Floating away from reality

There is nothing wrong with wanting to do things well or be a good worker, student, parent, partner or friend. Set yourself realistically high but not impossibly perfectionist standards. Remember that everyone is equal, regardless of ability. It is possible for someone to have greater talents or skills than you …

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Is an activity worth the effort?

As I said earlier, you could say with confidence that you were not a thief: That was a concrete distinction, no problem, no confusion, you have objective, credible data to rely on. But now, when labeled as "hopeless" or "loser" or "ugly," someone is attacking your worth. Who are you …

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Conversational scenarios

We miss reality. We enter a world of fantasy. Here is another example: You are sitting in meditation and a sound strikes your ear. It is just an indistinct noise, sort of a muffled crunch; it could be anything. What happens next will probably be something like this. "What was …

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Does optimism pay?

Knowing that we pay more attention to anecdotes, I thought they would be the best way to get the main points across. Of course, the conclusions reached here are backed by rigorous scientific investigation. The problem is, when we rely purely on anecdotal information in our everyday decision making, we …

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Embarrassment can be good

If not, be prepared to move on and spend less time with them. Negativity can be deeply ingrained. Many people get into a vicious cycle of low expectations and low achievement, which begets an inner void. In a sense, there is no bottom to their emptiness, and so trying to …

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Individual personality

Your brain and body can't tell the difference between something you vividly imagine and something that's real. That's why your mouth waters when you imagine biting into a slice of chocolate cake. You can use this to your advantage if you're feeling nervous about doing something for the first time …

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Things to do when under provoking situationds

I began my psychological schooling in a behavioral and social learning theory undergraduate program. I completed cognitive and psychodynamic studies in my doctoral program, and, finally, psychoanalytic training in post-doctoral training. I strongly believe that each of these psychotherapies offers tremendous benefits for dealing with depression. My practice style comes …

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What can i do about thoughts?

But we are holding a tension here. How do we adapt the teaching of mindfulness to a context that is distinct from the origins of this belief system and way of learning (the dharma)? Can it be successfully modified and still maintain its Buddhist historical and ethical roots, and does …

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Be bold and aware of your thoughts

That's the way I feel when I'm sitting too long, antsy. It is strange that I'm less antsy when we are sitting outside, or in a restaurant, or when we're on vacation. Why? When we're sitting in the house, I feel the office calling me, with all of the things …

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How the strong people think

To survive, we need other living beings, beings who are bound to be different from us. That is simply the way things are. Because of the differences we have, the practice of loving friendliness is absolutely necessary. It is what ties all of us together. Lemon balm has long been …

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Share time and energy with others

There is no need for a sense of self. There is only the sweep of tactile and kinesthetic sensation, an endless and ever-changing flood of raw experience. We are learning here to escape into reality, rather than from it. Whatever insights we gain are directly applicable to the rest of …

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Why do i feel so tired?

They can be an ego trap, luring you right off the track. Your best approach is not to place any emphasis on these phenomena. If they come up, that's fine. If they don't, that's fine, too. There is a point in the meditator's career where he or she may practice …

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Why body language matters

Polygrapher A found X to be guilty, B found Y to be guilty, and C found Z to be guilty. Research has shown that lie detector tests are quite unreliable--they're open to a lot of subjective interpretation. If a polygrapher has a preconceived notion of who's guilty, he can interpret …

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Achieve one goal at a time step-by-step

The greater the task, the greater the benefit. As procrastinators, we're quick to think that the greater the task, the greater the cost. We developed that way of thinking because we felt we had too much at stake to lose. We fear that dealing with tasks means losing our free …

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Consider the ideal affect

I adjust, accommodate, or avoid things in my life to minimize the trauma of triggers and encourage you to do the same. Through trial and error and self-observation you'll learn what experiences are triggers for you. Make them known to yourself, and make them known aloud to others. Insist that …

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Don't fake it

To experience these emotions strongly is to be human. Many times, these emotions prompt you to act in ways that are safe and appropriate. Other times, even if the emotion makes sense, the immediate action urge that follows does not support your best interests in the long term; plus, when …

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Humour and likability

Finally, care about what people have to say. I don't mean "appear to care" about what they have to say, I mean literally care. This is the hardest step in the process because sometimes we just don't care. It sounds callous, but it's true. Someone else's problems are just that …

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Dealing with stress

Do you absolutely have to share crude and tasteless humor and jokes on your newsfeed? Do you absolutely have to rant, rave, complain, and vent to your social media "friends"? Do you absolutely have put others down because of their political affiliations? Do you absolutely have to share your negative …

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When are these activities occurring?

Some people call it meditation and others might call it mindfulness. No matter what you call "finding inner calm," please don't overcomplicate it. You don't need a ten-thousand-dollar course to learn how to find some peace inside your head. Just sit down, be one with your thoughts, observe them, and …

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When do emotions cause problems?

Not only are depressed people plagued with self-doubts but their self-esteem plummets as well. Hold onto hope and accept that what you're going through will pass eventually. And finally, and most importantly, seek help immediately if you are feeling suicidal or have difficulty controlling thoughts of self-harm. Continue taking care …

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How to develop emotional intelligense

So, for psychotherapy to be a successful, you have to crave change, possess a curiosity of your inner world and an interest in understanding what motivates you, and tolerate a moderate degree of frustration. This is where the myth that only crazy people--or weak-minded individuals--go to therapy gets the boot …

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Repair your relationship house

They are after all working at the extreme. (Is it any wonder the military on long tours find it difficult?) Like being an astronaut on the International Space Station, there is always a way. A small plant is nature after all. Be creative. Look how creative your mind has been …

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Taking care of your body and mind

There is a definite goal. But there is no timetable. What you are doing is digging your way deeper and deeper through layers of illusion toward realization of the supreme truth of existence. The process itself is fascinating and fulfilling. It can be enjoyed for its own sake. There is …

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Creativity and follow through

You have no need to look down at others and feel "better" than them. You have no need to think certain people don't deserve to be treated the way you'd like to be treated. You have no need to EVER disrespect anyone - even if they're disrespecting you. It's the same …

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Freedom beats money

And if it's not interesting, don't put yourself down - tell a story that illustrates the diversity of your job. Every position can be described this way if you know how to go about it. Ask Educated Questions - Get in there and ask questions about the people you meet, but make …

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Say more without speaking

Of course, there are exceptions, but as Burton Malkiel notes, there is no scientific evidence to indicate that the performance of professionally managed portfolios, as a group, is any better than a randomly selected group of stocks.27 What about those few individuals who have attained considerable fame for predicting …

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Self-talk and self-fulfilling prophecies

They all turned out to be too high, no surprise given what I saw clinically. But his pulse was strong and regular. In a quiet single room surrounded by his family, he took several high doses of Librium and some fluids and began to settle down. I concluded that Tom …

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Setting a consequence

At that moment, I understood the reason behind the trials and tribulations I had endured in my past. I began to understand the divine reason for my life's journey: Its purpose was to make a difference in the world. Just knowing this valuable information closed those mental prison doors behind …

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What patterns are you noticing?

Instead, think about what you can do to overcome or prevent the things that are holding you back. Thinking about details is nothing more than doing your job. If you're a writer, your job is to write the best book you possibly can. If you're a designer, your job is …

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Being likable by not being unlikable

If location tracking is a priority, a GPS-enabled wristwatch like the GizmoWatch keeps track of kids through an app on parents' phones but only allows incoming and outgoing calls to and from select numbers. To investigate these expectations further, Chapman and Chapman gave undergraduate students thirty cards.8 Each card …

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Coping with low-intensity triggers

I believe that you have a special place in the order of life, a particular role to fill. And yes, it is one filled with vision, passion, and power. So hang on and get ready to get way more consciously into your own life. Don't feel selfish or egotistical because …

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