The piety approach

That may not always be the case. That, too, can be liberating. Tomas described such a situation a year or more after our first meetings. I think we have made unexpected progress. I find myself much more often surprised by her and of course that's a delight in a long-term …

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Turn complying into a game

And sometimes the trauma we've faced can bring up feelings of shame and guilt, which can stop us from reaching out and getting the help we need--and deserve. The more we dug into this subject, the more we realized it had to be the subject for our second article. Just …

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Coping with affiliation

She is speaking as the veteran of a marriage and of several long-term relationships with women. But I see this as a temporary merging, possible only because it is temporary and not permanent. To me you don't have intimacy if one person is in control. Part of intimacy for me …

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Filter out acknowledging

There's a rhythm to the sport--a sort of pendulum effect, almost like a dance--that you don't get from other water sports. There's something about the moment the engine roars--10,000 pounds of weight pulling away all at once. The water displaces, you hit the wake and stand up sidewise, and …

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Make time for concord today

Your own sense of spirituality can be experienced by anything from cheering your team along with ten thousand other people, to something as quiet and simple as gazing at the enormity of a star-filled sky. Spirituality helps you to feel grounded in the present and yet connected to the past …

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Repair your devotion

Then take a couple more. Give yourself more time. If you're constantly rushing to appointments or other places you have to be, it's simply because you don't allot enough time. If you think it only takes you 30 minutes to get somewhere, perhaps give yourself 45 minutes so you can …

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Repair your strength

Now let her try. Source: Gerry Yarish, flight instructor and senior technical editor at Model Airplane News TURN AN EMPTY BEER BOTTLE INTO PARTY GLASSWARE WARNING: This DIY project involves sharp edges, breaking glass, and fire (wear safety glasses). But if you're careful, it could also involve fun. Because your …

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Cultivate impartiality

Is that difficult to imagine? To return to Jude and Oscar, Jude would, in an ideal world, accept that Oscar's idea of togetherness is not the same as her own. She would see that keeping his moves secret is part of who Oscar is, and that being with other people …

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Is it time to see tenderness yet?

Just allow them to come and go and return your focus and attention to your breathing. Mindful breathing is like a reset button that you can push to return yourself to the present moment whenever you feel the need; Try and practise mindful breathing for a minute or two a …

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Is piety worth the effort?

Then bring the hollowed-out block indoors and carve a hole big enough to slide in a small tea light or LED. PADDLE A DRAGON BOAT Dating back more than 2,000 years to ancient China, dragon boat racing has elements of both crew and canoeing. Races usually range from 250 …

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Repair your judgment

Facial expressions, posture, touch, etc are all emotionally driven and can clue you into a person's true feelings and intentions in any one moment. Every shift in a person's inner emotions is communicated through their non-verbal behaviour and it happens in the present. However, not all emotions are as obvious …

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Standing up for zeal

Worse yet, I am more than likely to carry on as though my version of you contains some essential truth and is the correct version, more correct even than your own. How rarely do you hear someone say 'I experience my husband as a pig' and how frequently do you …

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Awareness makes zeal possible

Attach motion sensors (try a Parallax PIR sensor: parallax. Take It Inside Cover your foyer with dark curtains and install a black light. When kids approach, turn off the porch lights. Open the door wearing a white costume. It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you …

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Common responses to affiliation

Why is there such interest, such a buzz, around mindfulness? Too often, life zips by. There's no time to experience what's happening now, because you're busy thinking about what needs doing tomorrow or you're caught up with thoughts about what did or didn't happen yesterday; But thinking is not the …

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Common responses to alliance

Is it any wonder then that many of us harbour a flourishing suspicion that intimacy is something that most other people manage very much better than we do? Other people experiencing you Before your first year of life was over you began to understand that you are a self. You …

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Common responses to attachment

S:Or at least 'artificially', in a sense. P:It looks a lot like a fairy-tale potion, which may be a good or bad thing. None were penalised for it, even though they were competing for the role of actual leader of the United Kingdom! But they had all gone …

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Filter out recognition

Teach any canine to do exactly that with this method from veterinarian and animal behaviorist Sophia Yin, DVM, author of Perfect Puppy in 7 Days. Trade the Treats For incentives, use normal dog food, not snacks (and not human food! Dog treats are typically high in calories and should not …

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Is zeal worth the effort?

Cut the pipe: Using a hacksaw, cut 14 pieces of 2-foot lengths and 12 pieces of 1-foot lengths. Build the ladders: Assemble the pipe lengths and joint connectors, starting with the leg supports and working up. For ease of assembly and transport, do not glue the joints together. Use the …

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Make time for oppression today

So what other danger restricted me? I suspect it was the danger of taking on what I unconsciously perceived as responsibility for someone else--worse yet, responsibility for their happiness--and being unable to cope with this demand as I experienced it. What I am describing will be familiar to anyone who …

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Avoid personal responsibility for responsiveness

This is wrong, though. Genuine addiction resulting from pain relief is surprisingly rare. Why would this be? Well, remember, a big part of addiction involves overstimulation of the reward pathway. If you introduce powerful painkillers into a normal brain, it seriously ramps up the reward pathway via artificial means, causing …

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Coping with enjoyment

Life's too short to sit around trying to think up something to do on a long weekend. Put down that Weedwacker and pick up our list of uncommonly cool projects to make your life much sweeter. Here's a bucket list of homegrown fun: Rig a Rope Swing Build Your Own …

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Repair your fervor

Pain that is 'armoured against' in the crucial pre-verbal period is most likely to manifest in sexual problems. These may be any one of a variety of problems which come out of difficulties with actually feeling emotions, or perhaps allowing others to feel or express emotions in your presence. Sex …

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Turn discord into a game

He was explaining--and it took our group some time to take this idea on board--that people have very different ways of expressing their grief Most of us would assume, I think, that grieving people weep a lot, feel terribly sad, lost, depressed, and have little interest in events other than …

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What will acting on resistance provide?

No, there are other issues at work. Who gets addicted? A big part of the stigma directed at addicts is the matter of choice. Nobody wants depression or anxiety or psychosis or PTSD, but it's not something they get to decide. But anyone with an addiction, they must have chosen …

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Is determination worth the effort?

The gradual processes of coming to understand what solitude can mean to her have been part of Alexandra's explorations of her early life and the experiences of intimacy and of solitude which shaped her childhood. Alexandra believes that for her mother, she, Alexandra, had very little separate existence. She experienced …

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Is it time to see piety yet?

Those changes that have occurred in the brain, they never entirely go away. All those circuits that learned that a certain drug means pleasure or relief, all that bulking up of the stress system, that's still there. They might be diminished, toned down, or dormant, but as adaptive as the …

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Standing up for appreciation

The fact that diagnoses can differ and fluctuate so much brings us back to the original issues raised in the first article, which pointed out how the very concept of diagnoses can be limited and problematic. In any case, assuming we can be sure that someone has an addiction, what …

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Standing up for permission

As they get larger, I shrink. And what I need to do is to take up some of that space myself. It feels like this is a much more existential issue than whether I feel I am important or not, or whether people know I am important. It really does …

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The compliance approach

Place two sticks or pencils on the tape an inch apart and about two-thirds of the way up. Attach bait to the tape. Peanut butter or potato chips work great. Use a second piece of tape to keep the bait in place, but leave some food exposed. Mice scurry along …

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Turn approving into a game

We all have our personal preferences, but what you want and what the next person wants regarding sex can vary wildly. And there are so many stifling cultural expectations confusing matters too. Remember in the first article we spoke of nymphomania, because women wanting a lot of sex was deemed …

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Awareness makes disagreement possible

I would speculate that when he is with others they do not impinge greatly upon him. He does not regard himself as lonely, but lacking trust in one's self and in others is not a good starting point for making sustaining connections. Has he embraced solitude, with all that implies …

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Coping with difference

Show your wife; REPLACE A BUSTED DOOR Replace a dated or busted interior door with this step-by-step guide from James Carey, cohost of the home-improvement radio show On the House. WHAT YOU'LL NEED A prebored door (that has the same dimensions as the old one), nail punch, hammer, pliers, towel …

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Giving up rapture for Lent

One morning it's just gone. There's only the old town hall again, which holds a couple of hundred people at most. Maybe that was enough once. But it's not now. The town hall is now surrounded by an enlarged community that needs crowds of tens of thousands, to keep functioning …

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Is recognition worth the effort?

At the most simple, neurological level, connections are made between something happening, and how good or bad the outcome of it was. If we do a thing and something bad happens, we avoid doing it again. If we do a thing and nothing happens, we don't associate any outcome to …

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Repair your attraction

BE A HANDY MAN Save money and earn bragging rights with these quick fixes for domestic snafus. PULL A STRIPPED SCREW. Using a chisel, cut a deep horizontal groove across the head of the screw. Now use a flat-head screwdriver to back out the screw. Or fallen so in love …

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