By honoring what once was

Suppose we asked, what are his purposes in the course, what does he wish to learn, how can we facilitate his learning and his growth? A very different type of education would ensue. An educational program -- whether at the elementary, college, or graduate level -- which had the facilitation of learning …

more ...

Love is supposed to be unconditional

These studies, as well as our experiences, have led us to expect that standards, values, and decisions arrived at by group members themselves will be accepted to a greater degree by the group members than those that are not arrived at in this way. Lewin and Grabbe have stated this …

more ...

Take the ball and run

Iceberg Belief: I need to be at work. Ice Breaker: Do I really need' to be at work, or do Ichoose' to be at work? I need to keep a job, but I don't always have to be the first one to arrive and the last to leave. Iceberg …

more ...


You must love in order to be loved

Whatever your issues, whether shopping, reactive anger, perfectionism, workaholism, or substance abuse, it's not easy to break conditioned responses. They're wired into you and it takes effort to disrupt the pathways. But science and history show it is possible. I don't want to label all coping behaviors as bad. Andrew's …

more ...

Afraid of bankruptcy

But in this instance, Jan was coming up against a very real internal struggle between serving her family and serving herself. More often than not, she would skip the run and feel the consequences of doing so, perhaps in the form of bad food choices, restlessness in her desk chair …

more ...

Can you be more specific?

In our modern age, scholars continue to shape and influence this work by viewing body liberation through the lens of anti-Blackness, striving to stop the cyclical machine of anti-Black death. Rachel Cargle, Tressie McMillan Cottom, Brienne Colston, Da'Shaun Harrison, Samantha Irby, Myles E. Johnson, Kiese Laymon, Ijeoma Oluo, Ilya Parker …

more ...

I am willing to love my body and feed it with care

These statements seem to attest to the fact that group members need to feel that others listen to their contributions and try to understand. Without this feeling, they feel threatened, they tend to hold back and retreat from the group, or they make renewed efforts to get their individual point …

more ...


Love is actually my life purpose

Assuming they had reached Asia, they referred to the inhabitants they encountered as Indians. I chose to use Native Americans as it appears to be the term most commonly accepted among Indigenous people, though I recognize that it is not uniformly accepted. Jim Crow laws were laws that enforced racial …

more ...

What's important is that you make the leap

Furthermore, because group-centered leadership fosters active participation on the part of group members, interaction among members increases, thus making it likely that they will learn how they affect others and how they function as members of a democratic group. We shall again draw upon some of the statements obtained through …

more ...

Conflict Resolution and Collaboration

When used exclusively, and during the early stages of the group's development, group-oriented reflections frequently arouse considerable resistance. This may be due to the fact that frequently not all group members perceive the same group dynamics as does the leader. Conveying Acceptance The extent to which the leader can convey …

more ...

I don't enjoy eating

The health care mandate Do No Harm also goes by the wayside when considering short people. The idea that height is important for all things, from finding love to earning higher paychecks,7 to succeeding in life and being taken seriously, is well documented in the scientific literature. It didn't …

more ...

Nobody is going to like you if you keep misbehaving

Or consider the People of Color who have experienced trauma resulting from abusive police practices or know others who have. Or consider the fat people who are denied routine health care, like access to life-saving transplants or gender-affirming surgeries; Or consider the communities that face higher risk of cancer because …

more ...


Waves of conceptualization

A group will distrust a leader whom they feel is subtly manipulating them to reach his goals. There is also good reason for the leader to be sensitive to resistance to his planning and to be willing to discard his plans should the group decide to reject them. Getting Members …

more ...

What Did You Say to Me?

To increase the frequency of that positive emotion, you need to reorient your thinking and train yourself to focus on times when you feel the spark of being fully invested in or lit up by something. Scan for Interest and Engagement Start with your positive intention. Say to yourself, I …

more ...

What Do Your Kids Need from You ?

I'm not sure I understand what -- Bill: That much of the operation of women in these social groups is not a function of choice on their part. It's not satisfying their personal needs. It is a function of the role that society kinda forces them into. Please show yourself some …

more ...

Afraid of the financial implications of getting a divorce

Like negative emotions, positive emotions each come with telltale physical signs to help you recognize them. When we experience negative emotions, it's easy to feel the full impact on our bodies, minds, and behaviors. We can identify the familiar weight of sadness bearing down or the tears stinging the back …

more ...

Disagree and commit

Even those of us who don't think of ourselves as traumatized go through times where our brain pattern mimics a trauma response: our prefrontal cortex goes offline and we get caught in the grip of reactivity. Fortunately, you don't have to stay stuck in these conditioned responses. You can rewire …

more ...

Lack of Vision

For example, maybe you lack the energy to clean your house or go grocery shopping, but that doesn't mean you're lazy. Few people are. More likely, if you consider yourself lazy, you just don't have energy reserves to draw on because you're so busy surviving, or you've devoted all your …

more ...

Liberty is slow fruit

So what's a busy person to do? The answer to that question is to connect to something deeper than what you see on the surface. Hang on--we'll explain. There are lots of things we all need to do that can feel like a drain. You gotta have something to whittle …

more ...

The Audience and You

For example: My Good Stuff Read through your Good Stuff list and really take a moment to absorb how those events make you feel. It's an instant lift, isn't it? They feel they are not being judged or evaluated. They feel they are being understood -- the therapist is listening carefully …

more ...

What if I asked her out?

As long as people feel that others are paying little attention to what they say, they are likely either to keep pressing their point or to withdraw with the feeling that their contributions are not valuable or not welcome. How do groups acquire the practice of attending carefully to each …

more ...


Be more productive

It is seen as a function carried out by a person. It is something invested in one particular group member. Whether or not that member is perceived as being differentiated from the others as regards responsibility, authority, skill, knowledge, status, or power -- the fact is that the differentiation is made …

more ...

Discipline Over Motivation

Which path you choose depends on the usefulness of the iceberg. EMBRACE THE ICEBERG (WHILE SHAVING OFF THE TROUBLE SPOTS) Some icebergs reflect what we like about ourselves and want to keep, like I should always be there for the people I love. Those core values are worth keeping. It …

more ...


Peace of mind with family

And because he holds such values, the group-centered leader is more comfortable adopting a role that seems to him consistent with these values. Group-centered leadership has its origins in the application of principles of client-centered psychotherapy to groups and organizations. Consequently, it is to be expected that the group-centered leader …

more ...


What are we missing?

If someone turns you down for a social event, you leap to the interpretation that they don't like you, not even considering that they may have had previous plans. You may be easily triggered, reacting in ways that seem inappropriate or out of proportion. You may get lost in ruminations …

more ...

Be self-compassionate

Any child of mine should do well in school/be popular. The Social Domain encompasses the world of relationships, intimate partners, children, in-laws, siblings, extended family members, friends, and social acquaintances. Common social icebergs include: It's my job to make sure people are happy. Although we have much to learn …

more ...

I sometimes feel guilty after eating

My friends who are wheelchair users know this all too well. They need to advocate for special accommodation when the reality is that the world around them is specifically disregarding their needs and limiting their ability to participate. A few months later, at the same gym, for amped-up reasons, I …

more ...

The Power of Visualization

It acts behind the scenes, so, for example, if you feel discomfort with the temperature, you may put on a sweatshirt or strip down. Pleasure, pain, and distress are important aspects of the regulatory system as they motivate us to act in ways that support homeostasis and survival. The distress …

more ...

Things every mother should tell her daughter

That is, how successfully a group adjusts to an internal disruptive force depends upon its employing direct and appropriate methods of attack on the problem. This principle has its counterpart in individual behavior. A person finds himself in a conflict-producing situation which upsets his own equilibrium. He becomes tense and …

more ...

Did your throat or stomach tighten in a knot?

As therapy progresses and other members gain from the experience, relationship between pre-therapy adjustment and quality of activity as a therapist disappears. However, throughout the course of therapy, the members who are initially most anxious and most hostile, as determined by Rorschach records, use criticism, evaluation, and disapproval to a …

more ...

Homework Helper

Look over your list from the previous step, and place a total ban on the places you multitask eat: on the couch, in the car, in bed. As of today, declare no more food allowed in those spots. Identify the activities and ban eating during those, too: watching TV, driving …

more ...