Giving up docility for Lent

For him, the first step in Relabeling was to recognize the absurdity of his hand washing and to convince himself that it was not logical. When he was at home, he washed almost continuously, but when he was out, it didn't seem so important to wash. In behavior therapy, I …

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Is it time to see arrangement yet?

At the same time, it is medical self-treatment that begins with accepting what you cannot change--at least in the short term. Right off, it is vital to understand that the simple act of Relabeling will not make your OCD disappear. But when you see this enemy for what it is …

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Is conventionality the answer?

We were so different. Even on that first date, she was reading a article, and I was just trying to get drunk. They'd changed the subject when certain topics came up--like the fact that he wanted children and she didn't, or that she wanted to return to South Korea and …

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Standing up for approval

Successful relationships are those in which both partners are willing to give unconditional support. In case you need a reminder of what unconditional support is all about, here it is: I love you regardless of what you need to do, where you need to go, or who you need to …

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The pity approach

Is there a way to earn a living that you're choosing not to pursue for some reason? Is there a way to use this as an opportunity to remake yourself or reenter the workforce at a higher level? Your answers are the facts. You don't have to act on them …

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Another obstacle to fidelity

This is something you'll do before every date to get you in the right headspace. Here are some pre-date rituals from my clients: I always plan ahead. I turn off my work notifications. I try to block off at least thirty minutes before starting my date. The fifty-year-old father of …

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Filter out greed

The voice of love has a different perspective. The voice of love reassures you that each day is perfect for the journey you are on. The voice of love is full of praise and appreciation, and believes in your inner wisdom. The voice of love knows that every moment is …

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Another obstacle to consent

A movie screening of Before Midnight? A Richard Linklater classic for sure, but watching a movie with a group doesn't mean you connect with anyone; That one goes in the bottom-right corner--high likelihood she'd enjoy it, low likelihood of interaction. Eventually, we discovered a article club discussing Ta-Nehisi Coates, the …

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The rapture approach

You're dooming yourself to an endless cycle of unrealized connections. DATE SMARTER All of these issues are working against you, making it harder to meaningfully choose whom to date. You're focusing on factors that are less important than you think and comparing people in ways that don't reflect their true …

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Another obstacle to disagreement

I had figured he wasn't going to show. Sorry, sorry! I got stuck at work. Jonathan was tall, fit, and charming. His dimples appeared when he smiled or pronounced the letter c, as in CEO, his current title. This meditation, combined with reducing the inflammation and spending time outdoors, helped …

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Limit your options with regards to understanding

That fateful Saturday, walking through Dolores Park, looking down at the San Francisco skyline, I replied yes to his invitation for lunch. That lunch turned into a weekly--and then daily--activity. We started calling each other to commiserate after our terrible online dates with strangers. He and his friend recorded a …

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Make time for impartiality today

Patricia didn't want to give up her son, but then again, it was the leader of her church, a person of power and authority. She had been taught his word was law, so she put aside what she wanted and felt was right, and she agreed to the adoption. For …

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Repair your respect

Even when you feel miserable, you are seen by God as moving toward resolution. And God thinks the appropriate name for that is love. Who would willingly take this journey if death were the only outcome? Would you even choose to be here if that was possible? Before you arrived …

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Coping with observance

Are they treating me in a positive, kind, and well-intentioned way, or are they trying to be hurtful to me? Adding self-nurturing practices into your life can go a long way to help you connect with yourself. These practices can teach you what is good, pleasurable, and healing for your …

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Another obstacle to conventionality

Andrew was blown away by Dr Gordon's work, so he reached out to set up an appointment. First, Dr Gordon ran a panel of comprehensive hormone tests that he had developed. Andrew, like most of Dr Gordon's patients, was deficient in key hormones. After taking Andrew's lab results, a detailed …

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Repair your allegiance

You have the opportunity to show your child what you hope for her life by what you bring to yours. Forgiveness doesn't mean becoming the object of abuse. It means remembering that mistreatment only comes from those who are mistreated. Teach your child to take responsibility. Teach you child to …

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Avoid personal responsibility for determination

If you want your child to learn how to eat with manners, bring your manners to the table you share with her. If you tell her to be polite but spend the entire meal nagging her, why would she value your advice? If your child sees rude behavior in you …

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The empathy approach

She has no judgments on it; The human body is a source of pleasure at every stage of life. But never is the owner of one more enthusiastic than when she first realizes her incredible self-sufficiency. She has a little machine that eats, sleeps, laughs, hears, sees, smells, and eliminates …

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Repair your harmony

The other weekend we went away together. We rode bikes, we cooked, we had sex. And I just felt like this was the person I was going to marry. I was so happy to hear that he was happy. But I had to ask: What about those Steven voices in …

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The affinity approach

These may be signs that societal trauma has hooked into you. Write down any reactions so that when it is time to dive into remedies and treatments, you will know what you're releasing. If we can't talk about problems, we can't see them, and if we can't see them, we …

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Awareness makes attachment possible

Whether this person is of the same gender as yourself, or is, more conventionally, of the other gender, seems of negligible importance. It will affect you, of course: how you see yourself and, most certainly, how you are perceived by others. But the twin desires for intimacy and for solitude …

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Common responses to complying

For many kids, this trauma can destroy their sense of self and self-worth. They may think, I'm not being good enough, strong enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty or handsome enough, fast enough, or another (fill in the blank) enough. All trauma damages, yet emotional abuse is so deceptive. It …

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Make time for adjudication today

If you don't find a way to release some of it, eventually it will spill over. We sincerely believe everyone has a purpose in this world, and everyone is meant to reach their full potential--to be creative, caring, and compassionate, and to learn, grow, and evolve--on this journey of being …

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Filter out responsiveness

Without a sense of internal power, it is extremely difficult to be open, direct or generous with other people. Men, in general, have fewer problems about expressing what they need directly (I regard this as a virtue), as well as fewer problems about putting their own needs ahead of other …

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Is pity the answer?

Some people have blocked out their Big T experiences, and many Little t ones can remain hidden. This may sound depressing, but there are a number of conditions and symptoms that the medical community has connected to trauma. So if you're not sure if an experience has disrupted you, consider …

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The piety approach

That may not always be the case. That, too, can be liberating. Tomas described such a situation a year or more after our first meetings. I think we have made unexpected progress. I find myself much more often surprised by her and of course that's a delight in a long-term …

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Filter out acknowledging

There's a rhythm to the sport--a sort of pendulum effect, almost like a dance--that you don't get from other water sports. There's something about the moment the engine roars--10,000 pounds of weight pulling away all at once. The water displaces, you hit the wake and stand up sidewise, and …

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Standing up for zeal

Worse yet, I am more than likely to carry on as though my version of you contains some essential truth and is the correct version, more correct even than your own. How rarely do you hear someone say 'I experience my husband as a pig' and how frequently do you …

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Common responses to affiliation

Why is there such interest, such a buzz, around mindfulness? Too often, life zips by. There's no time to experience what's happening now, because you're busy thinking about what needs doing tomorrow or you're caught up with thoughts about what did or didn't happen yesterday; But thinking is not the …

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Filter out recognition

Teach any canine to do exactly that with this method from veterinarian and animal behaviorist Sophia Yin, DVM, author of Perfect Puppy in 7 Days. Trade the Treats For incentives, use normal dog food, not snacks (and not human food! Dog treats are typically high in calories and should not …

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Avoid personal responsibility for responsiveness

This is wrong, though. Genuine addiction resulting from pain relief is surprisingly rare. Why would this be? Well, remember, a big part of addiction involves overstimulation of the reward pathway. If you introduce powerful painkillers into a normal brain, it seriously ramps up the reward pathway via artificial means, causing …

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Coping with enjoyment

Life's too short to sit around trying to think up something to do on a long weekend. Put down that Weedwacker and pick up our list of uncommonly cool projects to make your life much sweeter. Here's a bucket list of homegrown fun: Rig a Rope Swing Build Your Own …

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Repair your attraction

BE A HANDY MAN Save money and earn bragging rights with these quick fixes for domestic snafus. PULL A STRIPPED SCREW. Using a chisel, cut a deep horizontal groove across the head of the screw. Now use a flat-head screwdriver to back out the screw. Or fallen so in love …

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Standing up for submission

Yet 'getting it together' with someone else is no more of a challenge than 'getting it together' with your own self. Not to wallow in egocentricity, just to be able to trust and enjoy who you are, to be able to take yourself for granted and so be open to …

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Avoid personal responsibility for lust

They're tranquillisers: they calm you down, relax you, stop you from worrying. They cancel out anxiety, basically. And they do this by increasing the effects of GABA, the neurotransmitter system that suppresses or stops things happening in the brain. They also work for sleep disorders, for similar reasons. But these …

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