Alcoholism eventually killed his father despite the best efforts he and his family made to interrupt this very vicious circle. As a clinical psychologist, Prochaska, along with his colleague Carlo DiClemente, sought out smokers who had successfully quit on their own to better understand the mechanisms of change. People initially …

Even my elderly father and one of my sisters and her husband had come in from across the country. We were joined by her cousin Meaghan, who was close to Lauren and had recently had a baby as well. What a joyful, boisterous gathering it was! The tree was fourteen …

Though affairs and direct expressions of rage are the most common examples, other forms of acting out can undercut such processing. Links and Stockwell use the example of a narcissist who acted out his anger by impulsively purchasing a second home thus sending the couple into bankruptcy. If you cannot …

I asked the girl's name and we were introduced. Then the girl's mother asked if my husband and I had any children. I was very pleased with the response that emerged, since I'm never quite sure what's going to come out. I have no pat answer; But this time I …

Refusing to be the villain, she backtracked clarifying that his behavior was what she disliked. He frequently turned things around this way, effectively inhibiting her expressions of anger. Years later, she desperately wanted him out of her home where he had been living free without contributing to expenses. But her …

Wouldn't it be better for us to look for other solutions to our problems? The people laughed at the little girl and said, What does she know? She's just a child! And they all turned back to the logical man to hear more about how the earth should be different …

Then you get used to it, and you want more of it. It's a validating feeling. You want to continue--you want people looking at you. What seemed to captivate Katie most was the intimate attention she received from fans. She said, It's a high. They (viewers) would remember things. I …

With that kind of approach, you'll find you're able to bypass others' defensiveness and help them feel safe enough to be open to what you have to say. Yield Theory offers a practical and efficacious methodology for handling conflict. It's not complex to learn, but it takes effort to master …

If the cornerstone of Yield Theory is circumventing people's fight-or-flight responses so you can talk to them in ways that can actually be heard, then it's essential to understand the impact the words you use have on others. One of the first words I teach people to avoid is why …

instead, he desired that the children should have behaved differently than they did. He felt disrespected and acted out of anger; yet his angry action did nothing to show the children a better path. You might view the turtle as foolish, but you are no different from him when you …

So, remembering her is a kindness. We sense you tread softly, as you skirt the abyss But it helps us, you see, when you do reminisce. Do you worry of adding to our pain and our strife By reminding us that she is gone from our life? Our daughter has …

Scores of articles and neurological studies have touted the physiological changes that occur in the brains of regular meditators. Meditation makes observable changes that are extremely beneficial, such as quieting the default-mode network (those interconnected neurons that contribute to our constantly running internal dialogue), decreasing unnecessary impulsive reactions, and increasing …

Jean: That has nothing to do with it. I am your spouse, and I am entitled to your unconditional support. To say her partner's views have nothing to do with it is a form of banishment. For Jean, providing unconditional support means John must suppress his own thoughts and views …

Her Mormon religion gave her strength when she needed it most, and isn't that really what faith is for? To be there for the hardest times and help you to survive them? Not just to hope but to be absolutely certain that there will be light and love and forgiveness …

An echoist may banish her own needs as an assumed prerequisite for relationships. What these examples share is a theme of deprivation and emotional malnourishment. How can one break open the circle of banishment enough to let in light, fresh air, and food for growth? look at some starting points …

Feel better when you're with her. Invest in this relationship and get a better payoff than you do at home. Complain about your demanding wife and bond through your pain. Have great sex. Feel alive. Be assured that this new woman is committed to you, then tell your wife it's …

Eventually we would find a way to smile that showed a return of the sparkle in our eyes; As time goes on and your own healing begins and continues, the immense pain of loss dissipates among those who knew your loved one. As much as it hurts to witness this …

The hand scoffed. No, I grab what I want! But the other body parts chimed in and made the hand aware that he played a similar role as the feet. Conceding that point but no other, the hand said, Yes, but at least I don't spend my days dragging on …

Those two syllables carry such immense, debilitating power that they completely erase every good intention to which they may be attached (however tenuously). At least you have a grandchild. At least she didn't suffer. At least you didn't have to watch her die. At least you still have a husband …

Spinning Away Anyone who has been abruptly dumped, ghosted, or otherwise cut off from a relationship that seemed to be going well knows the hell of banishment. You want to ask why; The word hell derives from the idea of separation. Its Old Norse origins refer to a concealed place …

I ask and search and come up with few answers, eventually arriving at the conclusion that we might as well just cash it all in--not that there's a king's ransom--and divide the money before we go. The whole prospect of having your family blueprints curl up in flames is so …

Oswalt responded to these (mostly) anonymous critics by echoing the sentiments of a blogger who basically said that no one gets to sit in judgment of what a widow or widower does when their own partner is perched right next to them. No one who hasn't had the routine of …

How can the passing of hours, days, weeks, years have any meaning when you're struggling with what your entire life and survival are about? Nothing makes sense, not even the simplest, most basic rules of our existence, including the inevitable march of time. We were grateful--happy, even--that Phil had found …

Doing so with my father meant withstanding the anxiety that he would either fall apart or take me apart. Here's the rest of that story: I was stuck at first, fuming with anger but also emotionally captive to his vulnerability. Anything I said provoked a response that kept the focus …

Of course, that didn't stop some from jumping to the wrong conclusions, but at least we tried, through the journal, the newspaper interview and, of course, the airwaves, where my colleagues at CHFI told listeners of Lauren's sudden and inexplicable passing. As we drove up to the house, we saw …

Anyway, it made sense to us. I haven't seen a lot of open caskets in my life, but I remember that when our friend Kathy Morrison died of brain cancer in her forties, she appeared in her casket very much as she did in life: beautiful. Our Lauren was not …

She had such beautiful hands, and she used them to span octaves on a keyboard, form bar chords on a guitar and reach for distant notes on the long, smooth neck of a cello. How we loved those soft, sweet hands. Then Rob and I did something we hadn't done …

Very clearly, Colin said the word mama. It's entirely possible--likely, even--that at seven months old, his lips had just made that sound quite by accident. I looked at Phil in disbelief. How fertile the myth of the young Telemachus has been for modern writers who are searching for their own …

I am so grateful to have felt secure enough to be openly vulnerable and human. I don't remember much, other than that kindness from the flight attendant who offered Rob and me privacy. She probably offered us a drink too, and I'm sure it was only the support of Rob …

I think back to the words that I said quietly to my husband as we walked from our hotel room back to the lobby and the shuttle that would eventually take our grieving party to the airport in Montego Bay. This is who we are now, I muttered. Rob replied …

It certainly caught mine. After giving myself the you're worth it pep talk, I bought the ring and wore it every day for years, even after Rob had given me an engagement and then wedding ring to wear on my left hand. When Lauren was a teen, I asked her …

If there is a paucity of facts, people are going to start to make up details and post sheer conjecture, especially when a healthy young woman dies so suddenly, so senselessly. I set aside my worries about how it might appear--a grieving mother agreeing to an interview--and decided to try …

I had confided in my friend during Lauren's teen years, and also during the early days in her radio career. The news of Lauren's death hit her hard; Then we called Rob's older sister, with whom Lauren had shared so many wonderful sleepovers. Even in the cases of abstract artists …

I just don't remember the moment. Mike's response--echoing almost everyone else we told that day--was to keep repeating the word What? Like Ian, Mike knew and loved Lauren. The very fact that the creative act is such an encounter between two poles is what makes it so hard to study …

As we do when we're trying to make sense of an unexpected experience, I rapidly sorted through the people to whom this bad news might be connected: Had something happened to my eighty-two-year-old father? No, that would result in a call from one of my three sisters. This was Patricia …

Fearing, I suspect, for the hotel guests' peaceful sleep as much as our sanity, a staff member gently told us she had opened the luggage storage room next to the front desk, if we needed privacy. if going into some kind of autopilot mode, remembering the be on your best …

Arrangements were made for Rob, me, Mike and Ian to return to Toronto that afternoon. Jackie and the rest of our station staff would stay in Jamaica to entertain listeners during the week-long trip they'd won. The swift and horrible changes that had been made to everyone's plans that morning …

Like zombies, we waited in our room until the bellman arrived to take our bags, and then we quietly shuffled back to that cursed lobby--where we discovered that the drama in that particular part of the hotel wasn't yet over. As we were getting set to climb into the van …

Adam--senior VP of Rogers Radio, my boss and my friend--joined our midday host, Michelle Butterly, and spoke on the edge of tears, her voice filled with emotion. got the news first thing this morning, just after 6 a. we got them on a plane right away--Erin and Rob, Mike Cooper …

It wasn't as if we'd been moaning and crying loudly on the trip home; I might just as easily have been watching The Notearticle on my iPad. No, it was just an extremely compassionate gesture on the part of the WestJet crew. Hofmann went on to say, interestingly enough, that …