How did i end up this way?

In reality, they had no control over the light since the researchers were dictating whether or not to turn the light on. When asked to rate the level of control they felt they had over the light, the nondepressed subjects overestimated how much control they had, while the depressed students …

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Improving yourself

And sinking mind contains neither. At its worst, it will put you to sleep. Even at its best it will simply waste your time. Imagine you've planned a long sailing voyage. You've spent months preparing yourself and your boat. You've learned all you can about navigating through whatever the ocean …

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Visualizing the shoe switch

Realistically, though, that's a very conservative estimate, since those three hours and twenty minutes don't include the wasted time needed to get back on task between checking emails. In fact, a study published in the International Journal of Information Management found office workers took an average of sixty-four seconds after …

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Warm up your walls

Buying stuff in excess is not practical because I don't have enough space. Plus, I like to train myself to resist things to improve my self-discipline. Remember: Money is a replaceable resource. When you're out of it, you can earn it back. You can't say the same for time. Don't …

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How to be strong mentally and emotionally

For example, your keystone habit of going to sleep at the same time every night increases the chance you'll be able to roll out of bed when your alarm goes off. This can foster additional healthy habits, because you will have enough time to exercise (since you didn't hit snooze …

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How to overcome anxiety and panic?

Go out one day this week and only pay attention to the cues people use in conversation. Try to determine if someone is an audible, visual, or kinaesthetic thinker. Practice mirroring the posture and actions of a friend and ask them afterwards if it was obvious. Work toward a comfortable …

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Self-image and self talk

The best way to clarify the mental fluid is to just let it settle all by itself. Don't add any energy to the situation. Just mindfully watch the mud swirl, without any involvement in the process. Then, when it settles at last, it will stay settled. We exert energy in …

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Showing emotional support

SMART goals mean that: (S) you should know exactly what it is you want to achieve; (M) you should be able to measure your progress; (A) it should be possible for you to achieve it, though not too easy; (R) it should relate to your wider goals; and (T) you …

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Use your support systems

It's focusing on what you're giving to that person (which instantly brings you happiness as well as bringing the other person happiness) and allows the relationship to prosper. However, most people don't do this. They focus on what they're getting instead. Take my good friend Sarah and her husband Tom …

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Nervous habits such as drumming fingers

But trying to control everything is impossible; the difficult is preferable to the impossible. Wait a minute, though. Peace and happiness! Isn't that what civilization is all about? We build skyscrapers and freeways. We have paid vacations, TV sets; we provide free hospitals and sick leaves, Social Security and welfare …

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Not feeling heard or understood

Duh! But it was a triumphant moment when the light dawned and I figured out the solution to the problem, after finally realizing that it was a problem. I don't think people without ADD realize what life is like for us. This next example is a little complicated. I have …

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The burden of avoidance

Are you living in a chaotic household where it's always crazy? Separate yourself from that situation and find somewhere peaceful to live. Are you in a crazy and chaotic relationship? Get it under control, seek counseling, or get away from it. Is your job too crazy and chaotic? Find a …

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Trusting and having confidence in the other

What's more, martial arts teach self-control, and progressing within the discipline makes you more able to defend yourself, which can provide a confidence boost. There are many types of martial art to choose from, whether it's a 'softer' style, such as aikido, or something 'harder' like taekwondo. Each has its …

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What do you want?

Today, more than 150 billionaires from more than fifteen countries have signed the pledge. The development organization BRAC helps people out of poverty by bringing them together and having them pool their resources to start their own businesses and to resolve problems in the community. Established by the charity Mensajeros …

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What is happiness?

Help your friends strengthen their own marriages. Plan couples' activities together and speak positively about friends' partners. If you want life to go your way, you need to over-plan, over-prepare, and forget what anyone says about it. Have more goals and hit more targets than everyone else. Have goals in …

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A life in such perfect conflict

In a separate study, subjects read a fake news article that either described the benefits of happiness or did not mention it. Participants then watched a happy or sad film clip. Those who were prompted to value happiness reported feeling worse after watching the happy film than those who did …

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Bring on more face to face

As we have already seen, if someone tries to persuade you that you are a thief, they can't get to you, because factually, you know you're not a thief. By contrast, if they challenge something more abstract and subjective--your intelligence, your likeability, your sensitivity, worth, talent, or character--your ears perk …

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The power of friendship

Let it go - be someone interesting, new and exciting. Only then can you build the rapport that will generate likability. We'll work on this a LOT in the coming chapters, so don't feel like it's something you should just know off the bat. Finally, the third thing that natural likability …

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Edit your thoughts

It can also be a crutch so I warn you to approach online gaming with the requisite care to ensure you don't get addicted and that you maintain a decent distance from the barrage of stimuli. In short, don't get lost in this world. It's not good for you. Forums …

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Posture mirroring

I said I was going to do this, and I am going to do it. Or am I just being stubborn? I don't know. I just don't know." Don't get stuck in this trap. It is just another hindrance. Another of the mind's little smoke screens to keep you from …

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Understand everything is a process and takes time

This often occurs when the tasks that you are doing are very simple in nature, like getting rid of things that you know have little value, such as expired coupons and unsolicited junk mail. This is because after you've used the method numerous times, you won't need to think to …

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What happens when you feel pain?

As procrastinators, while we often feel victimized by the world and all of its demands, we're actually victims of the ill-conceived coping measures that we've learned to rely on, which have turned into bad habits. There are times when a habitual procrastinator will do almost anything in order to evade …

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What made you feel loved as a child?

You find out your commute is longer than you thought, or the supervisor who hired you left the company. The baby may be colicky, or your two-year-old may be sulking that she now has to share the attention. Things can go from high to hard pretty quickly. As we discussed …

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Aim to reach flow state when having fun

Exciting new directions cannot help but emerge when we come together in creative spirit. Immersed in creative endeavours, we dip into flow states that, like meditation, expand our awareness and awaken our spirits. Inviting more delightful moments of creative bliss and flow into all our days is a sure way …

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Appreciate your body

It just pops out of the deep mind, and you say, "Ah ha!" and the whole thing is solved. This sort of intuition can only occur when you disengage the logic circuits from the problem and give the deep mind the opportunity to cook up the solution. The conscious mind …

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Looking out for future you

Then, according to which box we stick it in, we perceive with a set of fixed habitual mental responses. If a particular perception has been labeled "good," then we try to freeze time right there. We grab onto that particular thought, fondle it, hold it, and we try to keep …

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Most people don't succeed, so neither will i

It can be helpful to have a Plan B; an option that you can implement if the original one proves impractical or unsuccessful. Whether it's a journey, a change of career or getting fitter or improving a relationship with a friend or family member, things happen. The weather changes, someone …

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Will i regret this later?

(The teacher pauses to allow participants time to set up and settle.) Once you have found a position that is comfortable, allowing the eyes to close, or equally softening the gaze, looking down toward the floor in front of you. Have you thought about how to discipline your tongue? The …

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Clearing out the white noise

And even if the initial data is relevant, we often pay too much attention to that data, and thereby fail to make sufficient adjustments when new information becomes available. Anchoring can affect judgments in many aspects of our personal and professional lives. The prices that we negotiate in our financial …

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Dealing with setbacks

A value rule is part of the moral code by which you live your life, whereas an outcome is more about what you have done. There are some people who believe they are guilty simply because they are alive. Someone who feels guilty but cannot tell you why may be …

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How to overcome a fear of failure

You'll have more fun and "play money" than most and the comfortable life you want will take care of itself. Those who are successful through putting work first live by the motto, "Life is easy when you live it the hard way and hard when you live it the easy …

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Picturing a relaxing scene

What will be the benefits of achieving what it is you want? Maybe it's a financial or material gain. Perhaps it's personal gain; you'll be happier or wiser, or you will learn something new, be healthier or improve yourself or your situation in some way. Whatever it is, keep it …

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Reclaiming your health

They're, naturally, reserving their energy by remaining calm. Plus, when you're always relaxed, you're a more likable and approachable person. You're more trustworthy. You're the one people seek out when they need something important done because they know you're not going to freak out and mess it up. Regularly practice …

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Unrealistic expectations

Experienced clinicians know not to give up hope even though it can be hard to predict when recovery will really kick in; people with addiction, and their families, need to know this as well to stay the course, to persist and be there when a person wants to try again …

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