Avoid personal responsibility for emotion

I almost always felt shut out from the others of them and was often truly lonely. When you feel relatively 'at one' with yourself you are most likely to be able to welcome solitude: feeling, to quote Winnicott, calm, restful, relaxed and one with people and things when no excitement …

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Common responses to giving in

Find Your Entry Point Look to remove branches that intersect in a V (as opposed to a U); Cut the branch half an inch from where it connects to the trunk or another branch. Lop in Stages A sturdy handsaw is your best bet for limb cutting. Again, we'll get …

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Filter out accord

High-profile, powerful men being outed for using their position to physically force themselves on women without their consent is a depressingly common occurrence, but in many cases the perpetrator's excuse is that they're addicted to sex. When I was growing up, my own mother said I was addicted to the …

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Filter out compassion

Endorphins are neurotransmitters that, among other things, suppress pain and induce euphoria, usually at times of great physical stress. It's when your brain realises your body is experiencing significant physical stress and hardship and so pumps you full of endorphins to take the pain away, make you feel good, and …

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Nobody loves a pig wearing lipstick

If I'm on my own and alone at least I don't need to face what other people are thinking about me. Nor my envy of them either, I guess. In loneliness you are usually painfully aware of what you do not have: the prince or princess who still has no …

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Standing up for submission

Yet 'getting it together' with someone else is no more of a challenge than 'getting it together' with your own self. Not to wallow in egocentricity, just to be able to trust and enjoy who you are, to be able to take yourself for granted and so be open to …

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Standing up for worship

So, what have we learned about anxiety? It's very common and happens to literally everyone. But in some people, it happens too much, in ways that can't be stopped or curtailed without external help. And this causes problems. It seems to stem from an excess of activity, specifically in the …

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What's the big deal anyway?

There's another tool to make. Time to create your pick: Open the second pin, scrape the rounded edge off the tip of the straighter side, and bend the same tip up just slightly so it resembles a very shallow curved fishhook [B]. Insert the hook end into the keyhole; If …

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Avoid personal responsibility for lust

They're tranquillisers: they calm you down, relax you, stop you from worrying. They cancel out anxiety, basically. And they do this by increasing the effects of GABA, the neurotransmitter system that suppresses or stops things happening in the brain. They also work for sleep disorders, for similar reasons. But these …

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Love is actually natural

And so we turn to each other, doing the best with what we have, but often carrying resentments that each of us is insufficiently consoled, cared for and restored. You feel this consciously in the present, and you may well feel it at an unconscious level hanging on from the …

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Mastering Your Emotions

This is invariably much more frightening. The unexpected, the novel, enhances the fear response too. And it seems that the stress response in the brain of someone with panic disorder is particularly sensitive to novelty. This could explain why panic attacks are so unpredictable. If they're triggered by novel, unfamiliar …

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Repair your worship

Jump with Leverage Don't double-bounce--you could lose control. To gain momentum and maintain balance, start by squatting until your knees are bent 45 degrees. Then, in one smooth, quick motion, jump and swing your arms up over your shoulders. Aim to jump about 3 feet outward and upward. And a …

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Sacrificing Ourselves

Folks will want to grab a beer (or pass their last one) during the break between acts. So buy your beer when the band announces its last song; Work the Edges If you arrive later and try to blitz up the middle, you'll hit a blockade. Crowds tend to be …

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What will acting on adjudication provide?

And to move beyond a narrow view of intimacy or closeness to embrace a whole life that is enhanced by connection. We probably also share a hope that at least some of our connections will be loving. But, as you have already discovered, your connections with others can only be …

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I am a binge eater

Plant Your Feet If you lunge (or worse, jump) in an attempt to add oomph to your throw, you'll send your dart off course. Your throwing power should come from your biceps, elbow, and wrist. Keep your body rigid to create a good foundation. Don't Throw Elbows Two in particular …

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I eat when I'm bored

That's clear, but knowing it is not enough to change things. Carl could have the reasons he is acting/over-reacting explained to him, yet go on feeling irritated and tense. This is because his mind, like yours or mine, is capable of knowing many things that his emotions fail to …

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Love is supposed to be suffocating

HOW TO SLAM A TABLE TENNIS SERVE Start with Perfect Grip Hold the paddle as if you're shaking hands--with your fingers wrapped around the handle. Place your slightly bent thumb along the side of the handle that faces your opponent. Lay your index finger across the base of your side …

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Of sleeping on the couch

Nor is he doomed by those events. Experiences of childhood, especially of the pre-verbal period of infancy, are felt at a level of intensity which as an adult you will never recapture and which you are likely to deny simply because your memories do not make those experiences consciously available …

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Recovering the World of Your Dreams

In this state it is difficult to face challenges from our partners . It can annoy us to discover this does not work in our personal relations for this is the only rationality that we know. It can encourage men to pressure their partners to organise childcare as if it can …

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The Believing Brain

Constant, relentless exercise would mean his muscles would get much bigger. In modern terms, Sisyphus was probably pretty jacked. The boulder kept rolling down anyway. Similarly, the prefrontal cortex can have all the connections to the amygdala it likes. If the amygdala doesn't respond to signals telling it to stop …

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Be like a river that flows clean and free

For example, someone who is homeless has undoubtedly experienced more unpleasant events than someone wealthy, living in a mansion. Therefore, you'd expect the former to be more likely to develop PTSD. And, in general, you'd probably be right. On the other hand, living on the streets needn't be the result …

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Feeling like a personal failure

Since my article was published and I can no longer be a complete failure in his eyes, things have got worse, not better. It's as though to have any contact with me at all would be too painfully embarrassing for him. It is hard to understand. Adam had little contact …

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Keep the Faith

It's essentially the figurehead of anxiety disorders, in that it's the one people usually picture when they think of anxiety, just as major depressive disorder occupies that role for depression. As usual, according to the psychiatric approach, there are certain criteria that must be present before a diagnosis of generalised …

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Getting to hope you like me

For certain parts of the brain, like the brainstem, it's substantially longer again. We're talking about the dinosaur era, here. The prefrontal cortex, right behind your forehead, is the most advanced bit of the brain. Most of the difficult, abstract, conscious stuff stems from here: your sense of self, rational …

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Thoughts Become Things: Mental Healing

And this can cause us serious problems. Another word for worries? It's normal, even healthy, for people to worry, to experience anxiety, in response to the challenges and issues they encounter in their lives. But for certain people, this anxiety becomes constant, excessive, illogical, and difficult, even impossible, to control …

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Don't Stop Believing

Emancipation from sex-role stereotyping has been part of the social agenda for more than 200 years, but while women's place in the world of paid work has certainly changed dramatically, and some men do transcend the old divisions between the public and private spheres, it would seem that when it …

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How much time did you spend on food (meal planning/eating)?

The insular cortex is believed to be a key area for processing feelings of disgust, as well as having extensive connections to the deeper emotion-processing regions of the brain, so is implicated in feelings of self-worth and our overall emotional state. A brain region involved in both sense of self-worth …

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School Bus Magic

Why exactly would talking therapy combined with antidepressants work better than either alone? Aren't they completely different approaches? Well, one possibility is that antidepressants may ensure the affected neurons regrow their lost connections, but cognitive behavioural therapies, which are all about making you think and mentally process stuff in helpful …

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