But where do the "I cant's" originate? How do they become imprinted? When do we internalize them as our own? Why do we do this? These are good questions and deserve a thoughtful response, but first it is essential that the issue of loyalty be addressed. Your parents brought you …

The answer from the adults was no answer at all. We love to hate it, but it would be a mistake to underestimate the role that exercise plays in helping to upgrade the body's ability to be an effective anti-stress "surge protector." According to researchers at the Mayo Clinic, exercise …

We can also create such an environment as well if needed. Impulsivity means you're more willing to take risks and have a bias for action, act now while the opportunity is hot instead of getting into analysis paralysis. Many entrepreneurs have ADD i.e. Paul Orfalea who founded Kinko's, JetBlue …

At least I didn't have to call my wife for help. It's always a moral victory and a personal triumph when I can find something without needing my wife's help. Premature Invalidators can be protective in nature, keeping you from trying new things so you won't be disappointed. On the …

Brain freeze may be new to you, but it's a significant problem if you have it. Let's go through these problems and, of course, some strategies for coping with them. That was slow and laborious. Then I realized I could use the "find and replace" tool in Microsoft Word. I …

Able to run 14 apps at a time and effortlessly switch between each without breaking a sweat. Able to do several projects at a time with ease. You're able to keep going on a project (if it's interesting, ADDers are more into creative and entrepreneurial activities than clerical and repetitive …

It's not so difficult, but it is required. It's okay if you're skeptical. Consider opening up your mental door of possibilities. This is your journey into the workings of your inner self. The journey that will enable you to start understanding you and what it takes to make changes that …

For example, I have had students as well as clients who were afraid to try to succeed because they feared that they would fail, which was worse than actually trying and failing. They never excelled in anything because they never even tried to do so, despite their often strong potential …

Wrong! In fact, achievement perfectionists are likely to be in a state of constant anxiety, whether or not they are producing good prose. They never know when the productivity might come to a screeching halt. If Julia has been mean or disrespectful in the past, it may very well be …

For them, a good relationship is one where people leave each other alone. Unfortunately, that's not the whole picture. Life would be much simpler if you only had to deal with only the "I cans." Have you ever heard voices that say the exact opposite and talk you out of …

Not being able to see didn't help either. The vision problem has nothing to do with ADD, unless there's some brain damage affecting both, which I doubt. With no fine motor coordination nor ability to see, I couldn't play baseball or basketball, but I could play in the line, somewhat …

We sometimes hear about near-death experiences from the news or even from someone we know and trust. These mysterious and powerful experiences usually involve a person being pronounced clinically dead for a few minutes but who is then brought back to life. It is fascinating, and for many of us …

I do it while I'm brushing my teeth. The book says it may take six to twelve months to see results. I've been doing it for about six months and can't say I've seen any improvement in my ADD, but my balancing is definitely better. That can't be a bad …

And if we are closely involved with them, it's helpful if they know about and understand our ADD problems, although we need to use some care in who and what we tell. We can let others know what kinds of things are helpful to us and what kinds of things …

Do you let others know how you are feeling on the inside? Do you ever look for something you have done wrong, thinking that there must be something? If so, give an example. Do you ever feel like you are putting one over on others who are impressed with you …

Fortunately, we can apply the six-step method discussed in the introduction! I must not make mistakes. Therefore, if I make a mistake, it will mean I'm worthless/a failure/a screw-up. I've made a mistake, failed, or otherwise fallen short. Therefore, I'm worthless/a failure/a screw-up. It should now …

They come from the third layer of our psychological experience. We recalibrated her thinking away from weight and more around honoring a daily commitment. Each day she would eat according to her food plan. Each day she would practice meditation. Each day she would do physical activity. She would no …

I texted my friend and didn't get a response! How could I NOT feel anxious and upset?" The problem is that this statement assumes that everyone would feel the exact same way about this event as you do. Although many people feel anxious when a friend doesn't text them back …

Nevertheless, your choice of the first guiding virtue to work on will depend on what type of perfectionist you are. For example, if you are an achievement perfectionist, then adopting and working on unconditional self-acceptance as your guiding virtue can help you overcome the self-destructive tendency to belittle yourself when …

But if you take the time to calm your body down, turn off your fear-based reactive brain, and turn on your thinking brain, you will be in a much better place to respond to the specific event that triggered your anxiety. The key is "think small." In fact, the smaller …

This respect avoids damning the world as a whole just because it has some negative aspects. Instead, you appreciate that an imperfect world, where there are bad or undesirable things, can still be a good place. So, for example, despite the existence of poverty, sickness, and death, you do not …

Some of these findings also indicate that volunteers who devote a considerable amount of time to volunteer activities (about 100 hours per year) are most likely to exhibit positive health outcomes. I ran the samples. One day I got a very high number. I thought they'd found a really rich …

The only problem was, I couldn't do it. I couldn't decide what temperature the bouncing dial was reading. That flustered me and I couldn't keep up. We all got pretty frustrated, as well as hot. The engineers uneasily decided to let me try the driving while one of them did …

I just finished reading about this guy!" These two men are close in age, good athletes, intelligent, and have frustrated parents who are sometimes critical and tired of supporting them. Both men have difficulty with bosses, with holding a job, and with finding a field that works for them. This …

In each of these instances, your fear-threat system -- the part of your brain that is supposed to help you respond to imminent threats to your health and safety -- is actually being hijacked by something that may be concerning but is certainly not an imminent threat. What difference does this make …

In this case, return to normalcy or homeostasis is linked to getting rid of the stressor--namely, eliminating the lack of approval. Anxiety, on the other hand, is akin to suffering a pinched nerve in the brain's fear-threat system. The pain is real enough, but it's the result of something happening …

Not if we have ADD. That was on the notes home from school, "Johnny needs to try harder." Then we had to deal with the reaction from home. "Why don't you try harder?" (the underlying meaning of Wilton's "You can do better." ) This had a significant effect on us, on …

You either understand everything I say or you're no good as a therapist, or you don't care about me at all. This is perfectionism, one of the things which feeds procrastination, and these are also examples of-all-or nothing thinking. Perfectionism also leads to my wanting to play the piano well …

I acknowledged that she was feeling lousy and was disappointed and discouraged. I persuaded her to do the math and she was able to see that she had still lost fifteen pounds, which is not a small feat. Then I asked her to name some of the ways she was …

Yes, you do have a say in your life. Remember, No excuses. Find a way. Believe for a miracle. Press on till you win. Don't quit! What is your relationship with your health and money? Explain. What is your level of discipline over your health, and finances? Are you more …

We need to receive positive reinforcement for accomplishing things, even if we have to give it to ourselves, which is often the case. We're not good at rewarding ourselves and we need to intentionally practice. We can set up rewards as a motivating factor for a specific task. Just the …

I do. Interestingly, Dotty notes that she has also become less critical of other people and she is getting along better with some of them, not just with her husband. Therapy can produce some wonderful results. Flare-ups are a normal part of life for those with persistent pain. Many flare-ups …

Decreasing toxic forms of perfectionism can lessen these conditions simultaneously (Lowndes et al., 2018). The truth is, anxiety is such a commonplace experience that we often feel like there is something wrong with us when we aren't feeling anxious. We wonder what new threat to our security or peace we …

Other people are in charge of theirs. You are the expert on your life, and you get to judge what is best for you. You do not have to justify yourself to others. Others do not have to justify themselves to you. People can ask you anything they want to …

If you value the relationship more, you may let go of the attempt to make her stop smoking. These choices are not easy, but you can approach them assertively. This negative self-talk is very damaging and we do it a lot. It just keeps eroding our morale, damaging our self-esteem …

In the 1960s, my dad was an astute businessman, entrepreneur, and an avid runner. As a preteen, I can recall many times I'd joined him as he ran around the lake in Denver, Colorado. Being so young and not really understanding the health benefits of running, one day I asked …

One of her strongest memories from childhood was of being told, over and over, "You can do better than this!" And she could have done better, if she hadn't had ADD. But whatever she did was never good enough. She has a severe problem finishing things and with organizing. Wilton …

This makes them more likely to agree with the good points you make. Point out common ground. Draw attention to the things you agree on with the other person. This helps make the differences between your opinions feel smaller. The key to healthy, adaptable perfectionism is in your expectations. So …

How is meditation benefiting you? Make a list of benefits. If you have never practiced meditation before, when do you plan to get started? Are you ready to go to the next level of meditation? If so, what do you plan to practice? Wilton would have a stressful day at …

The people in one group were asked to sit or stand in `power poses'. Some were seated at desks, asked to put their feet up on the table, look straight ahead and interlock their hands behind the back of their heads. Others stood straight, feet apart, head up and hands …