You either understand everything I say or you're no good as a therapist, or you don't care about me at all. This is perfectionism, one of the things which feeds procrastination, and these are also examples of-all-or nothing thinking. Perfectionism also leads to my wanting to play the piano well …

I acknowledged that she was feeling lousy and was disappointed and discouraged. I persuaded her to do the math and she was able to see that she had still lost fifteen pounds, which is not a small feat. Then I asked her to name some of the ways she was …

Yes, you do have a say in your life. Remember, No excuses. Find a way. Believe for a miracle. Press on till you win. Don't quit! What is your relationship with your health and money? Explain. What is your level of discipline over your health, and finances? Are you more …

We need to receive positive reinforcement for accomplishing things, even if we have to give it to ourselves, which is often the case. We're not good at rewarding ourselves and we need to intentionally practice. We can set up rewards as a motivating factor for a specific task. Just the …

I do. Interestingly, Dotty notes that she has also become less critical of other people and she is getting along better with some of them, not just with her husband. Therapy can produce some wonderful results. Flare-ups are a normal part of life for those with persistent pain. Many flare-ups …

Decreasing toxic forms of perfectionism can lessen these conditions simultaneously (Lowndes et al., 2018). The truth is, anxiety is such a commonplace experience that we often feel like there is something wrong with us when we aren't feeling anxious. We wonder what new threat to our security or peace we …

Other people are in charge of theirs. You are the expert on your life, and you get to judge what is best for you. You do not have to justify yourself to others. Others do not have to justify themselves to you. People can ask you anything they want to …

If you value the relationship more, you may let go of the attempt to make her stop smoking. These choices are not easy, but you can approach them assertively. This negative self-talk is very damaging and we do it a lot. It just keeps eroding our morale, damaging our self-esteem …

In the 1960s, my dad was an astute businessman, entrepreneur, and an avid runner. As a preteen, I can recall many times I'd joined him as he ran around the lake in Denver, Colorado. Being so young and not really understanding the health benefits of running, one day I asked …

One of her strongest memories from childhood was of being told, over and over, "You can do better than this!" And she could have done better, if she hadn't had ADD. But whatever she did was never good enough. She has a severe problem finishing things and with organizing. Wilton …

This makes them more likely to agree with the good points you make. Point out common ground. Draw attention to the things you agree on with the other person. This helps make the differences between your opinions feel smaller. The key to healthy, adaptable perfectionism is in your expectations. So …

How is meditation benefiting you? Make a list of benefits. If you have never practiced meditation before, when do you plan to get started? Are you ready to go to the next level of meditation? If so, what do you plan to practice? Wilton would have a stressful day at …

The people in one group were asked to sit or stand in `power poses'. Some were seated at desks, asked to put their feet up on the table, look straight ahead and interlock their hands behind the back of their heads. Others stood straight, feet apart, head up and hands …

Still, when I'm getting ready to file something, or to put it on the pile on my desk, and I hear myself saying, "Oh, I'll need to get to this later," I stop and ask myself, "Could I possibly take care of this now?" Adjust this to your audience. For …

Are they accurate? Professor Stephen Schnaars of Baruch College analyzed the forecasts published between 1959 and 1989 in sources like the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and Business Week, and found that they were wrong about 80 percent of the time. The predictions of major think tanks fair …

That is, the participants have to be "blind" to the treatment they receive. Are these controls tight enough? Not yet! Studies have found that if the person giving out the pills knows who gets the drug and who gets the placebo, he can give subtle clues, even unknowingly, that tell …

And master it. Your bottomless discipline will transform into greater elements in all areas of your life. To maintain bottomless discipline in every level in your life, be aware that discipline is not easy. It takes practice, practice, and practice--every day. Then your discipline will start becoming easier because it …

There is a great deal of false information circulating out there about natural supplements, and this is not a well-regulated area of the health marketplace.) However, the psychotropic medications used to treat anxiety often have side effects. Some of them can also be habit-forming (another way of saying they can …

He drew a breath and said, "You're bigger than those stacks of papers, David. Just do it!" My neighbor's words made me feel worse. The two of us batted the topic back and forth like a tennis ball. He would say, "You have power over these things." Then I'd reply …

People don't evaluate how they got there; they're just there. That passive approach is what I call the Popeye theory of life management: "I am what I am." It's an approach that asks no questions, seeks no answers, and leaves you stuck right where you are. It's an attitude that …

And here's what most of us don't see and understand - it's all just a mirage. It's not real. The people you're watching who appear to have these flawless lives are painting a picture of what they WANT you to see - not what's 100% accurate and true about themselves. Athletes, musicians …

This shame fed his discouragement and demoralization and they fed the shame, in a vicious cycle. The sense of shame fed his sneakiness and his evasions, and motivated his hiding the truth from himself as well as from others. Shame is not technically a part of ADD itself, but usually …

Tack your next one-week vacation onto a three-day weekend to stretch it to a little more than a week--but just a little. Sadly, no matter how long a vacation may be, its impact after you return to work is likely to be minimal. The same study found that on the …

Given the enormous influence others have on our actions, how can we manage distraction around those with whom we want to spend uninterrupted quality time? How do we change our tendencies toward distraction when those around us haven't changed theirs? Essayist and investor Paul Graham writes that societies tend to …

They asked people with different backgrounds to accurately predict the British economy ten years into the future. Who won? A group of sanitation workers tied for first place with a panel of four chairman of multinational firms.48 Once again, the amount of knowledge we have in a certain area …

While experiencing the joy of sparkling might sound like an abstract notion, it is surprisingly simple. When we find our bliss within, we may find it in one another and in our world around us. Maintainers actually exercise longer and harder than people who've never been overweight. In one study …

I don't allow myself to put them anywhere else, not "just for now," not "just this time," not "because I'm busy." No. On the front table. I do not leave them in my jacket pocket. I do not lay them on my desk or on the bureau top. I put …

One antidepressant made my eyes dilate to such an extent that my vision became blurred. I was then put on another that caused such terrible stomach upset, that I'll trust you'd rather not know the details. Another medication, one that was supposedly tailor-made for anxiety, produced the side effect of …

As you are putting your plan into action, making new choices that will empower you to handle stress better, there will be days when you fall back into old habits. Whether you binge on comfort food, say yes to too many commitments, stay up half the night watching mindless TV …

Given a choice, would you choose differently? Do you even know what you would choose if you had an option? Are you in touch with this authentic self? Do you "get" what "it" is, or is this just a bunch of psychological talk? Wouldn't it be tragic if a very …

No matter how simple our tasks may initially appear, many, if not all of our tasks require thoughtful action; and it's for that reason many people find procrastination to be a never-ending burden. I usually had a variety of tasks that I simultaneously procrastinated on. Typically, it wasn't that I …

Most of us do, and for good reason. The health benefits of massages are varied and well documented. For starters, studies have shown that massages reduce cortisol--the stress hormone--by 31 percent, while at the same time increasing mood-boosting hormones like dopamine and serotonin by as much as a third. The …

Since the relationship between depression and substance abuse can often be very complicated, it is essential that people dealing with both depression and substance abuse seek medical help as soon as possible. Only a qualified health professional can make a proper diagnosis, especially for those patients dealing with more than …

If my short term goals don't seem to lead towards my long term goals, or if what I am doing now doesn't fit in with my goals, then I need to rethink. I keep the yellow pad with my long term goals on it on my desk and review it …

This also includes whole grains, such as barley, whole wheat, and oats. Fiber plays an important role in regulating your digestive system and helping you feel fuller so you have fewer cravings. Chocolate lovers, rejoice--indulge and feel good. You may be pleased to know that eating chocolate really can make …

That might make a difference in whether a person would do better with varenicline or bupropion or with a nicotine patch. Research is under way here as well. We know that cortical controls are weakened by the chronic use of many substances, resulting in the diminution of executive functioning, including …

Remember, you're not trying to eliminate your tasks, but to develop the willingness to simply reduce the number of tasks that await you. Numerous research studies have consistently shown that well over 90 percent of all people who committed suicide or attempted it were suffering from some form of mental …

They would be either confrontational (playing a police officer interrogating a suspect) or collaborative. Before taking part in the role playing, the subjects chose which type of music they preferred to listen to for a given scenario--tunes aimed at making them feel angry, happy, or neutral. There are two levels …

Don't tolerate being absent, late, and not keeping commitments. Don't tolerate dishonorable, disrespectful, and disgraceful behavior. Don't tolerate having a victim mindset. Don't tolerate losing because you didn't strategize, prepare, and make an effort. Don't tolerate excuses, stories, and blame for why a goal wasn't reached and a target wasn't …

Giving up a long held belief or lifestyle, even one that works against you, isn't easy. Beating up on yourself doesn't help, nor does trying to hurry the process along. Like a cigarette smoker who only wants to stop smoking--but never gives stopping an honest try, wishing alone doesn't help …