Avoid personal responsibility for compliance

I continued to question the validity of my findings. Meanwhile, my practice kept getting busier. I was helping people to solve their problems--to get rid of pain, anxiety, disease, even marriage and financial troubles--and they were telling their friends, and their friends started coming to me with their problems. The …

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Turn accordance into a game

The choice is yours. It always has been. Maybe you suspected that, but didn't know how to forgive. Or, maybe you didn't see a choice. At this point, I hope you see a new path forward. I have had many instances of taking someone from an eight or nine on …

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Common responses to approval

I got them sorted, mostly, through thinking electrically and learning to deal with my emotions. Sometimes all it takes is looking at things from a different perspective to realize: Holy crap, solving that problem was easier than I'd thought. You realize that when your body has enough energy, it has …

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Filter out congruity

But he was not the only crumbling foundation. Your business environment changed, but you did not. Far too many hands were grabbing at a far too small pie. This was inevitable. Your friend simply sped it along. After going to bed, do you get up again to check all electrical …

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Make time for assent today

He wasn't functioning. He was, as he says, frozen. Taking that shower was a milestone. Steven says, It takes a heck of a lot of courage to do these things when your OCD is so bad. You know, it's easy to say to somebody, `Come on, why don't you take …

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The assent approach

Let us look at a few examples: You are driving your car and all of a sudden you meet a reckless driver. What do you think? Perhaps you think something like: How can he drive like that? What an idiot! Let us reverse the situation and imagine that you are …

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Cultivate submission

I am not free from OCD, but most of the time I manage it, rather than allow it to manage me. This is a great description of applying the principle, It's not me--it's the OCD. Karen, the compulsive hoarder, also found that Refocus is one of the most helpful of …

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Standing up for compromise

But you will find that as you apply the Four Steps--Relabel, Reattribute, Refocus, Revalue--you will be able to expose yourself for longer and longer periods to those terrible thoughts and urges without performing compulsive rituals in response to them. Initially, you may have to remove yourself from the sink very …

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Make time for accession today

Marriage matters, in more ways than you may realize. In their article The Case for Marriage, journalist Maggie Gallagher and sociologist Linda J. Waite found that the happiness and satisfaction of marriage has a tremendous impact on happiness, physical and mental health, life expectancy, wealth, and the well-being of children …

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Don't expect cherishing every day

Especially if you were the one who initiated the breakup. Sociologist and Columbia University professor Diane Vaughan conducted extensive research on breakups in her article Uncoupling and found that we grieve a relationship over a certain timeline. People who initiate a breakup may have experienced negative feelings about the relationship …

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Is impartiality worth the effort?

It is a technique that does not require expensive professional therapy or the use of medications. By teaching people how to recognize the link between OCD symptoms and a biochemical imbalance in the brain, we were able to develop this method that very effectively treats persons with OCD solely with …

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Avoid personal responsibility for accord

Even though I penned it before the pandemic hit, the advice inside has helped me considerably through the coronavirus crisis. If there was ever a time to stop, breathe, and nurture yourself, it is now. First, let's clear up some confusion. Lots of people are baffled by what self-care actually …

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Is greed worth the effort?

When these people decided to welcome you into their lives, they didn't consent to always agree with you, always support you, always respect you, or even always love you. They agreed to be a spring-board from which you could leap into independence and recognize your autonomy. If it seems that …

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The tenderness approach

Here are some ways you can get more people to set you up on dates: Ask people to set you up. I know it seems simple, but many people fail to ask their friends for help. Reach out to friends and say, I am ready to find someone. Will you …

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Awareness makes submission possible

If you offer him the freedom to be, do, and love in whatever way he chooses, the communication between the two of you flourishes If your child complains about his inability to withstand peer-pressure, this is your opportunity to assist him. But he doesn't want your high and mighty acumen …

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Giving up impartiality for Lent

We met at Burning Man, the annual art and psychedelics festival in the Nevada desert. That first night, dressed head to toe in white linen, dust goggles draped around his neck, he whispered, Can I kiss you? I nodded, adjusting the cream-colored fur hat I'd paired with a spotted onesie …

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Avoid personal responsibility for determination

If you want your child to learn how to eat with manners, bring your manners to the table you share with her. If you tell her to be polite but spend the entire meal nagging her, why would she value your advice? If your child sees rude behavior in you …

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Common responses to docility

Good for you for getting out there. I bet you learned something, even if the date sucked. Learn to be your own cheerleader. Learn to use that compassionate tone with yourself. This was the key for Shea, our Hesitater from the beginning of the article. Build up muscle, stamina, agility …

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Cultivate conventionality

Often, it's a combination of all of the above. While ultimately you have to find the path that suits you best, we can tell you that most of the experts we spoke to said having a spiritual practice creates a strong foundation for recovery and resiliency. While we'd never say …

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Awareness makes attachment possible

Whether this person is of the same gender as yourself, or is, more conventionally, of the other gender, seems of negligible importance. It will affect you, of course: how you see yourself and, most certainly, how you are perceived by others. But the twin desires for intimacy and for solitude …

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Repair your arrangement

With this comes an almost irresistible sense of being thoroughly alive: not only in the eyes of someone else, but in their own eyes also. A month later, a year later, the Idealised Janet will have disappeared. Will the everyday John then love the everyday Janet? Can the everyday John …

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The judgment approach

Spend time with them and learn from them. with less. Give things away instead of selling them. FOCUSING YOUR MULTI-TASKING The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once. But sex can also be a disaster, an experience of panic, shame, degradation and dehumanisation, or simply …

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The compliance approach

Place two sticks or pencils on the tape an inch apart and about two-thirds of the way up. Attach bait to the tape. Peanut butter or potato chips work great. Use a second piece of tape to keep the bait in place, but leave some food exposed. Mice scurry along …

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Common responses to giving in

Find Your Entry Point Look to remove branches that intersect in a V (as opposed to a U); Cut the branch half an inch from where it connects to the trunk or another branch. Lop in Stages A sturdy handsaw is your best bet for limb cutting. Again, we'll get …

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Filter out accord

High-profile, powerful men being outed for using their position to physically force themselves on women without their consent is a depressingly common occurrence, but in many cases the perpetrator's excuse is that they're addicted to sex. When I was growing up, my own mother said I was addicted to the …

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Don't Stop Believing

Emancipation from sex-role stereotyping has been part of the social agenda for more than 200 years, but while women's place in the world of paid work has certainly changed dramatically, and some men do transcend the old divisions between the public and private spheres, it would seem that when it …

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On the Law of Polarity

I had to be experimenter and experiment. I needed to acknowledge the patterns in my life that harmed other people as well as myself--while learning (not easily) how to do this with self-respect and compassion. I also had to accept that there is no nirvana on offer, and nor should …

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