I Did Not Choose This

Just as there is a distinction between the social drinker and the alcoholic, there is a distinction between the person who has one affair and the person who repeatedly has affairs even when a job or marriage may be in jeopardy. Not everyone who has affairs, participates in unsafe sex …

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Who feels good?

Addiction is not about substances or behaviors, but is about disrupting the processing of pleasure; Science also tells us that stress alters the way we think. Parts of the brain that help us problem-solve shut down at times of stress, fueling impulsive behavior. When this behavior becomes excessive, the brain …

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How do you plan to do that?

What if a VR simulation came out that offered an immersive experience that mimicked the sensory and motor involvement of real contact, without actual collision forces? Such a game could provide haptic feedback for when a fighter took a punch, but this could be vibrational and nondamaging. This would enable …

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Neuroplasticity

What shocked him was the gulf between this and their cardiopulmonary health, which he found languishing in the fortieth percentile. He then dug deeper and evaluated their heart and lung health separately, something few people even consider doing. Frank discovered that many players' lungs were lagging far behind their hearts …

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Introduction

I was quickly told by both my husband and the therapist that I was projecting the behaviors I had experienced with my two previous husbands onto my fiance, a very successful and upstanding man. Having a history of being willing to trust others rather than myself, I unquestioningly went on …

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The Parent Pet Trap

But really, we can recognize so-called good people in our lives, right? These are the folks that volunteer for unpaid projects and charities. They post online about doing benefit relief trips. They are probably firefighters or policemen or veterans or something else seemingly noble. They share experiences that end up …

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What's wrong with me?

My marriage would not be blessed as I had willed it to be. Over the years I would find out about things that were going on. Women would call my house and tell me things about my husband. Or someone at his work would pull me aside and tell me …

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Stay sharp and focused

Here's the deal: most people are apathetic. It's more than just not caring about some kid in Africa. It's an apathy that's deep within our society and accepted by everyone. There's a cognitive dissonance, a conflict within ourselves, that we all suffer from. We keep coming up with great ideas …

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To escape the threat

Odds are you are accustomed to being seen for your gender identity and aren't concerned that someone will wrongly project their ideas about gender onto you. It's common for people with privilege to believe that their experiences are universal and not be aware that others have very different experiences. Not …

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Be patient

Yet when the behavior is addictive, women whose husbands are engaged in non-physical sex addiction such as pornography, voyeurism, and exhibitionism say they feel the betrayal, the humiliation, and the shame as do those whose partners are engaged in sexual behavior that has become physically intimate with others. Use of …

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I do not stop eating when I am full

In fact, you could even make this a golden rule for yourself, and, if you're feeling empowered, you can ask those you're with to do the same. You can back up your request with the knowledge you've gained by reading this article. For instance, we now know the importance of …

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I am generous with handicapped people

Self-love alone cannot fix that. The body positivity movement's narrow focus means its tools can't work as predicted--or at all. Yes, we all need self-love to cope with body shaming and to resist internalizing it, yet self-love is not the cure but the response. All the self-love in the world …

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The Developing Brain

They're often the ones who have the most engaged fans, too, because we want our athletes to be real people we can relate to. So even if you're an accomplished competitor, you might want to assess how many of your posts relate to your sport, what you're projecting to the …

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What changes do I now have to face?

But one day I had an epiphany, and just like that, me and heart rate monitoring were through. A friend of mine wanted to start doing triathlons and asked me to go running with him. I readily agreed, and we set off for a ten-mile loop around Newport Beach's Back …

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Another Time

Investigators gradually increased the temperature under the rodents' paws until they moved away. That was each rat's pain threshold, and they made note of it. Next, they ran the experiment with two rats side by side and saw that when both rats were exposed to the heat, it could lower …

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I have no discipline

If learning which variation of this exercise better activates your glutes gets you back on the basketball court five days earlier than expected, then perhaps you should keep using the shorts. If not, then it'd be better for you to set this $700 item aside and instead defer to the …

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My Feelings and Hobbies

You are biologically wired to need connection. So of course, rejection is going to hurt. Your natural response might be self-criticism. Try not to go down that path. What I try to do is notice it, label it--Oh, there's that same old story again--and then let it go. REAL BUT …

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My advice to my adolescent self?

This type of finding appears to support our clinical and theoretical hypothesis that the individual may deny experiences to awareness without ever having been conscious of them. There is at least a process of subception, a discriminating evaluative physiological organismic response to experience, which may precede the conscious perception of …

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What are your current strengths?

The digital world can be a space of incredible resources and learning opportunities, but it also opens us to the challenges of its intended and unintentional effects on our emotional well-being. Keep up-to-date regarding technology's ability to alter reality--for example, the availability of certain filters and photoshopping capacities--so that you're …

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Afraid of not being able to buy what I need

Yes, we instinctively want to protect ourselves, but then we begin to see that being defended--building an emotional moat and walling ourselves up inside--also isn't safe. It's a false refuge, as described by psychologist, author, and meditation instructor Tara Brach. By blocking out vulnerability, we also block out joy and …

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We start at the bottom and climb up

Certain results then follow in the development of the ordinary child. One result is a denial in awareness of the satisfactions that were experienced. The other is to distort the symbolization of the experience of the parents. The accurate symbolization would be: I perceive my parents as experiencing this behavior …

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What Is Freedom?

These untested perceptions are also a part of our personal reality, and may have as much authority as those which have been checked. That the perceptual field is the reality to which the individual reacts is often strikingly illustrated in therapy, where it is frequently evident that when the perception …

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Eyes, Empathy, Encouragement (Oh My!)

I had no idea who she was, but her account contained enough details to convince me we'd hung out. I remember those clubs, though I thought I went alone. I visited them to meet my cocaine connection, who also happened to be a sex worker. On two occasions, showing up …

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What would you do in each situation?

It was a bit hard for me and my friends to roll with his social gaffes when we first met him, as he inadvertently insulted several people, much to his partner's chagrin. Over time we've come to accept that it's simply part of his makeup. When he says or does …

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Your friend isn't talking much

It is possible that, because psychologists feel secure in regard to their work in diagnosis, and somewhat insecure in the newer field of therapy, they tend to postpone its consideration. As to the third reason, (c), most psychiatrists regard it as extremely unfortunate that the medical student receives so little …

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I'm OK just the way I am

For example, right here in section 1094b and 1095a in my reprint, I've underlined them. His first sentence starts with Now, the second says, and further. This remark was designed to understand the feeling and to clarify the idea expressed by Mr C in such a way that he realized …

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It's you against the problem, not each other

This includes the world around you, outside of your home. It involves an engagement with your community, social life, clubs, activities--whatever you do that is rewarding and that connects you with people you enjoy being with. On Level Three, we get all kinds of the positives we're looking to load …

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Avoid Over-Planning

The activity of the leader developed in the direction of sensitive recognition of the attitudes and ideas expressed by the members of the group. This involved an understanding of the needs of the members of the group, and a positive judgment to avoid participation when the interaction between the group …

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Love is actually conditional

Many of us had a hard time getting rid of this dependence. Some never did. As for me, I waddled along for the first three or four weeks rather confused and sometimes indifferent. Later I began reading and thinking about this and that in therapy. Instead, look for strategies to …

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