Point out common ground

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. We sometimes walk in unusual environments that are unstable underfoot, such as while on a boat at sea, or inside an aeroplane in turbulence. Walking while the ground moves - something deeply unnatural and unsettling - can demonstrate how the vestibular system …

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Be a broken record

Better late than never, of course! Unfortunately, it has taken some of these students a decade or more to learn this lesson. Because I don't know why Julia didn't respond to my text and whether or not she is annoyed by texts like that, I will make a point of …

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Do you take ownership of your stress?

Now he's trying to find a direction. The second quality that consolations will always point toward is intimacy. Research in positive psychology points out that happy, peaceful people work hard to make their relationships as strong and healthy as they reasonably can (Seligman, 2004). Our Catholic tradition agrees that strong …

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Surround yourself with positive and like-minded people

You experience unpleasant physiological, psychological, and/or emotional symptoms. You experience trauma at the thought or reality of separating from your addiction. You become angry, justify your right to have or use it, and act out to preserve your right to do what you want. If you had to flee …

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Implementing your plan

Not if we have ADD. That was on the notes home from school, "Johnny needs to try harder." Then we had to deal with the reaction from home. "Why don't you try harder?" (the underlying meaning of Wilton's "You can do better." ) This had a significant effect on us, on …

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Someone who makes me feel good about myself

If you value the relationship more, you may let go of the attempt to make her stop smoking. These choices are not easy, but you can approach them assertively. This negative self-talk is very damaging and we do it a lot. It just keeps eroding our morale, damaging our self-esteem …

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Boosting self esteem

Are they accurate? Professor Stephen Schnaars of Baruch College analyzed the forecasts published between 1959 and 1989 in sources like the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and Business Week, and found that they were wrong about 80 percent of the time. The predictions of major think tanks fair …

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Maybe i'm not meant to do it

And master it. Your bottomless discipline will transform into greater elements in all areas of your life. To maintain bottomless discipline in every level in your life, be aware that discipline is not easy. It takes practice, practice, and practice--every day. Then your discipline will start becoming easier because it …

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Using coping imagery to reduce anxiety

Emphasize Activities That Promote Social Connection: The question to ask yourself is: What types of interactions, with what people, promote feelings of connection? This is important to identify, especially if you're experiencing depression. Feeling isolated and thinking no one gets you can make you feel more stuck and overwhelmed, potentially …

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You're either the lender or the borrower

When those needs are at odds with your being your authentic self, you must prevail. By avoiding the feed, I'm much more likely to use social media mindfully while still allowing time to connect with others proactively. Just as companies like Facebook and LinkedIn implement behavioral design to keep us …

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Would resting be better for me?

Linking superstitious beliefs and behaviors to coincidental events occurs because of a process that psychologists call operant conditioning. Skinner, the foremost proponent of operant conditioning and author of the famous article "Superstition in the Pigeon," convincingly demonstrated that coincidence develops superstitious behavior. Skinner put pigeons into separate cages and had …

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Awareness makes changing behavior possible

The jury is in: He's an idiot. No more questions. If the label, instead, is "I'm a loser," then you hold that label, "loser," in front of you every day. You may exhibit numerous "winner"-type behaviors, but your label will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I guarantee that if you …

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Sharing news of success with the other

At the time, going to the gym couldn't have been easier--the fully equipped facility was located in my apartment complex. I couldn't blame my no-shows on traffic, nor could I blame it on membership dues, because membership was free for residents. Even taking a long walk would be better than …

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What can i do about thoughts?

But we are holding a tension here. How do we adapt the teaching of mindfulness to a context that is distinct from the origins of this belief system and way of learning (the dharma)? Can it be successfully modified and still maintain its Buddhist historical and ethical roots, and does …

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Achieve one goal at a time step-by-step

The greater the task, the greater the benefit. As procrastinators, we're quick to think that the greater the task, the greater the cost. We developed that way of thinking because we felt we had too much at stake to lose. We fear that dealing with tasks means losing our free …

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Coping with low-intensity triggers

I believe that you have a special place in the order of life, a particular role to fill. And yes, it is one filled with vision, passion, and power. So hang on and get ready to get way more consciously into your own life. Don't feel selfish or egotistical because …

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How to listen to other people

Sitting through restlessness is a little breakthrough in your meditation career. It will teach you a lot. You will find that agitation is actually rather a superficial mental state. It is inherently ephemeral. It comes and it goes. It has no real grip on you at all. By looking closely …

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What people think about us

We can truly understand the meaning of the famous metaphor of the blind man who has a healthy body and the disabled person who has good eyes. Both of them, alone, are limited. But when the disabled person climbs on the shoulders of the blind man, together they can travel …

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I can't find anything

If an employee saves two hours driving to work, they might even put in an extra hour for the company - and still gain an hour of free time. I propose a new mandatory course for all university students. Every student in the class is squeezed into the smallest wardrobe possible …

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The give approach

When we open up to one another we inevitably realise that we share the same human feelings: hurts and doubts, hurries and worries. The same dark nights and desires of the soul. And while each one of us is unique, we share our essential humankind-ness. Our need to belong, our …

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Experience influences thinking

I put a note next to the bathroom mirror to remind me. It didn't take long to get into the habit. Daffy has a green bag that he always takes with him, kind of a big masculine purse or a mini-backpack. At night he puts in all the things that …

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You're either the hammer or the nail

But which app notifications should we disable, and how? Now that we've whittled down the number of apps on our phones, we can adjust our notification settings. This step took me about thirty minutes, but it was the most life changing. If you use an Apple iPhone, go to Settings …

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Now, let's read other people

After we picked a career, we would have to investigate all the companies in the field that we could work for. As you can gather, if we did a thorough search to maximize our decision accuracy, we'd spend more time deciding where to work than actually working. We can't live …

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Natural rapport

This little bit of advice seemed to help a student in my critical thinking course. He went to a casino and won $800, a considerable sum for an undergraduate student. On his way to blowing his windfall, he stopped and thought about how his mental accounts were affecting his decision …

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Visualize the movement

It is testimony to how much people want to help if we give them the tools to do so, if we make it personal and if we connect them with people in need. Successful people start their road to success with a moment of truth and a decision. A decision …

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Dealing with demands or requests

Ask yourself, for example, what you would do if there was nothing to stop you - you didn't have to think about money or other people. Think, too, about what has and hasn't worked in the past in relation to what it is you want to achieve. If, for example, your …

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Do you feel shy in social situations?

These positive emotions in turn orient us to keep behaving in ways that promote our continued experience of these positive emotional states. And even when it seems like luck is not on our side and we can't catch a break, we can always stand behind our choice to do our …

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Pursuing happiness can make you sad

As a clinician, I see this all the time. It's hard to appeal to a child or adolescent about the need for "commitment to treatment" because they're young and feel invincible. They roll their eyes or give me an I-know-what's-better-for-me-than-you look. Though it's easier to plead this case to adults …

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The sense that your life has meaning and purpose

We are never going to get anywhere unless we expect more of ourselves, the educational system, our government, and employers (who in turn need to expect more of their employees). Higher expectations across the board are what will inspire the creativity, imagination, and the can-do attitude we need to solve …

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Talk back to difficult thoughts and emotions

Nevertheless, Rio de Janeiro in Brazil turned out to be the place with the kindest people on earth - more helpful than those in Copenhagen, for example - even though Rio has about twelve times more citizens than the Danish capital. (One curious thing: Copenhagen is a city where people are more …

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