climbing up …

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Be aware of your thoughts, feelings and responses

This step requires asking the question, "What experiences have I had to support the healthier and more productive view I discerned in Step Five?" After all the feelings are sorted out comes the moment when the truth is told. Admitting that your feelings are yours, owning them as your reality …

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How to overcome a fear of failure

A sixteenth-century philosopher who laid the foundations of scientific inquiry, Bacon advises us to clear our minds of certain preconceptions that can destroy our ability to think objectively. Within the general structure of my life I also have some schedules. Life goes better if I stick to a schedule. This …

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Take care of your safety

If we have ADD, we generally have a shortened attention span, although if something has really turned on our focus center we may be able to stick with it for a long time. We're on a roll. We're in hyper-focus. What did you tell yourself about yourself? Were you self-critical …

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Select healthy coping skills

Brain freeze may be new to you, but it's a significant problem if you have it. Let's go through these problems and, of course, some strategies for coping with them. That was slow and laborious. Then I realized I could use the "find and replace" tool in Microsoft Word. I …

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Don't normalize stress

Able to run 14 apps at a time and effortlessly switch between each without breaking a sweat. Able to do several projects at a time with ease. You're able to keep going on a project (if it's interesting, ADDers are more into creative and entrepreneurial activities than clerical and repetitive …

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Dealing with someone who is not cooperating

For example, I have had students as well as clients who were afraid to try to succeed because they feared that they would fail, which was worse than actually trying and failing. They never excelled in anything because they never even tried to do so, despite their often strong potential …

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Don't let physical limitations stop you

Not being able to see didn't help either. The vision problem has nothing to do with ADD, unless there's some brain damage affecting both, which I doubt. With no fine motor coordination nor ability to see, I couldn't play baseball or basketball, but I could play in the line, somewhat …

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Having to take charge

Do you let others know how you are feeling on the inside? Do you ever look for something you have done wrong, thinking that there must be something? If so, give an example. Do you ever feel like you are putting one over on others who are impressed with you …

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Asking someone to change their behaviour

But if you take the time to calm your body down, turn off your fear-based reactive brain, and turn on your thinking brain, you will be in a much better place to respond to the specific event that triggered your anxiety. The key is "think small." In fact, the smaller …

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Acknowledging the problem

I just finished reading about this guy!" These two men are close in age, good athletes, intelligent, and have frustrated parents who are sometimes critical and tired of supporting them. Both men have difficulty with bosses, with holding a job, and with finding a field that works for them. This …

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Personal and professional training

In each of these instances, your fear-threat system -- the part of your brain that is supposed to help you respond to imminent threats to your health and safety -- is actually being hijacked by something that may be concerning but is certainly not an imminent threat. What difference does this make …

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Dealing with disappointments and setbacks

In this case, return to normalcy or homeostasis is linked to getting rid of the stressor--namely, eliminating the lack of approval. Anxiety, on the other hand, is akin to suffering a pinched nerve in the brain's fear-threat system. The pain is real enough, but it's the result of something happening …

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Boosting self esteem

Are they accurate? Professor Stephen Schnaars of Baruch College analyzed the forecasts published between 1959 and 1989 in sources like the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and Business Week, and found that they were wrong about 80 percent of the time. The predictions of major think tanks fair …

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Move towards the things that matter

Remember, you're not trying to eliminate your tasks, but to develop the willingness to simply reduce the number of tasks that await you. Numerous research studies have consistently shown that well over 90 percent of all people who committed suicide or attempted it were suffering from some form of mental …

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