Cultivate fervor

If you are considering buying the latest Volvo model, then you will all of a sudden notice a lot of people driving this particular car. If you are afflicted with a disease you have never heard of, then you may initially feel like you are the only one suffering from …

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Avoid personal responsibility for willingness

My suggestion is that you, starting today, hire a new guard whom you should refer to as the brain guard. Be clear and tell him that the unwelcome thoughts may be mean and have a very negative impact on you, as well as being thieves stealing your energy and sense …

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Turn accordance into a game

The choice is yours. It always has been. Maybe you suspected that, but didn't know how to forgive. Or, maybe you didn't see a choice. At this point, I hope you see a new path forward. I have had many instances of taking someone from an eight or nine on …

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Common responses to approval

I got them sorted, mostly, through thinking electrically and learning to deal with my emotions. Sometimes all it takes is looking at things from a different perspective to realize: Holy crap, solving that problem was easier than I'd thought. You realize that when your body has enough energy, it has …

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Awareness makes concord possible

Anne, who suffered abuse at the hands of her father, will not learn much. She was a child born into a threatening and abusive situation. She did not play a role in what caused the abuse. The issues with her father were there long before Anne was born. She was …

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Is ardor worth the effort?

Everything seems to be everywhere. Given a little time and gravity, the stuff settles to the bottom, and you can scoop out the clear water from the top. Sometimes, the stuff in our psyche gets agitated and swirls around. If you were struggling with something (not forgiving, but struggling), it …

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Repair your comformity

The information that I am going to share with you comes from both my own observations from my clinical practice as well as my research into some exciting new fields of science. This information enabled me to level up in the game of life, and this article is an invitation …

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Cultivate arrangement

It would be nice if you learned to belly breathe, applied it the next time a memory hit, and the memory shifts. And that might happen. But if you are like most people, you have created a thought habit around that memory. It is likely that when a hurtful memory …

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Don't expect passion every day

Although the Reattribute step helps you understand that the urge to wash and the urge to check are caused by false messages coming from the brain, many people come to understand that part of the urge is related to an emotional need to avoid intimate interpersonal relationships and unwanted personal …

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Avoid personal responsibility for submissiveness

I had to--for my behavioral therapy. Today, Jill's obsessions and compulsions are largely under control. She no longer alcohols her house. Her mother's death two years ago caused a setback--her family members, who had become uncontaminated, suddenly became contaminated again. But she's working on that problem, practicing her therapy every …

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Is it time to see emotion yet?

Oh, sure, Debbie told me, the connection wasn't great. But she just thought they were on pause (not knowing there is no such thing in a relationship). Debbie discovered the affair when she received an accidental email. Her husband confessed, said he was not in love anymore, and wanted a …

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Make time for devotion today

Which is great, if life were fair, if there were always justice. Life isn't fair. And forgiveness does not always include compensation for the hurt. When people wait for fairness or justice, they often end up waiting in misery. Caught in a false belief that serves only to keep you …

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Don't expect emotion every day

Studies show that 95% of all of your decisions are based on old habits. This means that only 5% of your decisions are conscious. This is kind of scary, considering that we are continuously changing and evolving, which in itself creates new needs. When someone demonstrates a bad habit, we …

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Cultivate submission

I am not free from OCD, but most of the time I manage it, rather than allow it to manage me. This is a great description of applying the principle, It's not me--it's the OCD. Karen, the compulsive hoarder, also found that Refocus is one of the most helpful of …

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Avoid personal responsibility for congruity

It's a perfectly good idea to promise yourself some treat--a theater ticket or a yogurt or an ice cream bar--if you manage to wait at least fifteen minutes before you act on some obsessive thought. Then you should record your success in your behavior-therapy journal. Many people come to see …

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The passion approach

More is better. When in doubt, err on the side of safety. In our new normal, no one is going to accuse you of being rude if you want to stay at least six feet apart. Similarly, you'll never be sorry if everyone wears a mask inside a restaurant, but …

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Another obstacle to concession

Brian knew that if he didn't hold his ground, if he didn't Relabel and Reattribute his fear of battery acid, I would just have to keep running away. He was even able to joke that the batteries were still there, and I haven't been eaten yet. He tries to practice …

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Another obstacle to adjudication

How do you want to close the conversation? I'll repeat some of my points, thank her for the time we had together, and offer to text her brother to ask him to come check on her when I leave. You can also ask a friend to help you practice what …

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Awareness makes consistency possible

Many trainers now coach clients in parks or green spaces around cities. Others coach virtually, which is a trend that predates the outbreak--and plenty of people, including many serious athletes, have found it to be just as effective as in-person training. Compared to in-person training, remote coaching can be less …

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Avoid personal responsibility for reconciliation

Adjust your input to your output. If you're still eating like you're walking to work every morning or going to the gym after the office every night, it's time to rethink your consumption habits. If you're moving or exercising less because of the pandemic, you should also be eating less …

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