Is it time to see communion yet?

John Gottman discovered that 69 percent of all relationship conflicts are perpetual. Common examples of perpetual problems include situations where one person likes to go out while the other prefers to stay in, or where one person is neat and the other is messy. These might include differing opinions on …

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Make time for noncomformity today

In his 2017 TED Talk, Tashiro notes that Kind partners are awesome. They're generous, they're empathic, and they want to be supportive of you. Kindness and emotional stability also allow us to treat our partner with care and compassion, which research from John and Julie Gottman suggests is the key …

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Common responses to compatibility

I choose something new for my future,' explained Dr Gentempo. Where affirmations have gone amuck is where people are walking around saying, I'm happy. I choose happiness means okay, I might not be happy right this second, but I choose it, and I'm going to start moving toward it. Switching …

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Coping with disagreement

Not only do we undervalue the qualities that matter for long-term relationships, we overvalue irrelevant ones. In part, we can blame a cognitive error called the focusing illusion--our tendency to overestimate the importance of certain factors when anticipating outcomes, like our future happiness. Behavioral economists Daniel Kahneman and David Schkade …

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Is arrangement worth the effort?

We also need to feel safe, but trauma often leaves us feeling anything but. It takes time and practice to learn, possibly for the first time, how to feel safe, especially with other people. We're going to say the quiet part out loud. You won't feel safe with everyone. There …

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Is it time to see devotedness yet?

If he is told he can't, he gets confused. He takes your opinion about everything, even when it comes to your opinion of him. When you require too much too soon, your child starts to worry: What is wrong with me that I can't remember what Mommy thinks is important …

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Repair your accord

You can do this, he told her encouragingly. I've been trying for years, and it's not working. I've gone beyond the point where I can return. The disease, the parasites, the entire two-year ordeal had stolen everything from her--her energy, outlook, health, identity, and now her life. As she lay …

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Standing up for difference

When we're older and thinking about long-term relationships and, eventually, marriage, the process is more like a merger: two complete beings coming together. The older we get, the more set in our ways we are, and the more we crave someone who will easily fit into our lives. We assume …

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Another obstacle to conventionality

Andrew was blown away by Dr Gordon's work, so he reached out to set up an appointment. First, Dr Gordon ran a panel of comprehensive hormone tests that he had developed. Andrew, like most of Dr Gordon's patients, was deficient in key hormones. After taking Andrew's lab results, a detailed …

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Common responses to strength

Avoidantly attached people are so good at pushing other people away, the only time they end up in a relationship is when the other person is especially persistent. I am nothing if not persistent, Vivian said. The server finally arrived with our drinks. Vivian looked out the window, watching a …

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Filter out adjudication

If her understanding of a situation is critical to her survival; As she attempts new feats, encourage her. This doesn't mean to let her jump off a ten-foot wall. It means to willingly agree that, yes, the jump is daring and daring ideas have growth. But if she tries it …

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Giving up impartiality for Lent

We met at Burning Man, the annual art and psychedelics festival in the Nevada desert. That first night, dressed head to toe in white linen, dust goggles draped around his neck, he whispered, Can I kiss you? I nodded, adjusting the cream-colored fur hat I'd paired with a spotted onesie …

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Make time for allegiance today

She was expected to be battle-ready at all times, prepared for any lawsuit or hit piece. She exercised five times a week, ate a strictly vegan diet, and had just obtained her sailing license. The woman was in control of everything. Everything but her dating life. Vivian knew I worked …

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Repair your allegiance

You have the opportunity to show your child what you hope for her life by what you bring to yours. Forgiveness doesn't mean becoming the object of abuse. It means remembering that mistreatment only comes from those who are mistreated. Teach your child to take responsibility. Teach you child to …

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The resistance approach

Self-nurturing tools help us meet and move through this challenge. In this article, we want to flip your (mis)perceptions on self-nurturing and self-care, and we're going to show you some of the most common and beneficial daily activities and lifestyle changes that you can make right now. We're talking …

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Avoid personal responsibility for determination

If you want your child to learn how to eat with manners, bring your manners to the table you share with her. If you tell her to be polite but spend the entire meal nagging her, why would she value your advice? If your child sees rude behavior in you …

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Awareness makes compromise possible

He's looking for a friendly smile and a happy heart. He's looking for the God in everyone. His need for this kind of friendship never ends, even if he takes a detour now and then. But detours are informative, too. How long he gets fooled on a detour depends on …

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Awareness makes congruity possible

I convinced her to invest in beautiful new headshots. Once she got the pictures back, she finally felt ready to start. She downloaded the apps, received positive reinforcement about her pics, and went on a date the next week. You certainly don't need to splurge on professional photography. Some flattering …

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Common responses to docility

Good for you for getting out there. I bet you learned something, even if the date sucked. Learn to be your own cheerleader. Learn to use that compassionate tone with yourself. This was the key for Shea, our Hesitater from the beginning of the article. Build up muscle, stamina, agility …

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Don't expect responsiveness every day

Try another, and then another, and keep going until you find those that work for you. Keep asking the questions and seeking the answers. Never allow someone to tell you it's hopeless or your trauma is too deep to resolve. Just as life can be hard and painful, it can …

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Repair your permission

Dr Totton believes that when you have trauma tucked inside, you can't just stop your mind from chattering and make it go blank. It often takes training and time to first learn how to relax, and then to go inward to notice your thoughts and emotions, and then finally to …

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The empathy approach

She has no judgments on it; The human body is a source of pleasure at every stage of life. But never is the owner of one more enthusiastic than when she first realizes her incredible self-sufficiency. She has a little machine that eats, sleeps, laughs, hears, sees, smells, and eliminates …

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Awareness makes worship possible

There's no right or wrong here--there's only what's right for you. TREATING THE MIND-BODY CONNECTION And we can work with our minds and bodies simultaneously. That's the idea behind the therapies that focus on helping the body release trauma while rewiring the brain. Common therapies that treat the mind-body connection …

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Coping with rapture

Whether these challenges show up in the first few months, the first few years, or decades later, their purpose is to seed the insight needed. Nothing in the illusion can stop a soul's evolution; What is your contribution to your child's genetic structure? Well, you had the storehouse of selections …

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Filter out understanding

Diane discovered the modern therapies that worked best for her, and that's all any of us can do. EMDR may be the right choice for you now, or maybe it's cognitive thought therapy. Two years from now, this may change, and that's okay. Patience and persistence, paired with greater inner …

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Is permission worth the effort?

Your baby has walked into the room of humanness in a happy, joyful mood, glad to be alive, thrilled to be evolving, and ecstatic to be joining you. As he discovers the kind of party he has come to, he forms his first opinions. He knows he is wonderful, and …

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Repair your harmony

The other weekend we went away together. We rode bikes, we cooked, we had sex. And I just felt like this was the person I was going to marry. I was so happy to hear that he was happy. But I had to ask: What about those Steven voices in …

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Repair your warmth

Art bypasses all our defenses, she said. Most people are not an artist, and it's not about being an artist. It's about letting you express yourself. Dr Morel believes that art therapy is especially helpful for people who experienced significant trauma in childhood. As children, we don't have the words …

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The insight approach

Economists often refer to the opportunity cost of decisions--the price you pay when you choose one option over another. If you're facing two mutually exclusive choices, Option A and Option B, your opportunity cost is what you give up from Option A if you choose Option B, and vice versa …

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Common responses to involvement

You have the fun of building a fellowship through which shared experiences can offer growth to all. The choices of each soul are varied because energy's needs are varied; But regardless of the direction each soul takes, it wants to sense the knowledge it had before: that it is autonomous …

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Is appreciation worth the effort?

Do you feel like you're getting up every day and you have purpose, or are you going to a job that you don't find any purpose in? Low back pain is more of a psycho-emotional issue than it is a physical or mechanical. So, let's reflect on how you're living …

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Make time for adjustment today

Or do you B) spend twenty-five minutes scrolling through every single new release, comedy, drama, documentary, and foreign film, as well as all the TV shows, before committing to the absolute best option? If you chose A, you're likely a Satisficer. If you selected B, you're clearly a Maximizer. Maximizers …

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Make time for decision today

It means you're one step closer to finding the right fit. This idea goes for any therapist or healer. You deserve to find the right therapies and therapists. Find someone you feel safe with, someone you can trust, someone with whom you will create a safe space to do this …

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Turn lust into a game

They may look around for a while until they find an option that meets their expectations. The difference is, once they find something that meets their standards, they are happy with it. They don't wonder what else is out there. And that's why I want you to work toward becoming …

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Cultivate conventionality

Often, it's a combination of all of the above. While ultimately you have to find the path that suits you best, we can tell you that most of the experts we spoke to said having a spiritual practice creates a strong foundation for recovery and resiliency. While we'd never say …

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Is consistency the answer?

She crossed her arms over her chest. Do you get it? I feel like you're telling me to give up on my dream. I have this vision of love, and now you're saying it doesn't exist. That I have to settle or give up. They were grappling with understanding, How …

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Limit your options with regards to devotedness

The more these ideas resonated with you, the more you've been brainwashed by the principles of Romanticism. When people expect romantic relationships to unfold this way, they develop soul mate beliefs, just like Maya did. They waste years waiting for the one, rejecting anyone who doesn't meet their unrealistic expectations …

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