The assent approach

Let us look at a few examples: You are driving your car and all of a sudden you meet a reckless driver. What do you think? Perhaps you think something like: How can he drive like that? What an idiot! Let us reverse the situation and imagine that you are …

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Turn oppression into a game

Because he knows where he can get help, she is hopeful that sooner or later he will decide to conquer his disease because he must--for his sake and for theirs. Meanwhile, she says, He's wasting his life, and I'm wasting mine watching him wasting his. I want him back with …

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Is it time to see complying yet?

If you're sick from the neck down, everyone will help you, Sara says. If you are sick up above, there is this shame. A woman stays with her husband who's terminally ill and she's a saint. But I'm told I've got to be out of my mind' to stay with …

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Avoid personal responsibility for submissiveness

I had to--for my behavioral therapy. Today, Jill's obsessions and compulsions are largely under control. She no longer alcohols her house. Her mother's death two years ago caused a setback--her family members, who had become uncontaminated, suddenly became contaminated again. But she's working on that problem, practicing her therapy every …

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Don't expect rapture every day

That is one of the reasons why we like spending time with family, our partner or close friends. Oxytocin makes us feel calm and relaxed, and it also stimulates growth and healing. This, in other words, is an important substance that we should try to produce. Oxytocin is not only …

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Another obstacle to verification

If she or her sister had to go the principal's office, that was a kind of double-dip contamination. Tracy says, I remember one time when I knew I was going to have to go in and see the principal. It was a Catholic school, and I was really religious at …

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Giving up amity for Lent

This man lived together with his wife and their three nice kids. He had also recently become a grandfather. I asked him if he could at least experience some kind of happiness sometimes: No, he said, I feel completely empty and nothing makes me happy anymore. This man had clearly …

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Is it time to see emotion yet?

Oh, sure, Debbie told me, the connection wasn't great. But she just thought they were on pause (not knowing there is no such thing in a relationship). Debbie discovered the affair when she received an accidental email. Her husband confessed, said he was not in love anymore, and wanted a …

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Is orthodoxy worth the effort?

Why We Struggle With Forgiving I was in the middle of a conference on forgiving when a hand shot up. Somewhere between accusatory and curious, the participant asked, If forgiveness is so good for you, then why is it so hard? Why don't we just forgive? Great question, I responded …

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Make time for devotion today

Which is great, if life were fair, if there were always justice. Life isn't fair. And forgiveness does not always include compensation for the hurt. When people wait for fairness or justice, they often end up waiting in misery. Caught in a false belief that serves only to keep you …

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Standing up for sympathy

How will I feel if I fall for this temptation and how does this affect my life and well-being? Being blind in your everyday life Living a structured life, we may work less and live more. Most people waste a lot of unnecessary time and energy due to the simple …

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What will acting on orthodoxy provide?

Kathy came to see that Domingo's resistance to change and disruption in his life had an unexpected side benefit. She told us, If he didn't have OCD, he'd probably have ten girlfriends because he is, by nature, very promiscuous. But because of the OCD--and this is the part I love--he's …

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Another obstacle to devotion

Before he was diagnosed, she would get angry with him, telling him his hands were going to fall off if he didn't stop washing, but she just thought he was a little weird. He laughs and says, Once there's a diagnosis, once this thing has a name, people know they …

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Common responses to mediation

When her husband came home from work, she demanded that he undress, and she would bathe and disinfect him from head to toe. Her rationale was that the long-ago affair had made him dirty, and though she could not rid him of that inner dirt, she could rid him of …

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Don't expect obedience every day

But, you said I needed to forgive him, Ralph tried to clarify. I continued, Jack, forgiving him doesn't let him off the hook. In fact, you might forgive him and let him know, but you might just forgive him. On your own. Jack quietly responded after a thoughtful pause, I'm …

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Repair your arbitration

Which methods should you use when you have the biggest craving for cigarettes? Deciding on which methods to use is individual, but a method that often works is scaring yourself towards change. Finding out what you will look like and how your health will deteriorate in 10, 20 or 30 …

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Repair your conformity

In these cases, you need to be strong and focus on a reward in order to be able to carry on. Your reward to yourself could be something like going on a trip or to a spa, buying that coat you have been checking out or having a day off …

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Don't expect emotion every day

Studies show that 95% of all of your decisions are based on old habits. This means that only 5% of your decisions are conscious. This is kind of scary, considering that we are continuously changing and evolving, which in itself creates new needs. When someone demonstrates a bad habit, we …

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Filter out alliance

We forgive completely so that we are untied from that event, injury, or insult. The idea of forgiving is often caught up in should's, though, which seems to trip people up. Likely, part of that is due to religious connections to the word. Many people experience religion as demanding that …

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Giving up pity for Lent

He also taught school for a while. Can you imagine? At the high school level, it's all assertiveness and discipline. Not Jack's strong suits. In an interview for this article, Dr Iver Hand confirmed that those with clinical cases of OCD may tend to settle into menial, undemanding jobs. I …

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Is affinity worth the effort?

But as the person with OCD gets well, family dynamics are apt to change, often with devastating psychological consequences. Roles become reversed, and the once-powerless partner may make a power play. Others in the family may resent that the person has improved because now the family has to start facing …

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Standing up for fondness

What is it you find bad about our company? The clients then proceeded to share with him what they did not like about the company. They proceeded to let the minus account grow. I was assigned to motivate him to sell more. Once I asked him to think about what …

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The zeal approach

You'll begin to see improvements in all the problem areas of life in which the cravings to which the mind is so vulnerable cause pain and distress. For example, consider how much time and energy people spend ruminating and stewing about personal relationships. The Relabel and Refocus steps and use …

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Giving up enjoyment for Lent

Part of Josh's guilt was over what he perceived as his inadequate commitment to financial support of a shelter for the homeless. So he'd tell himself, If I can avoid this obsession, I can get out there and make more money and give more of it away. Sometimes that reasoning …

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Giving up friendship for Lent

Now he's learning to apply the Revalue principle in a more general way to improve his self-confidence and begin to overcome the resistance to change. I try to work on my OCD every day--to work on some of the more subtle symptoms and thought patterns. I try not to pay …

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Giving up submissiveness for Lent

Maybe you're now focused on just getting back into the office, finding a new job, or being with your family in any way you can, vacation or not. Many people's priorities have shifted as a result of our new normal. It's another advantage of being forced to slow down and …

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Limit your options with regards to compromise

Nearly everyone in my family is a doctor or a nurse, so I grew up seeing and hearing about the courage and self-sacrifice medical professionals show on a regular basis. The pandemic has now gifted the rest of the world with the respect I've had for my colleagues my entire …

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Make time for rapport today

In short, you have the power to be your best self--no virus or pandemic will ever take that away.Many others are stuck at that same point. And other people are just not sure. Perhaps what happened just shouldn't be forgiven. Perhaps that person just does not deserve to be …

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Turn affinity into a game

You, and no one else, decide what you want to change and how you want to live. People who like to say: That's not possible have throughout their lives created a truth that this is the way things are. We have to accept that. They mean no harm. They just …

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Cultivate compliance

God can certainly tell the difference between what is in your heart and is real and what is just a false message coming from your brain. It is important never to forget that point. Cognitive-biobehavioral self-treatment presents a real opportunity to actively reaffirm your faith in God's ability to know …

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Awareness makes allegiance possible

Furthermore, it turns out that passions that benefit others have an even greater impact on perceived happiness. Almost everyone has undiscovered passions. A lot of people live their whole lives without discovering their strongest passions. Instead, they focus on worldly success. But what if success finds you as you are …

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Filter out fondness

She constantly inspired in the early outbreak and motivated me, both professionally and personally. Despite these hardships, there we were, still alive and on set, covering the pandemic for a show seen across the country by millions of people. But now, it wasn't only Amy suffering with breast cancer or …

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Giving up sympathy for Lent

Recording in a journal the activities you do during the Refocusing and Revaluing steps, as achievements you want to keep track of, strongly reinforces this process. As you note each decrease in your anxieties and urges and record which activities cause the anxiety to decrease, these signs of progress will …

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Make time for understanding today

There's also no evidence that you can contract the virus from food that's been handled by someone infected with COVID-19. Again, this is a respiratory virus, and the primary means of transmission is through respiratory droplets in the air. Is It Safe to Use a Public Restroom? Public restrooms are …

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The accordance approach

Maybe you are teased for being fat, which in turn becomes a truth for you for a long time, even if you are not fat at all. When we come to a new workplace, it is common that we are extra curious and even start to question some things: Why …

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