Be a broken record

Better late than never, of course! Unfortunately, it has taken some of these students a decade or more to learn this lesson. Because I don't know why Julia didn't respond to my text and whether or not she is annoyed by texts like that, I will make a point of …

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Understanding our false self

Our close relatives, the chimpanzees, use an intermediate form of bipedalism, where they walk using a combination of their hands and feet. This adaption is known as `knucklewalking', and it is not an especially efficient way of getting around.5 Many birds also walk on land on two legs - but …

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Be aware of your thoughts, feelings and responses

This step requires asking the question, "What experiences have I had to support the healthier and more productive view I discerned in Step Five?" After all the feelings are sorted out comes the moment when the truth is told. Admitting that your feelings are yours, owning them as your reality …

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How to overcome a fear of failure

A sixteenth-century philosopher who laid the foundations of scientific inquiry, Bacon advises us to clear our minds of certain preconceptions that can destroy our ability to think objectively. Within the general structure of my life I also have some schedules. Life goes better if I stick to a schedule. This …

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Why is meditation important?

Note that each of these thoughts is a particular type of desolation (to use Saint Ignatius' term), because each one makes it more difficult to draw near to God or to cooperate with his grace. These thoughts make it harder to pursue meaningful, intimate, and virtuous responses to our problems …

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It's ok to ask for time

The person who catastrophizes lives in a perpetual state of "But what if? What if?" When feelings are not dealt with, they become bottled up and create a blockage, both personally and interpersonally. This, in turn, isolates you from yourself and your world. The fastest and surest way to become …

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Do you take ownership of your stress?

Now he's trying to find a direction. The second quality that consolations will always point toward is intimacy. Research in positive psychology points out that happy, peaceful people work hard to make their relationships as strong and healthy as they reasonably can (Seligman, 2004). Our Catholic tradition agrees that strong …

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Are you in denial of the stresses in your life?

Building upon Saint Ignatius' model, I argue that, drawing from other teachings both in our Christian tradition and in research in positive psychology (a branch of psychology that studies the habits and thinking patterns of emotionally healthy, happy people) can further clarify what consolations and desolations look like. Specifically, consolations …

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Go and give someone a great big hug

The sixteenth-century political philosopher Thomas Hobbes says to treat others with the same dignity with which you would want to be treated. Hobbes puts his own spin on the golden rule: "Do not that to another which you would not have done to yourself" (Hobbes, 1939, 172). In disrespecting others …

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Surround yourself with positive and like-minded people

You experience unpleasant physiological, psychological, and/or emotional symptoms. You experience trauma at the thought or reality of separating from your addiction. You become angry, justify your right to have or use it, and act out to preserve your right to do what you want. If you had to flee …

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Take care of your safety

If we have ADD, we generally have a shortened attention span, although if something has really turned on our focus center we may be able to stick with it for a long time. We're on a roll. We're in hyper-focus. What did you tell yourself about yourself? Were you self-critical …

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Face your problems head-on

Unable to meet their own needs and incapable of meeting each other's, the couple, (possibly your parents), look outside themselves to a third possible alternative, what about a baby! A baby would give them a joint focus, something to create together, and a tangible way to partner that is as …

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Learn what you can

The picking on each other started and continued. "If she could drop just a few pounds." "That laugh is so shrill." "Those socks are too short," and "I can't stand the way he drives." "He watches way too much TV." "She is so uptight about money," your parents might have …

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Plan for the unexpected

Instead she must adapt a false self in order to cope with her world. This is a coping mechanism or facade. The compulsive drive to feel whole, complete, adequate, and euphoric in any form comes from the innate emptiness or void inside. The pursuit of inner peace or wholeness takes …

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Stand up for what you believe

My first experience with brain freeze was on my first test in college. It was a chemistry test, the first test in my life that I had any doubt about. I wrote my name on the answer sheet, looked at the questions, didn't have a clue, and froze. My brain …

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Discover your rainbow

But where do the "I cant's" originate? How do they become imprinted? When do we internalize them as our own? Why do we do this? These are good questions and deserve a thoughtful response, but first it is essential that the issue of loyalty be addressed. Your parents brought you …

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Acknowledge your choices

The answer from the adults was no answer at all. We love to hate it, but it would be a mistake to underestimate the role that exercise plays in helping to upgrade the body's ability to be an effective anti-stress "surge protector." According to researchers at the Mayo Clinic, exercise …

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Create a mindset for change

We can also create such an environment as well if needed. Impulsivity means you're more willing to take risks and have a bias for action, act now while the opportunity is hot instead of getting into analysis paralysis. Many entrepreneurs have ADD i.e. Paul Orfalea who founded Kinko's, JetBlue …

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Keep your life balanced

At least I didn't have to call my wife for help. It's always a moral victory and a personal triumph when I can find something without needing my wife's help. Premature Invalidators can be protective in nature, keeping you from trying new things so you won't be disappointed. On the …

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Select healthy coping skills

Brain freeze may be new to you, but it's a significant problem if you have it. Let's go through these problems and, of course, some strategies for coping with them. That was slow and laborious. Then I realized I could use the "find and replace" tool in Microsoft Word. I …

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Don't normalize stress

Able to run 14 apps at a time and effortlessly switch between each without breaking a sweat. Able to do several projects at a time with ease. You're able to keep going on a project (if it's interesting, ADDers are more into creative and entrepreneurial activities than clerical and repetitive …

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Setting a consequence

It's not so difficult, but it is required. It's okay if you're skeptical. Consider opening up your mental door of possibilities. This is your journey into the workings of your inner self. The journey that will enable you to start understanding you and what it takes to make changes that …

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Dealing with someone who is not cooperating

For example, I have had students as well as clients who were afraid to try to succeed because they feared that they would fail, which was worse than actually trying and failing. They never excelled in anything because they never even tried to do so, despite their often strong potential …

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Expressing an opinion

Wrong! In fact, achievement perfectionists are likely to be in a state of constant anxiety, whether or not they are producing good prose. They never know when the productivity might come to a screeching halt. If Julia has been mean or disrespectful in the past, it may very well be …

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Creativity and follow through

For them, a good relationship is one where people leave each other alone. Unfortunately, that's not the whole picture. Life would be much simpler if you only had to deal with only the "I cans." Have you ever heard voices that say the exact opposite and talk you out of …

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Don't let physical limitations stop you

Not being able to see didn't help either. The vision problem has nothing to do with ADD, unless there's some brain damage affecting both, which I doubt. With no fine motor coordination nor ability to see, I couldn't play baseball or basketball, but I could play in the line, somewhat …

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Pick a good time

We sometimes hear about near-death experiences from the news or even from someone we know and trust. These mysterious and powerful experiences usually involve a person being pronounced clinically dead for a few minutes but who is then brought back to life. It is fascinating, and for many of us …

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