I believe that positive change is possible for me

Seeing pictures of my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend on social media never takes me to a good place. I constantly compare myself to her in every way--looks, career, kids, finances, and friends. You name it, and I've compared it! Do you frequently compare yourself to others in real life or on social …

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Pajama Walks

James's upward comparisons left him feeling like his life was inferior in every way. They also made him feel as if he were incapable of making good decisions for himself. When he saw pictures of his friends on social media or read updates, more times than not he was left …

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The Keys to Your Laboratory

An example of polarized thinking is, I'm a complete failure, while my sister is a complete success or He's perfect at everything he does, and I'm a total klutz or I'm unlucky all the time, while my best friend is always lucky. In a nutshell, black-and-white thinking oversimplifies the fact …

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Amnesia and forgetfulness

I had a powerful experience in my early twenties that helped me understand the power of owning my identity. It was my first year of college and I still didn't even have language that would help me understand my gender identity or sexual orientation. I became fascinated with a woman …

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Feeling trapped working for someone else

Back to Joanne In time, as our therapeutic sessions continued, Joanne began to talk about her genuine feelings of sadness related to her oldest daughter's imminent departure for college. I never got the chance to know my mom before she died eight years ago. My mom kept her feelings hidden …

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Keeping it regular

Kayla was well on her way. She was building up her sense of self, and she was forming secure and positive relationships both online and off. If you fall into the anxiously or avoidantly attachment categories, don't despair. As I've said, attachment styles can be made to feel more secure …

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The Ones Who Leave the Jungle

Furthermore, this policy simply evades the difficult and controversial question as to whether students should be given training in therapy as part of a master's degree program. Without taking sides on this issue, it appears to the faculty involved in this program that it is more crucial at the present …

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What's fair is fair

The task had much reality for these personal counselors, since the problem presented by the client was a vocational one, with many emotional concomitants and indications of personal maladjustment. The client material was always the same with only those minimal adjustments following the counselor's responses which might be necessary to …

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How to Help Build Better Brains

In an environment where we can initiate and manage online and offline social connections, social media not only serves as a means of entertainment and socializing, but it also serves attachment functions. In this article, you'll learn about the origins of attachment theory, the three main categories of attachment (secure …

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What would you do in each situation?

It was a bit hard for me and my friends to roll with his social gaffes when we first met him, as he inadvertently insulted several people, much to his partner's chagrin. Over time we've come to accept that it's simply part of his makeup. When he says or does …

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Hear yourself

The simplest answer seems to be the requirement of a background of conventional training in the whole field of psychology. That this is a necessary prerequisite to therapeutic training is disproved by the facts. Many psychiatrists become good therapists with almost no background in the general field of psychology. In …

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Shift Your Focus

For example, I forgot my neighbor's name. My difficulty accepting my mistake kept me mired in self-judgment, condemning me to feel bad rather than to change my behavior. It was only when I accepted my inadequacy that I could consider strategies that allowed me to manage it. Eventually, I found …

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The courage of heroism in the usual sense

She knew I had been hurt but just couldn't take on the time and emotional work of helping me understand that she needed to prioritize taking care of herself. Her rejection really had nothing to do with me and everything to do with surviving her circumstances. That our friendship has …

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When do you let others help you?

They are willing to help me in any way. I feel understood and affirmed by them. Based on decades of my clinical experience and training, it's not just having people in our lives that supports our emotional and physical health. In fact, many people who are already in relationships enter …

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You listen to your body and accept the passage of time

For example, Jessie's father had multiple affairs when she was growing up. And she was willing to examine the factors from her present life as well that were also contributing to her carrying on an emotional affair with Steve, like the stressors of being a stay-at-home wife and mother and …

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Your friend isn't talking much

It is possible that, because psychologists feel secure in regard to their work in diagnosis, and somewhat insecure in the newer field of therapy, they tend to postpone its consideration. As to the third reason, (c), most psychiatrists regard it as extremely unfortunate that the medical student receives so little …

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Embrace change

And with people about whom I know little -- clerks, streetcar conductors, casual acquaintances -- I feel myself better able to try to see things as they appear to them, though it can hardly be termed adopting their frame of reference as there is little communication in these instances. It does help …

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How to Handle Yourself When Other People Challenge You

Our experience has corroborated the theoretical principle that self-evaluation is the most desirable mode of appraisal in a student-centered course. The greater the freedom to use self-evaluation in such a situation, the more obviously favorable have been the results. Students experience the task of self-appraisal as one more opportunity for …

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What if I already was?

I will do that in these specific ways: Keep It Going Life, in Balance You now have the basic training for getting your life under control. The student reacts with some emotion to the experience of being put on his own. A brief statement of this reaction, which would be …

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Who feels trembly?

As you read through each article of Logged In and Stressed-Out you will learn How to deepen virtual relationships and boost IRL relationships How our attachment style impacts our attachment to devices, technology, and social media How to turn negative feelings resulting from social-media use into opportunities for emotional growth …

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I'm OK just the way I am

For example, right here in section 1094b and 1095a in my reprint, I've underlined them. His first sentence starts with Now, the second says, and further. This remark was designed to understand the feeling and to clarify the idea expressed by Mr C in such a way that he realized …

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It's you against the problem, not each other

This includes the world around you, outside of your home. It involves an engagement with your community, social life, clubs, activities--whatever you do that is rewarding and that connects you with people you enjoy being with. On Level Three, we get all kinds of the positives we're looking to load …

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PART III The Freedom Plan

I feel that what I do contributes to something larger than myself: my organization, my industry, my community, my nation, or humanity. What's Your Contribution? Only about 30 percent of people naturally make it to a Level Three connection. Why do you think so few engage with their jobs in …

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Your Legacy

They just seem completely bogged down by their environmental situations sometimes. Mr J: Miss E, it seems that in all our discussions you seem to feel pressed to manipulate the counseling situation. You really resist the point of view that so many of us have that the client really has …

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Avoid Over-Planning

The activity of the leader developed in the direction of sensitive recognition of the attitudes and ideas expressed by the members of the group. This involved an understanding of the needs of the members of the group, and a positive judgment to avoid participation when the interaction between the group …

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Focus and Technology

In my youth, I committed (drug-related) crimes equivalent to those committed by the majority of people in prison today. I wasn't criminalized or punished. I was supported. In this man's face, I could see the stark injustice of one American losing decades of his life for stuff that I, another …

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I experience others keeping their word

Raising the minimum wage, for instance, and providing affordable housing and health care. Social tools that build community and address the spiritual void that arises from materialism, like drum circles or community gardens, can also make a difference. When we focus on the financial, mental, emotional, and physical well-being of …

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Love is actually conditional

Many of us had a hard time getting rid of this dependence. Some never did. As for me, I waddled along for the first three or four weeks rather confused and sometimes indifferent. Later I began reading and thinking about this and that in therapy. Instead, look for strategies to …

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